


This is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

by angryjane



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ADASHATT, Adam is alive, Autistic Ina Leifsdottir, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Canon Compliant, Canon Divergent, Coming Out, Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hunk (Voltron) is a Ray of Sunshine, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) is a Good Friend, Lesbian Romelle (Voltron), M/M, MFEs, Matt Holt is a Good Sibling, Memes, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Keith (Voltron), Oblivious Lance (Voltron), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pansexual Allura (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Post Season 7, Sassy Pidge | Katie Holt, Texting, This Is STUPID, Trans Romelle (Voltron), Veronica is an amazing big sister, and bro, and cussing, and prolly lotor's lesbian squad, and so will krolia, but not for allura and romelle, chat fic, demiboy keith (pending), ignoring season 8, it's really gay, keith is trying his best, owo, romelle and allura are so gone for one another, shay will show up soon i promise, there's also a lot of memes, those gals actually Have Their Shit Together™, uhhh what else, unlike keith and lance, which isn't a thing yet but i'mma make it a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-08-01 07:43:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 52,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16280471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angryjane/pseuds/angryjane
Summary: Princess: What is this Mario Kart?gos: it’s a video game where you race one another in little carsDunce Dunce Revolution: excuSE MEgos: not againDunce Dunce Revolution: did you just call mario kart a /video game/Dunce Dunce Revolution: a mere /video game/?Pidgeon: blocked and reportedKogayne: never speak to me or my husband ever againKogayne removed gos from the chatOR: a post season-7 chat fic because I couldn't find anyFEATURING: pining, of the klance, romellura, and adashatt varieties; wholesome family bonding; the MFes as well as our alien friends, and an unholy amount of memes.it's actually mostly memes.





	1. hi welcome to voltron

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhh So I'mma try to write a chat fic. I prolly won't get chances to update v often but I'll try!!!! 
> 
> NOTE: this is post season 7. as in, they all live @ the garrison and have phones  
> the mfes (james, kinkade, leifsdotir, rizavi, and veronica) will be added soon!
> 
> Anyway here have some shenanigans

_9:04 pm_

_Lanceypants added Pidgeon, Takashi, Kogayne, Princess, and HunkyMonkey to the chat!_

_Lanceypants named the chat **This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**_

**Lanceypants:** welcome

**Kogayne:** what the fuck

**Takashi:** Language, Keith.

**Kogayne:** you’re not my real dad

**Princess:** Hello Keith. Hello Shiro. Hello Lance.

**HunkyMonkey:** Hi I guess

**Pidgeon:** why lance

**Lanceypants:** because I can 

**Pidgeon:** i con’t believe you’ve done this

**Princess:** I am confused.

**Pidgeon:** it’s a vine

**Princess:** Oh! Is that one of the plants here? It has quite a long name. 

**Lanceypants:** adnfgnfrntknd

**Princess:** Excuse me?

**HunkyMonkey:** i’ve learned that it’s best not to ask questions when it comes to those two

**Princess:** I’ll take your word for it.

**Kogayne:** lance why did you make a group chat?

**Lanceypants:** because this way I can bother all of you at the same time

**Takashi:** Great. I thought we got enough of that already.

**Pidgeon:** Ooh! shiro burn! those are rare!

**Takashi:** Makes them all the more lethal.

**Lanceypants:** i came out here to have a good time and honestly i feel so attacked

_Pidgeon removed Lanceypants from the chat!_

**Pidgeon:** the evil has been defeated

**Kogayne:** my crops are flourishing

**Pidgeon:** my depression is cured

**Kogayne:** my pores are clear

**HunkyMonkey:** thank gos

**Pidgeon:** gos

**Kogayne:** gos

**Takashi:** gos

**Princess:** …Gos?

**HunkyMonkey:** no stop

_Pidgeon changed HunkyMonkey’s name to gos_

**gos:** i hate this family 

**Princess:** Is this chat just for picking on one another? If so shall we add Lance back in?

**Pidgeon:** djfgjkdsanv

_Pidgeon added Lanceypants to the chat!_

_Pidgeon changed lanceypants’s name to Dunce McClain_

**Dunce McClain:** wai

_Dunce McClain changed their name to Dunce Dunce Revolution_

**Kogayne:** pfft

**Pidgeon:** i approve

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** anyway

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** who’s down for mario kart in my room

**gos:** does the Garrison even have a wii?

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** veronica brought ours from home

**Kogayne:** you’re telling me that your older sister stopped to bring a wii to a military facility in the middle of an intergalactic war?

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** mhmm

**Kogayne:** damn.

**Pidgeon:** we stan a legend

**Takashi:** It is nine o’clock at night, you all should get some sleep.

**Pidgeon:** but i wanna play mario karrrrrtttttt

**Princess:** What is this Mario Kart?

**gos:** it’s a video game where you race one another in little cars

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** excuSE ME

**gos:** not again

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** did you just call mario kart a /video game/

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** a mere /video game/?

**Pidgeon:** blocked and reported

**Kogayne:** never speak to me or my husband ever again

_Kogayne removed gos from the chat!_

_Takashi added HunkyMonkey to the chat!_

**Takashi:** Keith. Be nice.

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** ooooh he’s breaking out the Dad Voice **™**

**Takashi:** Lance.

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** sdngjfhlkfgl

**Kogayne:** doesn’t feel so nice, does it?

**Princess:** My earlier thesis is confirmed. We are just here to tease one another.

**Princess:** To “roast” one another, in your human speak.

**Princess:** In that case, Lance I still think you have hideous ears.

**Princess:** They look like the ears on those “monkeys” Pidge showed me.

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** oh my god allURA

**Princess:** Yes Lance?

**HunkyMonkey:** Allura goes /off/

**Pidgeon:** Allura marry me.

**Princess:** I am sorry Katie, but I have eyes for someone else at the moment.

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** owo what’s this?

**Takashi:** Princess, who are you taking about?

**Takashi:** If you feel comfortable telling us?

**Princess:** I am just fine with telling you. I think that a communal secret will only bring us closer. It could be a bonding experience, if you will.

**Pidgeon:** wE hAd A bOnDiNg MoMeNt!

**HunkyMonkey:** I cRaDLeD YoU iN mY ArMs!

**Kogayne:** i hate all of you

_Dunce Dunce Revolution changed Kogayne’s name to Emo2.0_

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** anYWaYS

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** allura spill the beans

**Princess:** I’m sorry?

**Pidgeon:** *spill the tea

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** oh u rite u rite

_HunkyMonkey changed Pidgeon’s name to rite_

**rite:** oh come /on/ hunk that one wasn’t even clever

**rite:** you can do better than that

_HunkyMonkey changed rite’s name to Pidgeon_

**Pidgeon:** you coward

**Emo2.0:** how do i change my name back

**Emo2.0:** oh wait i got it

_Emo2.0 changed their name to Fuck Off Lance_

**Fuck Off Lance:** that’s better

_Dunce Dunce Revolution changed Fuck Off Lance’s name to I Want To Fuck Lance_

**I Want to Fuck Lance:** fuck you 

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** you clearly want to

**Takashi:** Sigh

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** i hate you so much right now

 

_9:26 pm_

**isthisapidgeon >** **HeHimHunk**

**isthisapidgeon:** yet he didn’t change the name…..

**HeHimHunk:** tea

**isthisapidgeon:** tea

 

**This is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Princess:** Shall I tell you?

**HunkyMonkey:** yes please

**Princess:** She is very beautiful.

**Princess:** She tends to have a very realistic outlook on situations.

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** it’s Romelle.

**Princess:** It is.

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** i knew it!

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** you guys would be so cute together kgjfslasfjgk

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** do you do anything other than keysmash

**Dunce Ducne Revolution:** yes i do, thank you very much!

**Pidgeon:** like what

**Dunce Ducne Revolution:** like save the universe, and look damn good while doing it!

**HunkyMonkey:** according to wh 

**Takashi:** *according to whomst

**Pidgeon:** according to keith

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** wh

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** hwat

**Takashi:** hwat

**Princess:** If it makes you feel any better Lnace, I think you look good while doing it.

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** thank you, princess 

**Princess:** Except for your ears. Never your ears.

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** D:

**HunkyMonkey:** allura i love you so much

**Pidgeon:** you know what

_Pidgeon changed Princess’s name to Queen_

**Pidgeon:** you’ve earned it

**Queen:** Thank you, Katie.

**Pidgeon:** any time  

 

_9:38 pm_

**isthisapidgeon >** **HeHimHunk**

**HeHimHunk:** keith didn’t deny it

**isthisapidgeon:** didn’t change the name either

**HeHimHunk:** tea 

**isthisapidgeon:** tea 

 

**This is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** so Mario Kart?

**Pidgeon:** is that even a real question

**Pidgeon:** of course

**HunkyMonkey:** heck yeah! 

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** i’m going to destroy you all

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** you wish

**Takashi:** Sigh.

**Takashi:** I’ll be there.

**Dunce Dunce Revoution:** hell yeah!

**Queen:** I will be there shortly. I will bring Romelle and Coran. 

**Dunce Dunce Revolution:** uwu love you guys

**Pidgeon:** desqustening


	2. late night klance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> late night klance talks

_4:20 am_

**Lancito > Knifeboi**

**Lance:** 420 blazin

**Knifeboi:** why are you up

**Lancito:** why are /you/ up

**Knifeboi:**

**Knifeboi:** touche

**Knifeboi:** did you want something or?

**Lancito:** can i not just want to talk to you jeez

**Knifeboi:** since when have you ever had an interest in talking to me

**Lancito:** since shut up

**Knifeboi:** wow you really got me there.

**Lancito:** you just cant handle my sick burns

**Knifeboi:** sure.

**Lancito:** we both know it’s true

**Knifeboi:** sure

**Lancito:** pidge is aleep on my foot and it hurts but i don’t want to disturb them

**Knifeboi:** that’s what you get for inviting us in

**Lancito:** i invited you to play mario kart not trash my room and then all fall asleep in it

**Knifeboi:** that was your first mistake.

**Lancito:** but look at allura and romelle curled up in each other’s arms that’s adorable and so it’s all worth it

**Knifeboi:** it is pretty cute

**Lancito:** did you

**Lancito:** did you just call something cute?

**Knifeboi:** yes?

**Lancito:** /the/ keith kogane, pilot extrodinaire, pilot of the black lion, lone wolf, secret agent for the famed blade of marmora, just called something cute?

**Lancito:** unfathomable

**Knifeboi:** oh shut up

**Lancito:** make me

**Knifeboi:**

**Lancito:** ow!

**Lancito:** what did you just throw at me?!

**Knifeboi:** my will to live

**Knifeboi:** oh wait i lost that back in 2007

**Lancito:** okay mcr

**Knifeboi:** okay beyonce

**Lancito:** okay p!atd

**Knifeboi:** okay rick astley

**Lancito:** gasp!

**Lancito:** did you just call me rick astley?

**Knifeboi:** did you just type out the word “gasp”?

**Lancito:** i can’t help it, i am but a simple dramatic bitch

_Knifeboi blocked Lancito_

_4:42_

_Knifeboi unblocked Lancito_

**Lancito:** bitch

**Knifeboi:** hm

**Lancito:** okay real talk tho

**Lancito:** if beyonce and rhianna had a secret lovechild, would they be named rihance or behanna

**Knifeboi:** what the fuck lance

**Lancito:** it’s a serious question!

**Knifeboi:** a serious question for Literally Anyone Else

**Lancito:** hh you’re right

 

_4:56_

**This is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

_Dunce Dunce Revolution changed their name to LaLaLance_

**LaLaLance:** if beyonce and rhianna had a secret lovechild, would they be named rihance or behanna

**LaLaLance:** vote now on your phones

 

_4:59_

**Lancito:** now that that’s taken care of, i have an actual Serious Question

**Lancito:** are you glad to be back on earth?

**Knifeboi:** i guess. are you?

**Lancito:** what do you mean “you guess”?

**Knifeboi:** well there isn’t really much here for me that i didn’t have up there, y’know? before we left all that ever really mattered to me was shiro. now i have you and krolia

**Lancito:** you have me?

**Knifeboi:**

**Knifeboi:** i meant

**Knifeboi:** i meant you as in

**Knifeboi:** you and hunk and pidge and shiro and allura

**Lancito:** oh. cool

**Lancito:** cool cool cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt

**Knifeboi:** okay we get it, /peralta/

**Knifeboi:** you never answered my question though. are you glad to be back?

**Lancito:** i’m not sure. i mean, i am so glad to see my family again but like. i feel like i need to be doing more. up there. y’feel?

**Knifeboi:** i understand.

**Lancito:** i’m glad you’re here with me though

_5:16_

**Child#1 > FatherFigure**

**Child#1:** shiro

**Child#1:** shiro help

**FatherFigure:** Keith it’s four in the morning what do you need?

**Child#1:** it’s lance

**FatherFigure:** Oh mother of god, not this again

**Child#1:** he said he’s happy im on earth with him what do i do

**FatherFigure:** tell him you’re happy too?

**FatherFigure:** be honest with him

**Child#1:** why would i do that

**FatherFigure:** I’m going back to sleep.

**Child#1:** wait shiro i need you

**FatherFigure:** I can’t hear you; I’m asleep.

**Child#1:** you suck

**FatherFigure:** Go. Be gay.

 

_5:29_

**Lancito > Knifeboi**

**Lancito:** samurai?

**Lancito:** mullet?

**Lancito:** keith?

**Lancito:** oof i shouldn’t of said that huh

**Lancito:** you can just ignore it

**Lancito:** sorry if i made you uncomfy :/

_5:37_

**Knifeboi:** oh no you didn’t i was just asking shiro something

**Knifeboi:**

**Knifeboi:** im happy you’re here too

 

_5:51_

**Knifeboi:** goodnight sharpshooter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would the child be rihance or behanna? let me know in the comments and we will get to the bottom of this mystery!
> 
> have a wonderful day sweethearts!


	3. disk horse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James: ryan is my boyfriend and the rest of you can fuck yourselves  
> Shirowo: Language, cadet.  
> LanceyPants: oooooh he broke out the Dad Voice again  
> James: ofgijhg hefv helllpf HELLP  
> Queen: What is wrong, Pilot?  
> Romellegant: I believe Keith killed him.  
> Gorgeous Man: He Will Be Missed.  
> Alien Furry: no he won’t
> 
> (aka i added the rest of the gang)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i added the others

_7:06 am_

**This is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Pidgeon:** what kind of a question is that lance?

**I Want to Fuck Lance:** that’s what i said

**Pidgeon:** why did he ask you? do you even know who beyonce is, you recluse?

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** of course i do

**I Want to Fuck Lance:** she sings Single Ladies

**Pidgeon:** i’m surprised you even know that

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** i think i’m offended?

**Pidgeon:** didn’t answer my question tho

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** we were talking last night

**Pidgeon:** hm

**Queen:** hm

**HunkyMonkey:** hm

**Takashi:** hm

**I Want to Fuck Lance:**

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** no comment

**Pidgeon:** did you just

**Pidgeon:** neverfuckingmind

**LaLaLance:** good morning bitches

**Queen:** What does “bitches” mean?

**Takashi:** …

**HunkyMonkey:** um

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** well.

**Pidgeon:** this one’s for you lance

**LaLaLance:** oh boY

**LaLaLance:** it’s slang. it kinda can be offensive, depending on who is saying it and who they are saying it to. like if a man calls a woman a bitch and means it as an insult. but also it can be a way of just calling the people you are close to, like your friends

**Queen:** I see

**Queen:** In that case, good morning bitches.

**Pidgeon:** aoisfjgwhm;gkf

**Takashi:** oh my god

**HunkyMonkey:** lance what even is that question tho

**HunkyMonkey:** from last night i mean

**LaLaLance:** oh yeAH

**LaLaLance:** what do you guys think? behanna or rihance

**Pidgeon:** oh definitely rihance

**HunkyMonkey:** what no it’s definitely behanna

**Takashi:** Sorry Hunk, but Pidge is right. It would be Rihance.

**I Want to Fuck Lance:** what why

**Pidgeon:** it’s simple really. rihance includes the “ance” sound that is key to beyonce, making it more recognizable

**HunkyMonkey:** but behanna puts the names in alphabetical order before combination

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** and it sounds better.

**Takashi:** False.

**Pidgeon:** fdsgnfjhk shiro you tell em

**LaLaLance:** i am LIVING for this discourse

**HunkyMonkey:** i have an idea

**Pidgeon:** speak now or forever hold your peace

**HunkyMonkey:** i propose we get more opinions on this. Allura?

**Queen:** I have no idea what is going on.

**Takashi:** That’s fair.

**LaLaLance:** wait hold up

**LaLaLance:** why didn’t i do this before?

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** do what

_LaLaLance added Romellegant and Gorgeous Man to the chat!_

**Pidgeon:** oh u rite u rite

**Romellegant:** hello paladins. shiro.

**Takashi:** :|

**Gorgeous Man:** Good Morning Paladins!

**Gorgeous Man:** What Can I Assist You WIth Today?

**Pidgeon:** what’s with the capitalization

**LaLaLance:** shut up he’s learning

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** how are these two going to be any help. they don’t know beyonce or rihanna either

**Takashi:** Dang.

**Pidgeon:** #letshirosaydamn2k18

**HunkyMonkey:** #letshirosaydamn2k18

**LaLaLance:** #letshirosaydamn2k18

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** #letshirosaydamn2k18

**Romellegant:** #letshirosaydamn2k18

**Queen:** #letshirosaydamn2k18….?

**Takashi:** sigh

**Gorgeous Man:** I Am Assuming That “I Want To Fuck Lance” Is Keith?

**HunkyMonkey:** pfft

 

_7:36_

**isthisapidgeon > HeHimHunk**

**isthisapidgeon:** tea

**HeHimHunk:** tea

 

_7:39_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**LaLaLance:** oh shit i have an even better idea

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** great :/

 

_7:41_

_LanceyPants added Kogayne, Pidgeon, HunkyMonkey, Takashi, Princess, Romellegant, Gorgeous Man, James, Kink-aid, Leifi Boi, Rizterine, and Vewwonica to the chat!_

_LanceyPants named the chat **They Protec, They Attac**_

_LanceyPants changed Princess’s name to Queen_

_LanceyPants changed HunkyMonkey’s name to Hunk Smash_

_LanceyPants changed Kogayne’s name to Alien Furry_

_LanceyPants changed Takashi’s name to Shirowo_

_LanceyPants changed Pidgeon’s name to Pidgeroni_

**James:** hwat

**Queen:** Hello MFEs! Good morning!

**Gorgeous Man:** Yes I Hope You Are All Doing Well!

**Leifi Boi:** Hello.

**Rizterine:** Hello Alteans. Hello Voltron?

**LanceyPants:** okay okay stop being pleasant we have serious business to attend to

**Vewwonica:** owo what’s this?

**Kink-aid:** What is it now?

**James:** we literally /just/ saved the world, why must we do it again?

**Incredible Hunk:** no we have actual serious business

**Vewwonica:** i am afraid

**Pidgeroni:** very serious business

**Rizterine:** spit it out

**LaLaLance:** here goes

**LaLaLance:** if beyonce and rhianna had a secret lovechild, would they be named rihance or behanna

**Leifi Boi:** …

**Vewwonica:** what the fuck lance

**Pidgeroni:** this is very important

**Shirowo:** Pidge and I know it is Rihance. Keith and Hunk are blind and believe it would be Behanna.

**James:** this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever seen

**Leifi Boi:** hmm. Pidge and Shiro, state your case.

**Pidgeroni:** gladly. ours has the iconic “ance”

**Rizterine:** good point. and Keith, Hunk?

**James:** oh my /god/

**Alien Furry:** it sounds better

**Incredible Hunk:** and it starts with b

**Kink-aid:** huh.

**James:** oh my god not you too ryan

**Kink-aid:** i am going to have to go with Shiro and Pidge.

**Pidgeroni:** hell yeah

**Shirowo:** Language.

**LanceyPants:** pfft

**Incredible Hunk:** i am disappointed in you, Kinkade. What about the rest of you?

**Leifi Boi:** i agree with Pidge.

**Rizterine:** i don’t. behanna all the way

**Vewwonica:** i’m with rizavi

**Kink-aid:** of course you are.

**Rizterine:** what’s that supposed to mean?

 

_7:58_

**McLame > Kinkayyy**

**McLame:** shut

**Kinkayyy:** you can’t keep your little crush a secret forever, Veronica.

**McLame:** i can damn well try

 

_8:01_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Incredible Hunk:** t,,,tea?

**James:** drop it.

**Alien Furry:** okay james you’re the last vote. the tie breaker. you better vote for me or i’ll break your neck

**Alien Furry:** also lance why did you name me

**Alien Furry:** oh never mind

**LanceyPants:** :P

**James:** this is the stupidest thing i’ve ever seen.

**James:** but i guess i’m with whatever side ryan picked.

**Pidgeroni:** ha!

**Alien Furry:** i’ll kill you

**Incredible Hunk:** why james why

**James:** ryan is my boyfriend and the rest of you can fuck yourselves

**Shirowo:** Language, cadet.

**LanceyPants:** oooooh he broke out the Dad Voice again

**James:** ofgijhg hefv helllpf HELLP

**Queen:** What is wrong, Pilot?

**Romellegant:** I believe Keith killed him.

**Gorgeous Man:** He Will Be Missed.

**Alien Furry:** no he won’t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are always lovely!!


	4. m,,,mother?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vewwonica: actually  
> Vewwonica: i hope you all know that you are now honorary mcclains  
> Vewwonica: all eleven of you  
> Lanceypants: yeah Mamá is going to adopt all of you no sight  
> Kink-Aid: is that why your family is so big  
> Vewwonica: yes  
> Lanceypants: yes  
> Alien Furry: oh boy  
> Alien Furry: first i had no mother, now i have two?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: Chapter updates will probably be on saturdays or sundays, with one chapter released randomly during the week as well. i'm very busy right now so I have like. No schedule. It's wild.   
> Next chapter should come on Wednesday (Oct 17) or Thursday (Oct 18), then probably one on Sunday.   
> Have a wonderful few days lovelies!  
> ALSO: how do y'all feel about pacing so far?

_3:47 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Gorgeous Man:** Hello Paladins, Hello MFEs, And Hello Fellow Altaens.

 **Princess:** Hello Coran.

 **Lanceypants:** sup

 **Gorgeous Man:** I Have Been Informed That Matthew Will Be Returning From His Mission Tomorrow.

 **Incredible Hunk:** awesome!

 **LanceyPants:** hell yeah my meme brother is back

 **Pidgeroni:** ew

 **Pidgeroni:** now there’s two of them

 **Alien Furry:** two whats

 **Pidgeroni:** idiotic brother figures

 **Lanceypants:** aww pidgey thinks of me as a brother

 **Pidgeroni:** sadly

 **Vewwonica:** does that make me your pseudo- big sister?

 **James:** ooh look at veronica, using big words

 **Vewwonica:** why are you surprised, cadet

 **James:** `\\(‘-‘)/`

 **Pidgeroni:** huh

 **Pidgeroni:** i guess it does, doesn’t it

 **Lanceypants:** welcome to the mcclain fam

 **Vewwonica:** actually

 **Vewwonica:** i hope you all know that you are now honorary mcclains

 **Vewwonica:** all eleven of you

 **Lanceypants:** yeah Mamá is going to adopt all of you no sight

 **Kink-Aid:** is that why your family is so big

 **Vewwonica:** yes

 **Lanceypants:** yes

 **Alien Furry:** oh boy

 **Alien Furry:** first i had no mother, now i have two?

 **Leifi Boi:** Keith, not to be rude, but what do you mean?

 **Alien Furry:** well i found krolia now i apparently have yet another mom

 **Rizavi:** you found whomst?

 **Kink-aid:** who’s Krolia?

 **Alien Furry:** my mother

 **James:** hwat

 **Leifi Boi:** … I always thought your parents were dead?

 **Alien Furry:** my mom left when i was a baby and my dad died in the fire that burnt down our house

 **Pidgeroni:** yall really are fake friends

 **Alien Furry:** oh so pidge is allowed to say yall but when i do it yall call me a “rare texan keith” and call me a “collectible”

 **Vewwonica;** rjigjkldkhmg;f

 **Kink-aid:** wait i’m stil confused. you found your mom but like,,, weren’t you in? space?

 **Lanceypants:** krolia was /in/ space guys keep up

 **Leifi Boi:** How.

 **Alien Furry:** cause she’s galra

 **James:** i repeast, HWAT

 **Rizavi:** you’re part galra?

 **Alien Furry:** did i stutter?

 **Lanceypants:** it’s literally in his screen name

 **Incredible Hunk:** matt will be here at around two tomorrow

 **Queen:** “Yeet” –Romelle

 **Takashi:** ?

 **Queen:** That is what Romelle said when I told her.

 **Lanceypants:** owo what’s this?

 **Pidgeroni:** tea?

 **Queen:** I shall tell you Paladins later.

 **Pidgeroni:** TEA?

 **Queen:** ….Tea.

 **Incredible Hunk:** oh now you /have/ to tell us

 **Queen:** alright then

 **Rizavi:** wait hwat

 

_4:16 pm_

_Pidgeon added Princess, Kogayne, Lanceypants, and Hunkymonkey to the chat!_

_Pidgeon named the chat **Let’s Go Lesbians**_

_Pidgeon changed Princess’s name to In Love With Romelle_

**Pidgeon:** tea?

 **HunkyMonkey:** tea?

 **Lanceypants:** tea?

 **In Love with Romelle:** Alright.

 **Lanceypants:** wait! keith has to say it too

 **Kogayne:** why must i

 **Pidgeon:** comeon keith

 **HunkyMonkey:** yeah come on keith

 **Pidgeon:** one of us

 **Pidgeon:** one of us

 **Pidgeon:** one of us

 **Kogayne:** no

_Pidgeon changed Kogayne’s name to tea_

**Kogayne;** still no

 **Lanceypants:** please?

 **tea:** ….

 **tea:** ….tea

 

_4;20 pm_

**isthisapidgeon > HeHimHunk**

**isthisapidgeon:** he is so whipped

 **HeHimHunk:** mmmhhmmmm

 **isthisapidgeon:** eyes emoji

 **HeHimHunk:** eyes emoji

 

_4:21_

**Let’s Go Lesbians**

**In Love With Romelle:** Romelle is currently dozing in my room. She said hers was to cold.

 **Lanceypants:** mm sure it was

 **HunkyMonkey:** wait where’s shiro

 **Pidgeon:** crap i forgot to add him

 **tea:** don’t.

 **Lanceypnats:** why not?

 **tea:** i’m mad at him

 **Lanceypants:** why?

 **tea:** he ate the last poptart

 **HunkyMonkey:** he shall pay for his crimes

 **Pidgeon:** he shall

 **tea:** this is true wlw mlm solidarity

 **Pidgeon:** tea.

 

_4:28_

**They Protec, they Attac**

**Rizavi:** wait so we’re just gonna breeze over the fact that keith is an alien and has been this whole time?

 **Alien Furry:** yes.

 **Vewwonica:** cool.

 **Pidgeroni:** anyways who’s down for another mario kart session in lance’s room

 **Lanceypants:** sure, go ahead, invite eleven people to my room, it’s not like i /mind/

 **Pidgeroni:** thanks, i will. and it’s twelve actually

 **Lanceypants:** even better

 **Vewwonica:** what does she mean by “another’?

 **Lanceypants:** ….

 **Vewwonica:** lance did you play mario kart without me?

 **Lanceypants:** ….

 **Vewwonica:** LANCE

 **Lanceypants:** … maybe

 **Vewwonica:** i’m telling luis to come down there and kick your ass

 **Lanceypants:** please no

 **James;** wow man siblings are wild

 **Alien Furry:** i actually agree with you for once.

 **Rizavi:** keith and james getting along? what the fuck?

 **Kink-aid:** we’ve gotta be in some alternate timeline

 **James;** have you just been lurking this whole time ryan

 **Kink-aid:** maybe so.

 **Lanceypants:** oh my god veronica why

 **Vewwonica:** you deserved it

 **Lanceypants:** pwease

 **Lacneypants:** mister obama

 **Lanceypants:** i’ll do anything

 **Vewwonica:** anything?

 **Lanceypants:** anything

 **Vewwonica:** then perish.

 **Leifi Boi:** ….

_Leifi Boi left the chat_

**Incredibel Hunk:** bye felicia


	5. the one about gender, pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romellegant: til what “trans” means  
> Romellegant: and i must tell you, i am it.

_7:08 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Romellegant:** til what “trans” means

**Alien Furry:** “til”?

**Lanceypants:** today i learned

**Alien Furry:** ah.

**Romellegant:** and i must tell you, i am it.

**James:** you are what

**Romellegant:** “trans”

**Vewwonica:** huh.

**Romellegant:** the way hunk explained it, it is when you are born as one gender, but it is not you, so you change, correct?

**Shirowo:** Well yeah

**Romellegant:** i was born as a boy. In altaen culture it is not a big deal to change, but on earth it seems that it is important

**Alien Furry:** gender is a social construct meant to constrain people into the roles the patriarchy has deemed fit

**Rizavi:** keith is right.

**Leifi Boi:** Thank you for telling us anyways though Romelle.

**Gorgeous Man:** I Was Unaware That It Mattered.

**Queen:** This changes nothing about how anyone here regards you Romelle. You are you, and that is what matters.

**Romellegant:** thank you princess

**Queen:** Of course.

**Lanceypants:** awwww

**Incredible Hunk:** awww

**Incredible Hunk:** wait where’s pidge

**Lanceypants:** piddddge

**Incredible Hunk:** piiiiidddddgggggeee

**Lanceypants:** piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidge

**Shirowo:** Stop it. Please.

**Lanceypants:** but daaaad

**Shirowo:** sigh.

**Shirowo:** I’m too old for this shit.

 

_7:19 pm_

**keef > the superior holt**

**keef:** hey kiddo, you good?

**the superior holt:** no

**the superior holt:** also since when do you call me kiddo? that's shiro's thing

**keef:** since i'm worried about you, child

**the superior holt:** i'm not a child

**the superior holt:** but i still appreciate it

**keef:** what's wrong

**the superior holt:** um

**the superior holt:** well

**the superior holt:** lately i've been feeling really... off?

**keef:** okay. off how?

**the superior holt:** like

**the superior holt:** like i dont know who i am

**keef:** okay. in what way? if you can explain, i don't wanna to make you umcomfortable

**keef:** you know i'm not really good with words, but i want to help

**the superior holt:** you know whenwe left arus, and i told you guys i was a girl?

**keef:** yeah?

**the superior holt:** i don't really feel like i should be a girl?

**keef:** that's okay. you can be a boy if that is who you feel you are.

**the superior holt:** but i don't feel like a boy

**the superior holt:** ugh nevermind

**the superior holt:** it's stupid. i need to just make up my mind

**the superior holt:** it's just

**the superior holt:** i'm so confused

**keef:** pidge, it's okay.

**keef:** you don't have to be either

**keef:** um i don't know how to do this but have you ever eard the term "nonbinary"?

**the superior holt:** no

**keef:** when i came out to shiro, he told me a lot about the lgbt community so i would feel comfortable, you know? and like,,, there's this thing called nonbinary, which is when someone doesn't identify as either of the "traditional" genders. and they use other pronouns like they them

**keef:** does that sound... more accurate?

**the superior holt:**

**the superior holt:**

**the superior holt:** hold on i'm gonna google it and get back to you

**keef:** take your time

 

_7:28 pm_

**illuminaenae > lancf**

**illuminaenae:** hey leave pidge be for a while

**lancf:** okay. is everything alright?

**Illuminaenae:** yeah. just go easy.

**lancf:** okay

**lancf:** <3

**illuminaenae:** ....

**illuminaenae:** <3

 

_7:33 pm_

**Child#1 > FatherFigure**

**Child#1:** shiro

**FatherFigure:** if this is about Lance, i swear to god Keith

**Child#1:** .....

**FatherFigure:**

_FatherFigure blocked Child#1_

_8:43 pm_

**the superior holt:** yes

**keef:** yes?

**the superior holt:** that's

**the superior holt:** that sounds better

**keef:** okay.

**keef:** do you feel any better now?

**the superior holt:**

**the superior holt:**.... i think so

**the superior holt:** but um i wanna not tell the others yet

**the superior holt:** not until matt is here, at least

**keef:** that's perfectly cool. it's up to you who knows and when

**the superior holt:** wow keith you are actually kind of good at this. who knew

**keef:** aaaand there's pidge

**the superior holt:** :P  
**the superior holt:** but thank you

**keef:** any time

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO: i am trying my best to represent our trans and nonbinary friends as best i can. i know everyone's experience is different, and i apologize if i am making any mistakes. i wrote this chapter with my friend who is nonbinary and it is largely based off their experience for pidge's part. if there is any issue you have with it, let me know. i want to make everyone happy and comfortable, and i want everyone to feel included and represented. the next chapter, which will probably be here this weekend (oct 20, 21) will be the second half of this little arc. 
> 
> y'all's support clears my pores, your comments water my crops, and your kudos and bookmarks cures my depression  
> thank you!  
> also sorry this one is so short, school is a bitch!   
> EDIT: THIS STORY HAS 69 KUDOS


	6. the one about gender pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeroni renamed the chat I Have Something Actually Important to Say
> 
> Queen: Whatever you have to say, we will listen.
> 
> Shirowo: We are here for you Pidge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please Read The End Note, Fuckers.

_2:43 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

_Lanceypants added Mattematics to the chat!_

_Lanceypants changed Mattematics's name to Meme#1_

**Meme#1:** whattup bitches

**Pidgeroni:** oh fuck

**Shirowo:** language, pidge

**Pidgeroni:** you're not my dad!

**Shirowo:** No, but I'll tell Sam.

**Pidgeroni:** .... you wouldn't

**Shirowo:** I would.

**Incredible Hunk:** whoa what happened to shiro

**Meme#1:** really? i come home and all you can focus on is shiro being pissy?

**James:** um

**James:** question

**James:** who are you again?

**Meme#1:** GASP  
**Kink-aid:** i don't like this

**Meme#1:** G A S P  
**Meme#1:** you mean you don't know the legends about the amazing hero that is me?

**Shirowo:** why are you the hero?

**Meme#1:** because of my sheer awesomeness!

**Shirowo:** you once cried because you dropped your Optimus Prime in the toaster

**Meme#1:** shiro!

**Alien Furry:** pfft

**Lanceypants:** oidsadjshfkd

**Incredible Hunk:** how /old/ were you?

**Meme#1:** i was but a youth,,,

**Shirowo:** he was twenty-three.

**Vewwonica:** fjgdskhfdls;f'

**Lanceypants:** shaidgudjkglf

**Vewwonica:** hey! keysmash buddies!

**Kink-aid:** why are you like this.

**Rizavi:** okay this is golden but like,,,

**Rizavi:** you never answered the question

**Rizavi:** who are you?

**Meme#1:** it is i! the memetacular matthew holt!

**Pidgeroni:** he's my brother

**Pidgeroni:** unfortunately

**Meme#1:** oh shut up pidge, you love me

**Pidgeroni:** sure sure

**Meme#1:** :|

**Gorgeous Man:** It Is Wonderful To See You Again, My Boy!

**Meme#1:** hi coran

**Meme#1:** where's the princess at

**Queen:** Hello Matt.

**Meme#1:** allura!!!!!!!!!!

**Queen:** Matt!!!!!!!!!!

**Romellegant:** and i am here too

**Meme#1:** i don't know who you are but hi

**Pidgeroni:** she's allura's girlfriend

**Queen:**

**Romellegant:**

**Romellegant:** not quite yet.

**Vewwonica:** tea?

**Incedibel Hunk:** tea?

_2:57 pm_

**Romella > Pidgey**

**Romella:** hopefully i will be soon

**Pidgey:** TEA?!?

 

_3:06 pm_

**the superior holt > keef**

**the superior holt:** hhhhh

**the superior holt:** i'm going to tell them

**keef:** if you want to. don't feel pressured to if you aren't ready yet

**the superior holt:** i

**the superior holt:** here goes nothing.

 

_3:11 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

_Pidgeroni renamed the chat **I Have Something Actually Important to Say**_

**Pidgeroni:** um

**Lanceypants:** yes?

**Queen:** Whatever you have to say, we will listen.

**Incredible Hunk:** what's up?

**Shirowo:** We are here for you Pidge.

**Vewwonica:** i speak for all the mfes when i say we are here for you too bb

**Pidgeroni:** um

**Pidgeroni:** well

**Pidgeroni:**

**Pidgeroni:**

**Alien Furry:** you can do it pidge

**Alien Furry:** it won't change anyone's opinion of you, we all love you

**Alien Furry:** right guys?

**Lanceypants:** absolutely. we love you pidgeon  <3 <3 <3

**Meme#1:** Katie?

**Pidgeroni:** i'm,,, um not a girl

**Pidgeroni:** but not a boy

**Pidgeroni:** it's called nonbinary? and that's what i think fits me. um. so like.

**Pidgeroni:** call me they/them please

**Pidgeroni:** okay gotta blast

**Shirowo:** Pidge that's wonderful

**Lanceypants:** you got it, my dude!

**Queen:** Of course.   
**Romellegant:** okay

**Incredible Hunk:** Thank you for telling us, pidge

_3:34 pm_

**Incredible Hunk:** pidge?

 

_3:57 pm_

**keef > the superior holt**

**keef:** pidge?

**keef:** you alright?

**keef:** you did great. the team accepts you

**keef:** and i'll kill anyone who doesn't

**the superior holt:**

**the superior holt:** thanks

_4:08 pm_

_Lanceypants added Takashi, Kogayne, HunkyMonkey, Princess, Mattematics, Gorgeous Man, and Romellegant to the chat!_

_Lanceypants named the chat **Pidge Protection Squad**_

**Lanceypants:** we gotta protect our child

**Mattematics:** hell yes we do

**Princess:** Protect them from what?

**Romellegant:** This is something that is a big deal on this planet, yes?

**Kogayne:** there are a lot of bad people on earth guys

**Kogayne:** bad people who would want to hurt pidge fro being nb, hurt me for being gay, hurt romelle for being trans

**Takashi:** it is horrible, but that's the way it is.

**Gorgeous Man:** I Don't Understand Why It Is Such A Big Deal.

**HunkyMonkey:** It shouldn't be, but that's the way it is here

**Lanceypants:** But don't worry! not everyone is like that, only some. a lot of people are amazing and accepting, like us and the mfes and most of the people at the garrison

**Mattematics:** we have to look out for one another

**Princess:** Agreed.

**Kogayne:** definitely.

**Romellegant:** i've only known you for a little while but if anything were to happen to you i'd kill everyone in this room and then myself

**HunkyMonkey:** did you

**Takashi:** how did you

**Romellegant:** lance has recently introduced me to the internet

**Kogayne:** lance why

**Lanceypants:** matt wasn't around! i needed someone to meme with!

**Romellegant:** were it not for the laws of this land i would have slain you all long ago

**Lanceypants:** okay so maybe this was a mistake

**Romellegant:** that's what she said

**HunkyMonkey:** ffgjhfkldflsf;'

**Kogayne:** pfft

**Takashi:** sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 <3 <3   
> aaaand this little part is finido! hope everyone enjoyed.  
> Could y'all let me know if the pacing is working for you? am i going to quickly? not quick enough?   
> and if you have any other criticisms, i'd love to hear them!   
> ALSO IMPORTANT: i want to do a poll: should i ignore the shit vld pulled and make Adashi Canon King (aka have adam be alive and in love with shiro) or should i make it be Shatt (a lil pining, then they get the fuck together) OR should i try some never before seen Adashatt? which like isn't even a thing but i'd make it a thing? OPINIONS PLEASE!  
> okay i love y'all drink water get some rest and leave a comment! don't forget the glow cloud is watching!


	7. the crime of the spilt tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takashi: i'm not mad, just disappointed.
> 
> Shenanigans, tea, and Broganes galore.

_8:36 am_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

_Takashi added Mattematics!_

**Takashi:** Children.

**Mattematics:** hey! i'm here too!

**Takashi:** Like i said, Children.

**Mattematics:** :'(

**Takashi:** Does anyone want to explain why I woke up to this:

_Shirowo ent one (1) screenshot!_

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** pfft

**LaLaLance:** sjfldghlk;fsl;

**Mattematics:** fjsgdhljlfkd;al

**Pidgeon:** oh my gOD

**HunkyMonkey:** holy crap

**Takashi:** I would like to know who, how, and why.

**Mattematics:** who,,,,, who /is/ that?

**Takashi:** His name is Slav, and I hate him. He infuriates me.

**Takashi:** He can be sucked out into the empty void of space for all I care.

**HunkyMonkey:** damnnnn shiro goes /off/

**Takashi:** Who did this? How did you even get this many picture of him? There's got to be at least a hundred

**I Want To Fuck Lance:** *whomst did this

**Mattematics:** wait who's I Want To Fuck Lance?

**LaLaLance:** everyone wants to

**Pidgeon:** false

**LaLaLance:** everyone except our local nb ace prodigy gremlin here, that is.

**Pidgeon:** acceptable.

**LaLaLance:** <3

**Pidgeon:** <3

**HunkyMonkey:** that was so wholesome i love this family

**Mattematics:** pidge did you just use an emoji? you're growing up so fast!

**Pidgeon:** you're welcome to fuck all the way off, matthew

**Takashi:** I still want to know who did this.

**Pidgeon:** damn no scolding for that one? you must really be pissed.

**Takashi:** I know it was you, Keith, or Lance. Which of you was it?

**Takashi:** i'm not mad, just disappointed.

**Mattematics:** fahfgdsjkl

 

_8:43 am_

**elder meme > meme kid**

**elder meme:** is it weird that i think it's kinda hot when shiro gets all pissed off and autoritative

**meme kid:** eww matt you're my brother stop

**elder meme:** katie when a man and a woman love each other very much---

**meme kid:** blocked and reported

 

_8:47 am_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Takashi:** Who did it? Lance?

**LaLaLance:** as much as i'd love to claim responsibility for this one, nah fam it wasn't me

**Takashi:** Pidge?

**Pidgeon:** i have better things to do

**Pidgeon:** like make a robot to mock lance so i don't have to waste my time doing it

**Pidgeon:** but then again, where's the fun in that?

**LaLaLance:** >:(

**LaLaLance:** i thought we bonded

**HunkyMonkey:** wE hAd A bOnDiNg MoMeNt!

**Pidgeon:** i CrAdLeD yOu In My ArMs!

_I Want To Fuck Lance left the chat._

_Takashi added Kogayne to the chat!_

**Takashi:** You're not off the hook Keith.

**Takashi:** I know you're still not over the Poptart thing.

**Kogayne:** i will never forgive you for that

**Kogayne:** my own brother

**LaLaLance:** betrayal.jpg

**Kogayne:** but no this one wasn't me

**Kogayne:** but just you wait

**Kogayne:** i'll get you

**Takashi:** I know it was one of you three.

**Takashi:** Who was it?

**Pidgeon:** wait how do you know it wasn't matt?

**Takashi:** Oh please. Matt couldn't pull something like this off.

**Mattematics:** prolly not

**Mattematics:** also i dunno who this slav guy is but if shiro hates him then i kin him

**HunkyMonkey:** did you just say you kinned him

**Pidgeon:** not in my good christian minecraft server you didn't

_Pidgeon removed Mattematics from the chat._

**Takashi:** So which one of you did it?

**LaLaLance:** wow you're not even going to add matt back?

**LaLaLance:** cold.

_LaLaLance added Mettematics to the chat!_

**Mattematics:** can i just be the first to say

**Takashi:** no you may not. Who did it?

**Mattematics:** rude.

**Pidgeon:** not to be /that/ bitch but

**Pidgeon:** it was probably lance

**LaLaLance:** what!

**LaLalance:** heresy!

**LaLaLance:** betrayed by my own brethren

**Pidgeon:** were it not for the laws of this land i would have slain you long ago

**LaLaLance:** i can respect that

**LaLaLance:** but still you're wrong

**LaLaLance:** it wasn't me,,,,,

**LaLaLance:** it was,,,,

**LaLaLance:** Keith!

**Kogayne:** what no it wasn't it was pidge

**Pidgeon:** no it wasn't!

**LaLaLance:** how do we know that?

**Pidgeon:** how do i know you two didn't pair up and do it then try to frame me!

**Pidgeon:** you're in kahoots! the both of you!

**Kogayne:** like i would ever kahoot with this loser!

**LaLaLance:** okay ouch

**LaLaLance:** but seriously it wasn't me

**Kogayne:** or me

**Pidgeon:** or me

**Mattematics:** who was it then?

**Takashi:** ....

**Takashi:** ....Hunk?

**HunkyMonkey:** yes shiro?

**Takashi:** Was it you?

**HunkyMonkey:**

**HunkyMonkey:** possibly.

**Takashi:** Hunk! I thought you were the good child!

**LaLaLance:** sdfajlkgdhas

**Kogayne:** wow

**Pidgeon:** oh my gOD Hunk you gassy genius!

**HunkyMonkey;** thanks

**Takashi:** I am so disappointed in all of you. especially you hunk.

**HunkyMonkey:** sorry dad :/

**Takashi:** You know what?

**Takashi:** I don't think you are sorry.

**HunkyMonkey:** you know i had to do it to em

**LaLaLance:** hunk i love you so much

**HunkyMonkey:** bro

**LaLaLance:** bro

**HunkyMonkey:** love you too bro

**LaLaLance:** bro

**HunkyMonkey:** bro

**HunkyMonkey:** <3

**LaLaLance:** <3

**Kogayne:** what the fuck was that

**Queen:** Good Morning, Paladins, what did we miss?

**Romellegant:** *paladins +matthew

**Mattematics:** thank you, romelle. finally the recognition i deserve

**Takashi:** I'm too tired to even explain it, Allura.

 

_9:02 am_

**Pidgey > Romella**

**Pidgey:** any reason you and the princess just happened to be waking up at the same time?

**Romella:**

**Romella:** i /may/ have slept in her quarters last night

**Pidgey:** tea?

**Romella:** we just talked for a while and the next thing i knew i was waking up cuddling with her

**Romella:** not complaining in the slightest tho

**Romella:** she's so pretty and warm

**Romella:** and like

**Romella:** so quiznacking smart and brave and strong

**Romella:** so strong

**Romella:** she could step on me and i'd thank her

**Pidgey:** allura could step on anyone and they'd thank her

**Romella:** it's true and you should say it

**Pidgey:** question tho

**Pidgey:** why don't you just ask her out?

**Romella:** i believe the human phrase is "way out of my league"

**Pidgey:** don't sell yourself short romelle

**Pidgey:** you're badass too

**Romella:** aww pidgey!

**Pidgey:** you're the only one who is allowed to call me that

**Pidgey:** don't ever let lance hear you say it or i'll never hear the end of it

**Romella:** noted.

**Pidgey:** just think about it, okay? you two would be amazing together

**Romella:** alright.

**Romella:** <3

**Pidgey:** <3

 

_9:46 am_

**Child#1 > FatherFigure**

**Child#1:** so guess what i just learned

**FatherFigure:** What.

**Child#1:** L,,,,Lance can fucking sing

**Child#1:** boy can fucking /sing/ like no one's business

**FatherFigure:** It's too early for all this gay.

**FatherFigure:** Please...Bother someone else

**Child#1:** "too early for all this gay"? i seem to remember a certain someone walking into a wall upon seeing adam for the first time adn breaking his nose by doing so

**FatherFigure:** Semantics.

**Child#1:** shiro you told people you were in a fight saving a dog

**FatherFigure:** We don't talk about that.

**Child#1:** oh speaking of adam tho did you hear he came out of the coma? you gonna say hi?

**FatherFigure:**

**FatherFigure:** I don't know.

**FatherFigure:** I don't know where i stand with him.

**Child#1:** do you still love him?

**FatherFigure:** Well yeah

**FatherFigure:** But...

**Child#1:** but?

**FatherFigure:** But Matt.

**Child#1:** what about matt?

**FatherFigure:** We've been spending more time together since he got back

**FatherFigure:** And I think maybe I.... have feelings for him.

**FatherFigure:** He's always just been matt, goofy and a huge dork but now he's Matt, brave and compassionate and I don't know how to deal with it.

**Child#1:** well you don't have to make any decisions right away i guess? just see how it plays out?

**FatherFigure:** Yeah you're probably right.

**FatherFigure:** Look at you, being all smart and social.

**Child#1:** learned from the best

**FatherFigure:** I'm so proud of you Keith.

**FatherFigure:** Since we left Earth you've grown so much. You've really come into your own. You're not the timid angsty orohan you once were; you've let people in and let them help you grow into a strong leader. I'm so proud of you, the team's proud of you, Krolia's proud of you, and if your father could see you he'd be proud too.

**Child#1:** s...stop

**FatherFigure:** Keith are you crying?

**Child#1:** no!

**FatherFigure:** We're in the same room, I can /see/ you.

**FatherFigure:** Come give me a hug, kiddo.

**Child#1:** fine

 

_10:07 am_

**isthisapidgeon > HeHimHunk**

**isthisapidgeon:** i think the broganes are having a moment

_isthisapidgeon sent one (1) photo!_

**HeHimHunk:** awwwwwww

**isthisapidgeon:** what is this weird swelling in my chest? an emotion? disgustening

**HeHimHunk:** submit to it, pidge

**HeHimHunk:** you can't run forever

**HeHimHunk:** one of us!

**HeHimHunk:** one of us!

**HeHimHunk:** one of us!

**HeHimHunk:** one of us!

**HeHimHunk:** one of us!

**HeHimHunk:** one of us!

**HeHimHunk:** one of us!

_isthisapidgeon blocked HeHimHunk._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so proud of this one :) what do you guys think?  
> also due to popular demand i am going to attempt adashatt, wish me luck!  
> FEEDBACK is APPRECIATED and SO ARE YOU  
> have a wonderful day/night, drink yer juice and vote!


	8. beloved boi's birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 12:21 am
> 
> coral keef > cryptikid
> 
> coral keef: help me
> 
> cryptikid: who should i kill
> 
> coral keef; no one, not this time
> 
> cryptikid: oh so what is it then?
> 
> coral keef: lance
> 
> cryptikid:
> 
> cryptikid: tea?
> 
> coral keef:
> 
> coral keef: tea
> 
> OR: it's keith's birthday!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one is short but i love keith and needed to give him some love and uwus

_12:01 am_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**Kogayne:** oh my fucking god lance it's midnight

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

**Kogayne:** s t o p

**LaLaLance:** n o   t h a n k s

**LaLaLance:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY KEITH

_LaLaLance changed Kogayne's name to Birthday Boi_

_LaLaLance changed Birthday Boi's name to Beloved Boi_

**Beloved Boi:** L A N C E

**Pidgeroni:** happy birthday keith but lance go the fuck to sleep

**LaLaLance:** you know what? fine

 

_12:09 am_

**loncc > the truth is out there **

_loncc changed the truth is out there's name to bae_

**loncc:** they can't get me here

**loncc:** seriously tho

**loncc** : happy birthday samurai

**loncc:** i know i tease you a lot but you really mean so much to me

**loncc:**

**loncc:** and the rest of the team of course

**bae:**

**bae:** you mean a lot to me too lance

**bae:**... and the rest of the team, of course

**loncc:** heh heh yeah of course

_12:14 am_

**Child#1 > FatherFigure**

**Child#1:** shiro

**Child#1:** shiro

**Child#1:** shiro

**Child#1:** shiro

**Child#1:** shiro

 

_12:21 am_

**coral keef > cryptikid**

**coral keef:** help me

**cryptikid:** who should i kill

**coral keef;** no one, not this time

**cryptikid:** oh so what is it then?

**coral keef:** lance

**cryptikid:**

**cryptikid:** tea?

**coral keef** :

**coral keef:** tea

_coral keef sent one (1) photo!_

**coral keef:** pidge help i'm so gay

**coral keef:** usually i rant to shiro but he's asleep

**coral keef:** i just want to cuddle him and make jokes with him and take care of him when he's sick and fight robots with him and brush his soft hair and help him when he's felling sad and kiss him and ugh i like him so fucking much pidge what the actual fuck

**cryptikid:** okay, so first of all:

**cryptikid:** i will of course slaughter you if you ever tell anyone but lemme just say

**cryptikid:** that was so fucking soft

**cryptikid:** what the fuck

**coral keef:** not really helping!!!

**cryptikid:** i never said i would but go off i guess

**coral keef:** this is homophobia

**cryptikid:** sure, sure.

**cryptikid:** but back to the topic at hand;

**cryptikid:** you're really in love with him huh

**coral keef:**

**coral keef:**

**coral keef:** yeah i really fucking am

**coral keef:** how do i make it stop

**cryptikid:** whoa whoa hold your horses there bucko

**coral keef:** i thought i left texas ...

**cryptikid:** you never leave texas

**cryptikid:** you are texas

**cryptikid:** and texas is you

**coral keef:** what the fuck

**cryptikid:** but i digress

**coral keef:** again, what the fuck pidge

**cryptikid:** don't even act like it isn't true, cowboy

**coral keef:**

**coral keef:** moving on

**cryptikid:** that's what i thought

**cryptikid:** anyway you shouldn't try to fight it

**cryptikid:** i may not be a love doctor or shiro, but i know that love is precious, adn when we find it we gotta catch it like a pokemon and fight for it, y'feel?

**cryptikid:** just take it slow

**cryptikid:** if you really love him, you'll wait for him

**cryptikid:** and if he really loves you, he'll let you know

**cryptikid:** don't rush things, let it be natural

**coral keef:**

**coral keef:** wow pidge that was actually really insightful. you continue to baffle me, you tiny genius

**cryptikid:** matt and i used to watch a lot of doctor phil with mom

**cryptikid:** until matt smashed our tv playing wii tennis

**coral keef:** sometimes i fear for that guy

**cryptikid:** we all do

**coral keef:** mm.

**coral keef:** thanks, pidge.

**cryptikid:** as lance would say,

**cryptikid:** <3

**coral keef:** aww you're evolving!

**cryptikid:** shut up

**coral keef:** <3

 

_9:08 am_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Leifi Boi:** I've just been informed that today is Kogane's birthday.

**Leifi Boi:** Happy Birthday, Keith.

**Vewwonica:** happy birfday uwu uwu

**Kink-aid:** happy bday dude

**Rizavi:** it is?

**Lanceypants:** i've said it once. i'll say it again:

**Lanceypants:** fake friends.

**Lanceypants:** smh

**James:** well i don't see you saying it

**Lanceypants:** exCUSE ME

**Lanceypants:** i said it at midnight this morning thank you very much

**Pidgeroni:** he did. seventeen times.

**Lanceypants:** oh that reminds me

**Lanceypants:** i have to complete the set

**Lanceypants:** ahEM

**Lanceypants:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMURAI

**Lanceypants;** there, eighteen times

**Alien Furry:** i'm twenty

**Lanceypants:** i refuse to accept those two years on the whale

**Alien Furry:** whatever you say sharpshooter

**Vewwonica:** sharpshooter? samurai?

**Vewwonica:** y'all have special nicknames fro one another wtf that's adorable

**Lanceypants:** shush, you

**Queen:** Happy Birthday Keith!

**Shirowo:** Happy Birthday Keith

**Incredible Hunk:** Happy Birthday Keith

**Gorgeous Man:** YES HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOY

**Meme#1:** whoa whoa calm down there coran  
**Gorgeous Man:** I DON'T MEAN TO STARTLE YOU WITH MY SHOUTING; I WAS TRYNG TO LEARN ABOUT THIS DEVICE AND I MAY HAVE FIDDLED WITH SOMETHING I SHOULDN"T OF AND NOW IT SEEMS IT'S STUCK LIKE THIS

_Lacneypants changed Alien Furry's name to Beloved Boi_

**Lacneypants:** theeere we go

**Lanceypants:** <3 <3 <3 <3

**Beloved Boi:**

**Beloved Boi:** thanks guys

**Queen:** We love you , Keith.

**Beloved Boi:** i love you guys too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3 <3 <3  
> have a wonderful day darlings   
> oh and leave a comment! lemme know what you think!


	9. truth or dare-- shatt edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meme#1: oh children, rejoice, for i am here to put an end to your suffering  
> Shirowo: Oh god no.
> 
> or: reliving some garrison shatt shenanigans, does keith is gay? and other tales form the twilight zone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY this one is fucking /long/ it's loooooonnnnngggg. (is that what she said? i'd hope so, for your sake and hers.) this chapter is twice as long as any of the others. i just kept getting off on tangent after tangent... ah well.  
> i hope you enjoy

_2:28 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**LanceyPants:** whomst wants to play truth or dare

**Vewwonica:** fuck yeah

**Rizavi:** oh i'm down

**Beloved Boi:** i mean i guess

**Beloved Boi:** oh wait a sec

_Beloved Boi changed their name to **gay**_

**Lanceypants:** just cause it isn't your birthday anymore doesn't mean you aren't beloved, you jerk

_2:31 pm_

**mothman > yeti**

**mothman:** p i d g e

**yeti:** i know keith

 

_2:32 pm_

**Leifi Boi:** Keith why did you change your name to "gay"?

**gay:** cause i am

**Pidgeroni:** you really are, huh

**gay:** i really am

**James:** oh....kay.

**Kink-aid:** mood, keith

**gay:** kinkade gets it

**Queen:** I don't; someone please explain.

**Pidgeroni:** another time

**Vewwonica:** are we gonna play truth or dare or no, crew?

**Lanceypants:** fuck yeah we are

**Shirowo:** Language.

**Lanceypants:** Fuck.

**Shirowo:** Language.

**Lanceypants:** Mierda.

**Vewwonica:** language

**Laneypants:** Quiznack.

**Gorgeous Man:** LANGUAGE.

**Lanceypnats;** hugisjfdk;la;kdflgsjl

**Incredible Hunk:** you can't win lance, you gotta learn a fourth language. English, Spanish and Altaen aren't enough

**Pidgeroni:** want me to teach you to swear in italian

**Meme#1:** oooh yes i'll help!

**Shirowo:** Matt.

**Meme#1:** Yes Takashi?

**Shirowo:**

 

_2:46 pm_

**big bro > lil bro**

**big bro:** he called me Takashi

**lil bro:** who's the gay one now?

**big bro:** oh shut up, you turned the color of a tomato when lance said you were beloved

**big bro:** don't even get me started

**lil bro:** understandable have a nice day

 

_2:51 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Meme#1:** so we playin or nah

**Lanceypants:** you bet your butt we're playing

**Rizavi:** okay who'd going first

**Pidgeroni:** i am.

**Pidgeroni:** Shiro, truth or dare.

**Shirowo:** Truth, I guess.

**Pidgeroni:** who was your first kiss

**Shirowo:** Must we go there?

**gay:** ooh i love this story

**Vewwonica:** owo what's this?

**Shirowo:** It was Matt. Next question.

**Incredible Hunk:** wait what?

**Lanceypants:** tea?

**Pidgeroni:** shiro tell us more we gotta know

**Shirowo:** No thanks.

**Pidgeroni:** pleeeeease

**Lanceypants:** pleeeeeeeese

**gay:** please

**Vewwonica:** pweeease

**Queen:** Please?

**Romellegant:** please

**Rizavi:** please

**Kink-aid:** please

**James:** i will not beg, but im intrigued

**Shirowo:** No.

**Gorgeous Man:** PLEASE.

**Meme#1:** oh children, rejoice, for i am here to put an end to your suffering

**Shirowo:** Oh god no.

**Meme#1:** i'll tell you the story, kiddos

**Meme#1:** the truth, the full truth, and nothing but the truth.

**Pidgeroni:** tell us

**Lanceypants:** we require the tea

**gay:** what he said

**Lanceypants:** true mlm solidarity

**gay:** true.... true what...?

**gay:**

 

_3:02 pm_

**keit > hank**

**keit:** is lance straight

**keit:** or not

**hank:** owo what's this?

**hank:** why do you care?

**keit:** oh don't even

**keit:** you know full well why i care, don't even pretend

**keit:** you're just as bad as pidge

**hank:** just a question tho

**hank:** until now, did you think lance was straight?

**keit:** ....he isn't?

**hank:** oh honey

**hank:** not even close

**hank:** boi is bi as fuck

**keit:**

**keit:**

**keit:**

**keit:**

**keit:** oh.

_3:03 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Meme#1:** so anyway

**Meme#1:** it was freshman year at the garrison

**Meme#1:** the sun was shining, th birds were chirping, shiro had already stressed himself to the point of turning his hair white

**james:** wait is that actually what happened to the front of his head? i thought he dyed it

**Rizavi:** how,,,, how is it so white

**Romellegant:** that's.... what she said??

**Rizavi:** w,,,,, what

**Vewwonica:** why would she be saying that

**Kink-aid:** my name suggests i would be the authority on these things yet i do not know how to interpret that one

**Kink-aid:** well done romelle

**Meme#1:** AnYWAyS pAY AttEnTIOn to me

**Meme#1:** so anyway, it was freshman year and shiro and i had recently become friends. we decided to go to this party. and at the party there was a game of spin the bottle running in the basement

**Shirowo:** Matthew please don't.

**Meme#1:** yall hear somethin?

**Romellegant:** ooh gotim

**Leifi Boi:** You know he had to to it to 'im.

**Meme#1:** so here shiro and i are, at a party playing spin the bottle in the basement. and everyone is drunk outta their minds, save shiro and i. cause shiro is a lame-ass dork who refused to drink and refused to let me drink. like he just fucking whacked any cup or bottle right outta my hand. yeeted it, if you will.

**Lanceypants:** this is all very in character so far

**Meme#1:** takashi, bless his muscled, soft-as-fuck, adorable, pure soul, is nervous about the game

**gay:** that was an interesting combination of adjectives there matt. don'tcha think so, pidge?

**Pidgeroi:** hmmm, you have a point my dear pal. you have a very ... interesting... point. matthew, you and i will be speaking soon.

**james:** that was so ominous what the hell just happened

**Vewwonica:** you wouldn't understand

**james:** ?

**Meme#1:** guuuuuuys

**Meme#1:** pay attention to meeeee

**Shirowo:** No please don't pay attention to him. Please.

**Kink-aid:** continue, matt

**Meme#1:** thank you, /kinkade/

**Meme#1:** so shiro is fucking nervous and i'm here trying to get him to chill. and it's his turn to spin and he shakily does so. but like shiro is strong as fuck so he spins it too hard and it smacks me right in the face

**Lanceypants:** dhosfugdjlfk;a

**Pidgeroni:** you probably deserved it

**Meme#1:** and takashi is all apologetic and he is trying to mke it better and this kid in the back, wasted and stoned outta his mind, goes "now you two gotta do seven minutes in heaven"

**Meme#1:** and shiro, that angel, goes "what's that?"

**Kink-aid:** pfft

**Meme#1:** and so some girl goes and explains it in much detail and shiro is so red, and he fucking

**Meme#1:** he fainted

**Vewwonica:** o h   m y   g o d

**Lancypants:** gshjkdfla;'flgkjnd

**Shirowo:** Matthew Alexander Holt, don't you dare continue.

**James:** do it

**Incredible Hunk:** do it

**Gorgeous Man:** DO IT

**Meme#1:** so when he wakes up,

**Shirowo:** Matt.

**Meme#1:** so when he wakes up, i've dragged him off to our room (we were dorm buddies) and lemme tell you, that is no small feat cause he's like 200 pounds of pure muscle

**Meme#1:** pure rock hard muscle

**Meme#1:**

**gay:** matt stop drooling and finish the story

**Meme#1:** oh yeah! so when he wakes up he goes "is it over?" and i take pity on the poor guy- "yeah t's over"

**Meme#1:** and he goes "who am i supposed to kiss tho"

**Meme#1:** and i was like "i'm here"

**Meme#1:** and he gave me this fond-ass smile and went, "yeah, you are."

**Meme#1:** and uhhhh yeah

**Pidgeroni:** that was.... actually really sweet

**Pidgroni:** what the fuck

**Leifi Boi:** I quite enjoyed that story. Thank you, Matthew.

_3:21 pm_

**muscleman > matte**

**muscleman:** Did you really have to?

**matte:** you know i had to do it to em

**muscleman:** ugh. You, Matthew Holt, are the worst.

**matte:** ;P

**matte:** seriously tho

**matte:** that's one of my favorite memories from before kerberos

**muscleman:**

**muscleman:** ...It is?

**matte:** .... yeah. it is.

**muscleman:** oh.

**muscleman:** okay.

 

_3:32pm_

**Shiro > Princess**

**Shiro:** Allura.

**Princess:** Yes, Shiro?

**Shiro:** Could I ask for your help on something? Usually I'd ask Keith but I don't want to rope him into this right now. He's got his own... thing going on.

**Princess:** You're referring to his ongoing infatuation with Lance, correct?

**Shiro:** Yep.

**Princess:** I think he should just talk to lance directly. Even if Lance did not return Keith's affections-- which I suspect he does, without even knowing so-- Lance would never hurt Keith.

**Shiro:** I completely agree, Princess.

**Princess:** It isn't our place to prod though. we must let it flow naturally.

**Princess:** In any case, what can I help you with, Shiro?

**Shiro:** It's about Matt.

_Shiro sent one (1) picture!_

**Princess:** What is the problem?

**Shiro:** What do you think he means by this?

**Shiro:** It's hard to tell with Matt sometimes.... It's difficult to tell if he is joking or if he means it. Sometimes it's both at once.

**Princess:** I see.

**Princess:** Well, he said it meant a lot to him. That may mean that it was an instance of a time he felt accepted by you inthe beginnings of his friendship, allowing him to feel closer to you. But knowing Matt, it is more likely that it meant more.

**Shiro:** More?

**Princess:** How do I put this delicately?

**Princess:** To be frank, I believe Matt has feelings for you.

**Shiro:**

**Shiro:** what

**Princess:** I advise you talk to him about it, Shiro. He will be honest with you if you ask him.

**Shiro:** I

**Shiro:** Maybe I will.

**Shiro:** Thank you, Allura.

**Princess:** Anytime.

**Shiro:** Now about you and Romelle...

**Princess:** Oh dear, it seems i have suddenly lost the ability to read! What a shame.

**Shiro:** Lance is rubbing off on you.

**Shiro:** This is only the beginning.

**Shiro:** The beginning of the end.

 

_3:24 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Lanceypants:** i dunno where shiro went so i'm going next

**Lanceypants:** hunk, truth or dare

**Incredible Hunk:** dare

**Lacneypants:** i dare you to flip off iverson

**James:** that isn't that bad

**Lacneypants:** for you or me, maybe

**Kink-aid:** ?

**Pidgeoni:** guys, this is hunk

**gay:** he's a literal angel

**Incredible Hunk:** ... can i pass?

**Leifi Boi:** No.

**Vewwonica:** just do it from his left, he can't see you from that side

**Rizavi:** Veronica!

**Lacneypants:** shofgdisjlk;osfl

**Gorgeous Man:** ARE YOU REFERRING TO HIS EYEPATCH?

**gay:** yes, coran.

**Gorgeous Man:** OH HOW FUNNY

**Gorgeous Man:** HAHAHAHA

**james:** .... okay

**Leifi Boi:** What I would like to know is what actually happened to his eye. One day it was there, the next it wasn't.

**Vewwonica:** i asked him, once. he wouldn't tell me and got really pissy and said something about a "imbecilic pilot"

**Lanceypants:** i know what happened

**gay:** no

**gay:** lance no

**Vewwonica:** owo what's this?

**Kink-aid:** tell us

**Lanceypants:** ....

 

_3:36 pm_

**keitten > lancey**

**keitten:** please don't tell them

**keitten:** shiro will kill me

**lancey:** okay i won't

**lancey:** but only cause you asked nicely

**lancey:** and i don't want to lose my eye as well...

**keitten:** lanceeee

**lancey:** keithhhhh

**lancey:** okay okay i won't say anything

**keitten:** thank you lance

**keitten:** <3

**lancey:** oh my god

**keitten:** what?

**lancey:** you did it first this time!

**lancey:** you really do love me!

**keitten:**

 

_3:41 pm_

**piiiiiiiidge > the Truth Is Out There**

**piiiiiiiidge:** i can feel your pining from across the facility

**the Truth Is Out There:** how did you

**piiiiiiiidge:** mm.

**the Truth Is Out There:** you scare me sometimes

**piiiiiiiidge:** then all is as it should be.

_3:52 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Incredible Hunk:** okay i did it

**Incredible Hunk:** i feel horrible

**Vewwonica:** welcome to the dark side, sweetie

**Pidgeroni:** there's no going back

**Rizavi:** one of us

**gay:** one of us

**Kink-aid:** one of us

**Lanceypants:** one of us

**Vewwonica:** oh please lance you aren't on the dark side

**Vewwonica:** you wet the bed until you were twelve

**Lanceypants:** veronica!

**Vewwonica:** you know i had to do it to em

**Shirowo:** i am hereby banning any version of the phrase "you know i had to do it to em" from this chat, indefinitely, active now.

**gay:** no

**gay:** i refuse

**gay:** fight the power

**Lanceypants:** shiro why

**Pidgeroni:** you know....

**Shirowo:** Pidge, don't you dare.

**Pidgeroni:** ..... you know he had to do it to em

**Meme#1:** katie i'm so proud of you

_Shirowo removed Pidgeroni from the chat!_

**gay:** pidge no!

**Incredible Hunk:** we lost a brave fighter today boys

**Lanceypants:** pidge was such a valiant soul

**Lanceypants:** they went out with such grace, such style

**Lanceypants:** and you know...

**Shirowo:** Lance.

**Lanceypants:** you know they had to do it to em

_Shirowo removed Lanceypants from the chat!_

**gay:** you know shiro had to do it to im

_Shirowo removed gay from the chat_

**Incredible Hunk:** you would betray your own brother like that

**Incredible Hunk:** cold

**Shirowo:**

**Shirowo:**

**Shirowo:** .....you know i had to do it to em

**Vewwonica:** sdfjgildfghk;lsd;

**Vewwonica:** voltron is /wild/

_Pidgeon was added to the chat!_

**James:** wait what the fuck how did you do that

**Pidgeon:** griffin, i hacked my way into the highest security military facility on the east coast at the age of twelve, successfully infiltrating the base under a false name without being discovered until my disappearance

**Pidgeon:** why are you fucking surprised

_Pidgeon added Kogayne and Lanceypants to the chat!_

**Kogayne:** thanks pidge

**Pidgeon:** us cryptids gotta stick together

**Kogayne:** god you're so right

**Pidgeon:** I'm always right

**Meme#1:** we hold these truths to be self evidet, that the all mighty pidge is always irrefutibly correct in all matters, for they are all-seeing and powerful,,,,

**Pidgeon:** bow before my brilliance, bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know i had to do it to em ;)  
> OH AND i think i'll get a chapter out on the spooky day itself. if not then, it will hit yall the weekend after.  
> Please spook responsibly kiddos.  
> Your comments give me life and feed my kids  
> Your support irons my clothes  
> Your kudos cure my arthritis  
> have a wonderful night/day/eternity babes! drink yer juice and vote! or else!


	10. fellas is it gay: halloween edition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most Gay: you did this to me
> 
> Most Gay: god doesn't hate me; you do
> 
> piggie: bold of you to assume we aren't one entity
> 
> Most Gay: what
> 
> OR: it's halloween; veronica is a lil angsty; shatt talks, sort-of; mutual pining of the laith variety; and pidge is really, really done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS A SHIT SHOW.  
> fair warning.  
> a looooot happens. also it's really fucking long.  
> PLEASE read the END NOTE

_October 31st  10:47 am_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Lanceypants:** happy spooky day bitches!

 **Pidgeon:** *spoopy

_Lanceypants changed their name to Spoopy Hoe_

**Spoopy Hoe:** thaaat's better

 **Vewwonica:** what are yall's costumes

 **James:** i'm not dressing up

 **James:** cause i'm not five

 **Kink-aid:** james we're breaking up

 **Incredible Hunk:** pfft

 **James:** ryannnnn

 **Kink-aid:** bitch i won't hesitate

**James:**

**Kink-aid:** suddenly i'm single

 **Spoopy Hoe:** ryan you know i'm always down~

 **Shirowo:** Lance

 **Spoopy Hoe:** really tho kinkade you're fucking hot

 **Spoopy Hoe:** i bet you could probably like bench press me or something

 **Kink-aid:** how much do u weigh

 **James:** oh my god stOP

 **Spoopy Hoe:** 135ish

 **Kink-aid:** nah i can only do 110

 **James:** s t o p

 **Spoopy Hoe:** damn

 **Pidgeon:** you know

 **Pidgeon:** keith can bench press 160

**Spoopy Hoe:**

**Spoopy Hoe:**

**Kink-aid:** Lance?

 **Incredible Hunk:** pidge i think you broke lance

 

_11:02 am_

**tall hoe > short hoe**

**tall hoe:** pidge

 **tall hoe:** is that true

 **short hoe:** is what true

 **tall hoe:** what you said about keith benchpressing 160

 **short hoe:** oh yeah it's true

 **short hoe:** i've seen him do it

**tall hoe:**

**tall hoe:**

**tall hoe:** that's not /fair/

 **tall hoe:** first he's gotta be all smart brave and fucking perfect and a good leader and actually funny when you get him to open up and he's been through a lot and he still is amazing and he has a nice laugh and his eyes are really pretty and,,,, and then he's gotta be ,,,

 **tall hoe:** strong

 **tall hoe:** so strong

 **tall hoe:** jesus

 **short hoe:** lance tell it to me straight:

 **tall hoe:** bitch you know i'm bi--

 **short hoe:** shut up for a second

 **short hoe:** do you like keith yes or no

 **tall hoe:** of course! he's my friend

 **short hoe:** not what i meant

**tall hoe:**

**short hoe:** okay you thick fucking idiot

 **tall hoe:** *thicc

 **short hoe:** i'm just gonna give you a hypothetical here alright

 **tall hoe:** sure?

 **short hoe:** what if,,, and hear me out,,,,, just think about this:

 **short hoe:** you and keith. together. kissing. cuddling. hugging. laughing. dancing. talking. whatever else gross domestic couples do.

 **short hoe:** does that sound nice?

**tall hoe:**

**tall hoe:**

**tall hoe:** umm yeah it actually sounds really really nice

 **tall hoe:** oh shit

 **short hoe:** mhm

 **tall hoe:** i like keith

 **tall hoe:** fuck.

 **short hoe:** don't freak out

 **short hoe:** please don't

 **short hoe:** i can't deal with two of you

 **tall hoe:** but piiiidddgggee he'd never like meeee

 **tall hoe:** he's so,,,, and i'm just,,,,, aw fuck

 **tall hoe:** fuck

 **short hoe:** calm down asshole

 **short hoe:** it'll be fine

 **short hoe:** i'll help you

 **tall hoe:** help me?

 **short hoe:** yeah

 **short hoe:** help you get you your man

 **tall hoe:** really?

 **short hoe:** it's for the greater good.

 **tall hoe:** awww piiiiiddddggggeee

 **tall hoe:** thank you

 **short hoe:** yeah yeah

 **short hoe:** oh and why is my name short hoe if i'm ace

 **tall hoe:** you're an honorary hoe

 **short hoe:** is that good

 **tall hoe:** yeah it is :)

 **short hoe:** alright then

 **tall hoe:** <3

**short hoe:**

**tall hoe:** pidge you have to do it back!

 **short hoe:** y'all hear somethin?

 **tall hoe:** i came out here to have a good time and honestly i feel so attacked

 **short hoe:** blocked

 

_12:43 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Spoopy Hoe:** oh wait y'all never said what you were gonna be for halloween

 **James:** i'm going as a tired young man who is only pretending to have a costume in order to keep his amazing boyfriend from leaving him

 **Pidgeon:** did you just call yourself "young man"?

 **James:** yes?

 **gay:** shiro he's as old as you are

 **Shirowo:** I'm 25.

 **Matt:** yeah. old.

 **Shirowo:** Matthew you are two months younger than me

 **Meme#1:** you know i had ot do it to em

 **Shirowo:** What did I say about that phrase?

 **Meme#1:** i repeat, you know i had to do it to em

 **Shirowo:** Why do I try?

 **gay:** actually matt's older than you cause you're six

 **Vewwonica:** owo what's this?

 **gay:** shiro was born on a leap day

 **Spoopy Hoe:** asjkghdfnkaml

 **Rizavi:** he's six years old and yet he has six kids?

 **Incredible Hunk:** eleven if you count all of you

 **Pidgeon:** twelve counting matt.

 **Meme#1:** no don't i don't like that

 **Pidgeon:** fair. eleven plus matt

 **Vewwonica:** what

 **Spoopy Hoe:** MOving on, y'all never said what your costumes are

 **Pidgeon:** i'm a robot

 **Pidgeon:** i made it out of sentry scraps

 **Rizavi:** ominous but badass

 **Rizavi:** respect.

 **Rizavi:** i'm going as a skeleton

 **Vewwonica:** i'mma be a mechanic

 **James:** why

 **Vewwonica:** because i'm gay

 **James:** yeah we know what does that have to do with anything

 **Vewwonica:** it has to do with everything.

 **gay:** oh true

 **Pidgeon:** what are you being keith

 **Spoopky Hoe:** probably something emo like a vampire or something

 **Incredible Hunk:** keith you can't be a vampire i'm being a vampire

 **gay:** i'm not being a vampire

 **gay:** i'm being a hippo

 **Spoopy Hoe:** you,,,, what

 **gay:** yeah i bought a onesie and everything

 **Shirowo:** It's true, look:

_Shirowo sent one (1) picture._

**Spoopy Hoe:**

**Spoopy Hoe:** oh.

 

_1:09 pm_

**short hoe > tall hoe**

**short hoe:** what do you think of his costume lance?

 **short hoe:** feeling the gay yet?

 **tall hoe:** oh boy am i

 **tall hoe:** it's so cuuuute

 **short hoe:** shut your pining mouth i have an idea

 **tall hoe:** owo what's this? i'm listening

 **short hoe:** meet me in the black box in five minutes

 **tall hoe:** in the what

 **short hoe:** the black box. that room by the theater

 **tall hoe:** the garrison has a theater?!?

 **short hoe:** you lived here for two years lance how do you not know this

 **tall hoe:** i'm but a dumb bitch

 **short hoe:** that's a mood

 **short hoe:** just be there in five

 **tall hoe:** can do

 

_1:32 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Queen:** Sorry we are late to the convesation, we were at a meeting, but my fellow Alteans and I are dressing as a pumpkin patch for this holiday.

 **Gorgeous Man:** NOW I AM THE MOST GORGEOUS PUMPKIN OF THEM ALL.

 **Meme#1:** oh my g o d

 **Leifi Boi:** it is quite a good costume i must say

 **Shirowo:** I'm going as a doctor

 **Meme#1:** a sexy doctor

 **Shirowo:** No just a doctor.

 **Meme#1:** takashi you're always sexy you idiot

 **Shirowo:** i

 **Shirowo:** what

 **Vewwonica:** oh tea?

 **Meme#1:** not really. anyone with eyes can see it

 **Vewwonica:** alas, dear matthew, you forget i am as lesbian as they come

 **Meme#1:** oh yeah, how's that going for you bb?

 **Vewwonica:** it's pretty good. I like a pretty girl

 **Meme#1:** that's nice. i like a pretty boy.

 **Meme#1:** well objectively he's more sexy than pretty

 **Pidgeon:** aaaand we've gone fulll circle

_1:53 pm_

**rizolves in water > veri sweet**

**rizolves in water:** wait v you like a girl?

 **rizolves in water:** who?

 **veri sweet:** why do you care?

 **rizolves in water:** cause you're my friend and i care about you?

 **veri sweet:** do you now

 **rizolves in water:** yes?

 **rizolves in water:** veroinca what's wrong?

 **rizolves in water:** did i do something to upset you?

 **rizolves in water;** how can i make it better?

 **veri sweet:** you can't

 **rizolves in water:** what?

 **rizolves in water:** veronica?

 

_2:13 pm_

**Rizavi > Lance**

**Rizavi:** hello lance

 **Lance:** hi?

 **Rizavi:** is something up with veronica?

 **Rizavi:** i'm worried

 **Lance:** what happened?

_Rizavi sent one (1) screenshot_

**Rizavi:** that.

 **Lance:** oh.

 **Rizavi:** she's my best friend and she's never gotten like this with me before what did i do how do i fix it?

 **Lance:** i think i know what it is, calm down.

 **Rizavi:** i can't

 **Lance:** relax honey

 **Lance:** gimme a sec, i'll talk to her.

 **Rizavi:** okay

 **Rizavi:** thank you.

_2:19_

**youngling > big sis**

**youngling:** veronica what is going on with you and rizavi?

 **youngling:** she thinks you're mad at her and it's freaking her out

 **youngling:** just tell her already

 **big sis:** leave me alone, lance

 **youngling:** veronica

 **big sis:** no

 **big sis:** veronica isn't here

 **youngling:** please let me help

 **big sis:** i don't need your help

 **youngling:** you need someone's help

 **youngling:** maybe it isn't me, but you gotta open up to someone

 **big sis:** stop being wise that's my job

**big sis:**

**big sis:** fine.

 **youngling:** fine?

 **big sis:** i'll talk to her

 **youngling:** :)

 **big sis:** just not today. i will tell her though. soon.

 **youngling:** alright. just go apologize for now.

 **big sis:** fiiiiiine

 **big sis:** you suck

 **youngling:** ;)

 

_2: 27 pm_

**veri sweet > rizolves in water**

**veri sweet:** rizavi

 **rizolves in water:** yes veronica?

 **veri sweet:** i'm sorry.

 **veri sweet:** for snapping at you

 **veri sweet:** i'm just freaking out a little

 **rizolves in water:** about what? if you feel comfy telling

**veri sweet:**

**veri sweet:** about the girl

 **rizolves in water:** oh?

 **veri sweet:** yeah.

 **veri sweet:** i like her a lot.

 **veri sweet:** she's really sweet and caring and is so important to me

 **rizolves in water:** she sounds wonderful

 **veri sweet:** she is.

 **rizolves in water:** i hope she knows how much she means to you

 **veri sweet:** me too.

_2:32 pm_

**matte > takashi**

**matte:** hey shiro

 **takashi:** what.

 **matte:** well hello to you too

 **takashi:** what do you want

 **matte:** you know i find it funny how you text with such proper grammar and formatting in the group chat but when it's just me or keith you are as bad as the rest of us

 **takashi:** it's cause you can't possibly judge me any more than you already have

 **matte:** tru

 **matte;** but so far i like what i see ;)

 **takashi:** um

 **takashi:** did you want something or

 **matte:** oh yeah

 **matte:** can i take your temperature? you're looking hot today

 **takashi:** wh

 **matte:** get it? cause you're dressed as a doctor?

 **takashi:** you're so dumb

 **matte:** are you my appendix? cause it feels like i'd like to take you out

**takashi:**

**matte:** no seriously tho

 **matte:** will you go on a date with me shiro

 **matte;** you big beautiful hunk of muscle

 **takashi:** wait are you serious?

 **matte:** dead

 **takashi:** have you been.... meaning that this whole time?

 **matte:** pretty much yeah

 **matte:** you're just oblivious as fuck

 **takashi:** oh

 **matte:** so?

 **takashi:** yes

 **matte:** yes?

 **takashi:** yes i'd like to go one a date with you

 **takashi:** that sounds very nice

 **matte:** awesome

 **takashi:** yup. awesome

 **matte:** fantastic

 **takashi:** yeah.

**matte:**

**takashi:**

**matte:** see you later takashi

 **takashi:** bye matt

 

_3:16 pm_

**daaaad > child**

**daaad:** keith he asked me out

 **child:** who did? adam or matt?

 **daaad:** matt

 **daaad:** i haven't talked to adam yet

 **child:** :/ you should

 **daaad:** shut up

 **daaad:** let me be happy

 **daaad:** he asked me out keith tht emans he like sme right

 **child:** yes shiro

 **child:** that is what it means

 **child:** you're as bad as i am

 **daaad:** debatable

 **daaad:** speaking of,

 **child:** what

 **daaad:** did you see lance's costume

 **child:** no?

 **daaad:** he's in the common room, go look

 **child:** why?

 **daaad:** just do it

 **child:** okay

 

 

_3:29 pm_

**child > daaad**

**child:** fukc

 **child:** wha

 **child:** why

 **child:** does god actually hate me

 **child:** god hates me

 **child:** it's casue i'm gay isn't it

 **daaad:** stop being dramatic

 **daaad:** god doesn't hate you

 **daaad:** i might tho

**child: :'(**

**daaad:** kidding.

 **child:** he,,,,, i can't believe,,,, hwo did he,,,,, he tol dme he was going to be a baseball player,,,,

 **daaad:** you okay over there kiddo?

 **child:** no i most certainly am /not/ okay shiro

 **daaad:** hmmmm

 

_3:41pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

_Takashi sent one (1) picture!_

**Queen:** Lance I do not understand your costume.

 **Romellegant:** what are the red dots on your head

 **Gorgeous Man:** WHAT ARE THE WINGS FOR? DID THEY GROW OVER NIGHT? I WOULD LIKE SOME.

 **Pidgeon:** they're fake, coran

 **Pidgeon:** i made them out of cardboard and fabric in like five minutes

_3:45 pm_

**Most Gay > piggie**

**Most Gay:** you

 **piggie:** me.

 **Most Gay:** you did this to me

 **Most Gay:** god doesn't hate me; you do

 **piggie:** bold of you to assume we aren't one entity

 **Most Gay:** what

 **piggie:** what

 

_3:47 pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**HunkyMonkey:** i don't get it either

 **HunkyMonkey:** what happened to being a baseball player

 **LaLaLance:** this is better

 **HunkyMonkey:** how

 **LaLaLance:** cause he's keith's favorite

 

_3:48 pm_

**Most Gay > piggie**

**Most Gay:** fukc fhghjksdfla;'

 **piggie:** breathe

 

_3:49 pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Mattematics:** but who is it

 **LaLaLance:** i am....

 **LaLaLance:** Mothman!

 **HunkyMonkey:** oooohhhh

 **Takashi:** Fun Fact, when Keith was younger he was convinced that he would marry Mothman.

 **LaLaLance:** hsjgdfklas;

 **Mattematics:** well now he can

 **Kogayne:** why would you tell them that

 **LaLaLance:** it's too late

 **LaLaLance:** you gotta marry me now

 **Kogayne:** sure.

**LalaLance:**

**LaLaLance:** wh,,,

 **LaLaLance:** what?

 **Kogayne:** i said sure

_3:53 pm_

**Most Gay > piggie**

**Most Gay:** abort abort

 **Most Gay:** pidge why did i do that

 **piggie:** cause you're gay and in love with him

 **Most Gay:** oh yeah

 

_3:54 pm_

**tall hoe > short hoe**

**tall hoe:** this is too much

 **tall hoe:** hsjgdfkdla

 **short hoe:** then say no

 **tall hoe:** are you insane why would i do that

 **short hoe:** `\\(*-*)/`

 **tall hoe:** but he just,,,, afjskg,,,, ugh i like him a lot

 **short hoe:** i dunno how to help you rn dude

 **tall hoe:** that's fair

 

_3:57 pm_

**Computer > Machine**

**Computer:** how did i end up as the romance guru?

 **Computer:** i'm the one who's ace

 **Machine:** tea?

 **Computer:** too much tea to even explain

 **Computer:** but i'm willing to try

 **Machine:** movies and gossip tonight?

 **Computer:** fuck yeah

 **Machine:** i'll tell the girls

 **Computer:** thanks hunk

 **Machine:** this is gonna be good

 

_3:59 pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Takashi:** Did my little brother just get married?

 **Pidgeon:** pretty much

 **Takashi:** Lance you have my blessing.

 **LaLaLance:** dshlfjgk

 **Romellegant:** I'm unsure of what is going on but i'm here for it

 **Queen:** I am glad that these two have worked it out.

 **Gorgeous Man:** WE WERE ROOTING FOR YOU.

 **Kogayne:** guys calm down it was a joke

 **Pidgeon:** mostly

 **Kogayne:** mostly.

 **LaLaLance:** mostly

 **Kogayne:** wait what

 **LaLaLance:** what

_4:08 pm_

**Keithy > Lancey**

**Keithy:** what did you mean mostly

 **Lancey:** what did /you/ mean mostly

 **Keithy:** fair.

 **Lancey:** did you like my costume tho?

**Keithy:**

**Keithy:** yeah i did

 **Keithy:** a lot

 **Keithy:** though to be fair i'd probably like anything if you wore it

**Lancey:**

 

_4;12 pm_

**tall hoe > short hoe**

**tall hoe:** PIDGE  
  


_4:12 pm_

**Most Gay > piggie**

**Most Gay:** PIDGE

 

_4:12 pm_

**Computer > Machine**

**Computer:** i can feel my hair turnng grey already

 **Machine:** this is so sad atlas play despacito

 **Computer:** shut the fuck up.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) OPINIONS PLEASE: please let me know if this chapter was too fast, if it was too much all at once, if i didn't give enough juice to any part of it, or any other thoughts you had. I want to pace this well but we still have a long way to go.  
> 2) THIS IS A CALL OUT TO Y'ALL ARTISTS OUT THERE: I would absolutely, positively /die/ form joy if anyone would like to try drawing any of the characters in their costumes, particularly Lance as Mothman, Keith as a hippo, Robo-Pidge, or the Altean pumpkin patch. Seriously, i'd fucking love that. If not, that's okay tho!  
> 3) please vote kiddos
> 
> Have a wonderful day!


	11. sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lanceypants: romellura for the win  
> Hunk: rt  
> Pidgeon: rt
> 
> it's a little gay.

_November 7th 3:16 pm_

**Princess > Hunk**

**Princess:** Hello Hunk.

**Hunk:** hey allura

**Hunk:** what's up?

**Princess:** I would like to ask for your assistance with something.

**Hunk:** sure. what can i help with?

**Princess:** Romelle.

**Hunk:** romelle?

**Princess:** I'd like to ask her on a date.

**Hunk:** !!!!

**Hunk:** that's awesome!!!!

**Princess:** I've come to the conclusion that it's worth a shot.

**Princess:** But I am unsure of what to do.

**Hunk:** well. let's start with this: what do you want to do for the date?

**Princess:** Hmm.

**Princess:** Well Romelle really liked that "bowling" that you paladins showed us.

**Hunk:** that's a start!

**Hunk:** what about food?

**Princess:** I'd like to make her something Altean, to remind her she still has a people even if our homeworld is long gone.

**Hunk:** aww that's sweet

**Princess:** Do you happen to know where I could get a Kylenian gorpus or a Thistine dungerbird egg?

**Hunk:**

**Hunk:** no.

**Princess:** That is a shame.

**Hunk:** well what are those things like? maybe there's something on earth similar to it

**Princess:** Alright. A gorpus is like a paste that is sweet and a little tart. It is bright yellow in color and was used in lots of pastries on Altea.

**Hunk:** so like a strawberry maybe?

**Princess:** Possibly. I have never had this "strawberry" but I would be willing to try.

**Hunk:** okay. and for the dungerbird egg, you could try a regular chicken egg?

**Princess:** Sounds wonderful. Would you be interested in helping me make these things?

**Hunk:** hell yeah

**Princess:** Alright. What else do I need to know for a date?

**Hunk:** well how about before you go bowling you take her on a picnic to eat?

**Princess:** That is a good idea Hunk. Romelle is very fond of your Earthen flowers and plants.

**Hunk:** you really like her huh?

**Princess:** Very much, yes.

**Hunk:** i'm happy for you.

**Princess:** Well she may not say yes. We are good friends, but I am not sure if she would be interested in courting me, though I hope she would be.

**Hunk:** i have a feeling she would be delighted to

**Princess:** I hope you are right.

**Princess:** Lastly, how do I ask her?

**Hunk:** well you just.... ask her?

**Hunk:** "romelle would you be interested in going on a date with me?"

**Hunk:** and if she says yes, you decide together on a date and time, adn if she says no, then you come ave a sleepover with Lance and Pidge and I and we will eat ice cream until you feel better

**Princess:** Hmm.

**Hunk:** hmm?

**Princess:** I will do this

**Hunk:** hell yeah you will! you got this!

**Princess:**

**Princess:** Is that offer to sleepover with you three valid only if Romelle turns me down?

**Hunk:** you wanna come over tonight?

**Pricness:** Yes please. I enjoy spending time with you all immensely.

**Hunk:** awesome sauce. i'll tell the other two

 

_3:48 pm_

_Hunk added **Princess, Pidgeon,** and **Lanceypants** to the chat!_

_Hunk renamed the chat **Sleepover**_

**Lanceypants:** owo what's this?

**Pidgeon:** oh heeeeellllll yeah

**Princess:** :)

**Hunk:** whose room we doin

**Lanceypants:** not mine. i still haven't cleaned it up since yall trashed it two nights ago

**Pidgeon:** we didn't /trash/ it

**Hunk:** just mildly destroyed it

**Princess:** I would volunteer my room, but Romelle has set up camp there and I wouldn't want to disturb her. She is scary when she is tired.

**Pidgeon:** yall are already sharing a room? that's so domestic i love it

**Lanceypants:** romellura for the win

**Hunk:** rt

**Pidgeon:** rt

_8:58 pm_

**knife > sharpi**

**knife:** hey where'd you go?

**knife:** you aren't in your room

**sharpi:** sleepover.

**knife:** oh

**sharpi:** did you need something?

**knife;** not really

**sharpi:** oh okay

**knife:**

**sharpi:**

**knife:** so sleepover huh? with hunk?

**sharpi:** yeah and pidge and lura

**knife:** cool.

**sharpi:** you wanna come?

**knife:** and watch your soap operas and eat ice cream? hmm

**sharpi:** hey! my soaps are fucking wonderful you jerk

**knife:** sure thy are

**sharpi:** they /are/

**knife:** mhm

**sharpi:** so you in or no?

**knife:** i don't wanna be around people rn actually

**knife:** if that's alright?

**sharpi:** of course it's alright

**sharpi:** you wanna talk about it?

**knife;** it's not really an "it" i just don't wanna rn

**sharpi:** that's okay

**sharpi:** wait you don't wanna be around people but you went looking for me?

**knife:** you're not people lance

**sharpi:** i'm not a person?

**knife:** no you are

**knife:** but you're not /people/

**sharpi:** huh?

**knife:** you don't make me uncomfortable like other people do i mean

**sharpi:** oh

**sharpi:** why?

**knife;** i don't know

**knife:** you're just very good to be around

**knife:** safe.

**sharpi:** oh.

**knife:** yeah

**sharpi:** well i'm happy to help

**sharpi:** you make me feel comfortable too samurai

**knife:** is it my overwhelmingly open personality or the fact that i have at least two kives on me at all times that makes me comforting

**sharpi:** gasp!

**knife:** don;t say gasp

**sharpi:** g a s p

**knife:** oh my god

**sharpi:** did you just make a joke?

**knife:** yes?

**sharpi:** hunk's right. galra you /is/ funnier

**knife:** laaaance

**sharpi:** and whinier too it seems

**knife:** i will not hesitate to stab you

**sharpi:** rebecca! it's not what it looks like!

**knife:** ???

**knife:** my name's not rebecca?

**sharpi:** dshgjkdfadl

**sharpi:** oh my g o d

**knife:** what

**sharpi:** tomorrow we are going to spend the entire day educating you in vines

**sharpi:** the whole day

**knife:** okay.

**sharpi:** wait actually?

**knife:** yes?

**sharpi:** you're actually willing to hang out with me all day? i'm not gonna be too annoying?

**knife:** lance you're not annoying

**knife:** not to me

**sharpi:**

 

_9:22 pm_

**oh my fuckin god >** **she fuckin dead**

**oh my fuckin god:** pidge

**she fuckin dead:** what is it lance

**she fuckin dead:** i'm literally two feet from you

**oh my fuckin god:** i don't want the others to hear

**she fuckin dead:** tea?

**oh my fuckin god:**

_oh my fuckin god sent one (1) picture!_

**oh my fuckin god:** is this a date

**she fuckin dead:** if it is then you are doing romace correctly

**she fuckin dead:** couples who meme together stay together

**oh my fuckin god:** we aren't a couple

**oh my fuckin god:** but this isn't a date, right?

**she fuckin dead:** oh my god you diasater, /you're/ theone who asked him to hang out stop freakign out it doesn't matter if it's a date or not you get to hang out with keith and that's what ou want right?

**oh my fuckin god:** well

**oh my fuckin god:** you're right.

**she fuckin dead:** of course i am

**oh my fuckin god:** you're pretty wise for a five year old

**she fuckin dead:** bitch

**oh my fuckin god:** blocked and reported

**she fuckin dead:** wait unblock me

**oh my fuckin god:** unblocked

**she fuckiin dead:** bitch

_oh my fuckin god blocked she fuckin dead_

 

_9:54 pm_

**sharpi > knife**

_sharpi sent six (6) pictures!_

**sharpi:** look at us

**knife:** my favorite is the one where pidge is strangling you

**sharpi:** rude

**sharpi:** your favorite isn't the one where my hair is in barettes? i look like i'm five i thought you'd love that

**sharpi:** you know, perfect opportunity for teasing and stuff

**knife:** well i mean i do love it

**sharpi:**

**knife:**

**sharpi:** what, no teasing?

**knife:** no

**sharpi:** um?

_10:06 pm_

**kogane > shirt**

**kogane:** shiro

**shirt:** hello yes this is shiro

**kogane:**

**kogane:** matt?

**shirt:** what no this is shiro

**shirt:** patience yields focus

**shirt:** see?

**kogane:** matt lemme talk to shiro

**shirt:** can't. he's asleep

**kogane:** ughhhhhhhh

**shirt:** what did you need kiddo

**kogane:** matt don't call me kiddo

**shirt:** i'm being shiro

**shirt:** so i gotta

**kogane:** matt.

**shirt:** just let me heeeeellllpppp

**kogane:** fine.

**kogane:** though it's more of a i-need-to-let-the-gay-out situatioin than something you can help with

**shirt:** oh i'm good at that

**kogane:** okay then

**kogane:** it's lance

**shirt:** ooooooooo

**shirt:** eyes emoji

**kogane:** you know what? nevermind

**shirt:** nonono stay

**shirt:** what would shiro say?

**shirt:** "I am too tired for this Keith just talk to him."

**kogane:** we both know that isn't going to happen

**shirt:** hey i did it you can too

**kogane:** oh yeah how is that going?

**shirt:** fucking awesome i fucking love him so fucking much he's so fucking strong and so fucking smart and fucking brave and fuck

**shirt:** fuck

**kogane:** well then

**shirt:** wait we're supposed to talk about you

**shirt:** go on, rant

**kogane:** alright just loook

_kogane sent six (6) pictures_

**shirt:** okay and? it's just the four of them being dorks

**kogane:** he's so cute though what the fuck what thejk fokc

**kogane:** his hair is in BARETTES

**kogane:** he has PINK PAJAMAS

**kogane:** with little LIONS on thEM

**kogane:** and that otHER ONE

**kogane:** where he's snuggling with hunk

**kogane:** i wish that were meeeee

**kogane:** heeeellllppp

**shirt:** wow you really got it bad

**shirt:** big yikes

**kogane:** not helpppiinnngg

**shirt:** sorry

**shirt:** if i were shiro what would i do

**kogane:** usually he just sits there and act stired ut i can tell that he's enjoying my pain

**shirt:** well if it makes you feel any better

**shirt:** you're even more of a gay disaster than i am

**kogane:** bye

**shirt:** as shiro would say: "go. be great"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what'd'ya think?
> 
> A BRIEF POLL: would y'all like me to write keith and lance's day together? it would be like an actual thingy with paragraphs and prose and shit, not in chat format. but like is that something you are interested in? let me know. (also don't you dare say yes because you think it'd be polite or whatever; please be fucking honest babes i can take it!)
> 
> the rest of the crew will be back soon, i promise
> 
> anyway drink yer Respecting One Another Juice and leave a comment! have a wonderful day/night my darlings i love y'all your feedback keeps my crops flourishing


	12. come get y'all juice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HunkyMonkey: why didn't you capitalize /my/ name?  
> Pidgeon: i capitalize those who have earned it.  
> Mattematics: hfshdkj  
> takashi: I have not earned it?  
> Pidgeon: you're stupid enough to like matt.  
> takashi: Understandable have a nice day.
> 
> or: Operation Klance, vine date, and someone gets punched in the dick  
> spoilers: it's you. you get punched in the dick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i must disclose that this is terribly written cause sat down and pelted it out in less than two hours, did not proof read it, and had to alternate between this and my history homework. also i suck at writing `\\(*_*)/`  
> AND: if y'all care, here's the playlist i listened to while writing this chapter: [the Good Kush](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1nwBHccTl6SLej7LvnvdPg)  
> ALSO: ya babe has a [tumblr](https://angryjane.tumblr.com/) if that's something you would be interested in! if you have ideas, wanna chat about voltron, or just wanna talk, that's the best way to get in touch! i hope you won't hesitate to say hi!  
> okey enjoy

"It will be fine." Pidge had said, pushing him towards Keith's room.

"It will be fine." He'd told himself, knocking on the metal door.

"It will be fine." He'd repeated, taking a deep breath as he heard footsteps on the other side.

It was not fine.

The door slid open, Keith on the other side.

"Hi." Keith mumbled, tucking his hands into his pockets. He'd ditched their uniforms and was dressed in black leggings and a t-shirt that read "Dinosaur Gay" in blocky letters.

Lance blinked, taking him in, eyes drawn to the sliver of skin revealed by the shirt, the way his leggings clung to his legs, his hair in a damn _bun_ on top of his head. Yeah, it really was not fine.

"Hey man," he managed, looking down and away sheepishly.

"Um. Come in?"

"Yeah." Keith stepped aside to let him in, closing the door behind him.

"So." Lance tried, glancing around the room. It was mostly bare, save for the wall behind the bed, which was covered in pictures and paintings and sketches.

"So."

"I didn't know you drew. Or painted." Lance muttered as he observed the wall. There were some pictures that had been taken on one of their Altean cellphones-- landscapes, aliens, and a couple selfies of the group, including one that Lance himself had pinned on his mirror in his own room of the nine of them-- he, Keith, Pidge, Hunk, Shiro, Allura, Romelle, Coran, and Krolia-- posing in front of the lions in the desert. There were also some sketches of things Keith didn't have pictures of-- Earth, mostly, and a few planets, a supernova, and... Lance. A lot of sketches of Lance. Huh.

"Um. I don't, really. I just... sometimes it helps me." Keith admitted shyly, sitting down on the bed. Lance sat next to him, keeping a few feet of space.

The two were quiet for a minute, Lance still looking at the drawings behind him and Keith just looking at Lance, until Keith broke the silence-- "Lance?"

"Yeah?"

"What's a vine?"

Lance breathed out a nervous laugh, turning towards Keith. "I'm glad you asked." He whipped out his phone, pulling up the youtube videos he had meticulously picked out last night-- his favorite compilations to share with his favorite person. It was an intimate act, watching vines. The most intimate thing you could do with someone, one could argue. Lance was fully prepared to defend that.

"It is, truly, the highest, most intelligent form of human communication."

"...Al..right. But what _is_ it?"

"Shhhh. Just get comfy and prepare to have your world rocked." Lance assured him. Keith flushed at that, but Lance did not take notice. the two settled against the headboard, sides pressed together. It would have been awkward, if.... Well. I was actually kind of awkward. Keith was pretty sure he'd stopped breathing altogether when he felt Lance shirt a little closer to position a his phone on a pillow on their laps.

"Lance-"

"Shh! Keith, just watch."

_"Come and get y'all juice...."_

 

\----

 

_1:06 pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**takashi:** Do any of you know where Keith or Lance are? Neither of them are answering my texts and I can't find them anywhere. We were supposed to train today.

**Pidgeon:** vine date

**takashi:** ....Excuse me?

**Pidgeon:** well lance insisted it wasn't a date, but like. it is. they're watching vines in keith's room. have been for like four hours now.

**takashi:** ...Oh.

**takashi:** Training has been cancelled today, on account of me not wanting to mess up my gay little brother's shot with the boy he's been in love with for like three years. I hope you all understand.

**Gorgeous Man:** OH GOOD FOR THEM. I AM PLEASED.

**Pidgeon:** oh yeah that reminds me

**HunkyMonkey:** ?

**Pidgeon:** hold up

 

_1:17pm_

_Pidgeon added **HunkyMonkey, takashi, Princess, Gorgeous Man, Mattematics, Romellegant,** and **Vewwonica** to the chat!_

_Pidgeon renamed the chat **Operation Klance**_

**Pidgeon:** theeeere we go

**takashi:** I approve.

**HunkyMonkey:** what's this for?

**Vewwonica:** I agree with hunk: owo what's this?

**Pidgeon:** veronica i have wholeheartedly accepted you as my new older sibling but please please please, you don't need to say it everytime

**Vewwonica:** false

**Vewwonica:** i really do need to say it everytime

**Mattematics:** respect.

**Vewwonica:** <3

**Mattematics:** <3

**takashi:** Anyway.

**Pidgeon:** okay let's get down to it: who's gonna crack first: keith or lance? place your bets now.

**HunkyMonkey:** twenty bucks says it's lance

**Mattematics:** damn hunk you'd sell your bestie out like that? cold.

**HunkyMonkey:** i love lance, i really really do, but boy can't keep quiet about anything to save his life

**Vewwonica:** oh that's where you're wrong hunk. i lance is actually really bad at sharing his feelings because he hated "burdening people" with them. it's a pronblem

**HunkyMonkey:** ...

**takashi:** ...Is that true?

**takashi:** Does he know that no one here thinks of him as a burden? Ever?

**Vewwonica:** we're working on it

**takashi:** This is concerning.

**takashi:** Although, I am still going to have to bet Keith will crack first.

**Mattematics:** oh definitely

**Pidgeon:** really?

**Mattematics:** when shiro first adopted keith, he was so freaked out that he tried to run away and when shiro got him back he tried to lecture keith about how he had people who cared about him now and keith stated fuckin crying because he doesn't know how to handle people caring about him

**Mattematics:** and like lance really cares about him and wants to take care of him and all that bullshit and so keith will probably die soon

**takashi:** Yeah Keith's really not so good at keeping secrets either. I tried to throw Adam a surprise party once, and I told Keith not to tell Adam, right? So Keith, being thirteen, saw this as his ultimate mission and vowed not to tell Adam. He was like pretty sure that this was me trying to test his worth, since the adoption papers weren't through yet and he thought I was trying to see if I needed to return him.

**Pidgeon:** that makes me feel,,,, sad,,, stop

**takashi:** It broke my fucking heart.

**HunkyMonkey:** i'm gonna cry

**Mattematics:** anywAY takashi tell the story

**takashi:** Yeah so he was very determined not to tell Adam, and it was gonna be great. Except as soon as Adam walked in the room and said, "Hi Takashi. Hello Keith," Keith broke down and started wailing and Adam was really shook and Keith just told him.

**takashi:** I tried to be mad but it was difficult. Keith really is a good kid.

**Queen:** Your brotherly bond makes me very happy. I am glad Keith has someone like you in his life.

**Pidgeon:** this bitch /may/ be crying in the club,,,

**Mattematics:** only thug tears tho

**Mattematics:** cause my little sis is a badass

**HunkyMonkey:** *little sib

**Mattematics:** oh shit

 

_1;29 pm_

**big holt > little holt**

**big holt:** pidge i'm sorry

**big holt:** i didn't mean to slip up

**big holt:** i wan to you to be comfortable and happy

**big holt:** i'm just adjusting i'm sorry i'm sorry

**big holt:** i'm a bad person i'm so sorryijhkgfdls;

**little holt:** calm your ass down

**little holt:** it's fine

**little holt:** i don't hold it against you

**little holt:** i know it's gonna be a little hard to remember at first since you've been calling me your sister your whole life, and as far as i knew that was correct

**little holt:** i don't blame you at all

**little holt:** i know you are trying your best

**little holt:** so calm the fuck down

**big holt:** hgjskdfla;

**big holt:** you really are the best little sibling i could ever have asked for

**big holt:** you're smart, devious, and you meme with me

**big holt:** i wish upon you a bountiful winter

**big holt:** a plentiful harvest

**little sholt:** shut up you nerd

**big holt:** love you  <3

**little holt:** meh.

**big holt:** i /said/, LOVE YOU  
**little holt:** ugh fine

**little holt:** love you too

**little holt:** nerd

**big holt:** dork

**little holt:** asshole

**big holt:** fucker

**little holt:** <3

**big holt:** <3

 

_1:36 pm_

**Operation Klance**

**Pidgeon:** so anyway, what is the consensus on klance?

**HunkyMonkey:** i like laith better

**Pidgeon:** you don't make the rules; i do.

**Mattematics:** says who?

**Pidgeon:** do you really wanna go there?

**Mattematics:** ...

**Mattematics:** no.

**Pidgeon:** that's what i thought, bitch

**Pidgeon:** anyway, bets?

**takashi:** What did I just witness?

**takashi:** Do I wanna know?

**Mattematics:** No. You do not.

**Gorgeous Man:** OMINOUS.

**HunkyMonkey:** dsjkfgh coran

**Romellegant:** Back on topic, i personally think that Lance will break first

**Queen:** I do not mean to betray Lance, my "be-eff-eff" as you humans say,

**HunkyMonkey:** oh my g o d

**Queen:** But I agree with Hunk and Romelle. Lance will crack first. He cares to deeply.

**Gorgeous Man:** LANCE, MY DEAREST SON, SHALL CRACK FIRST. I AM SORRY TO ADMIT IT BUT IT IS TRUE.

**Pidgeon:** alright, so it goes as follows: Allura Romelle, hunk, and Coran all believe Lance will crack first; shiro, matt, and Veronica think it will be Keith.

**HunkyMonkey:** why didn't you capitalize /my/ name?

**Pidgeon:** i capitalize those who have earned it.

**Mattematics:** hfshdkj

**takashi:** I have not earned it?

**Pidgeon:** you're stupid enough to like matt.

**takashi:** Understandable have a nice day.

**Mattematics:** takashiiiiiii

**takashi:** Mattttttttt.

**HunkyMonkey:** Pidge who do you vote for?

**Pidgeon:** no one.

**Pidgeon:** i am the neutral party

**Romellegant:** that is wise.

**Queen:** Pidge I would like you to know how much I respect you.

**Gorgeous Man:** ME AS WELL. A TRUE SCIENTIST.

**Pidgeon:** i try.

**Vewwonica:** what does the winning party get?

**Pingeon:** hmm. we betting cash or y'all thinking of something else?

**takashi:** Cash.

**Mattematics:** cash.

**HunkyMonkey:** cash

**Vewwonica:** cash.

**Pidgeon:** alright then. cash and bragging rights it is.

**Pidgeon:** everyone puts in forty bucks?

**HunkyMonkey:** sounds reasonable

**takashi:** Alright.

**takashi:** I suppose I'll be putting in the money for Matt, seeing as he spent all his money on Cheetos two days ago.

**Pidgeon:** Matt!

**Mattematics:** you're not my real dad!

**Pidgeon:** sigh.

**takashi:** Now you know how I feel. I have like ten kids at this point.

**Pidgeon:** damn Shiro.

**Pidgeon:** respect.

**takashi:** You capitalized my name. :)

**HunkyMonkey:** did

**HunkyMonkey:** did shiro just use an emoji?

**takashi:** Yes?

**hunkyMonkey:** okay what the hell?

**takashi:** ?

**Mattematics:** takashi you know i love you so don't take this the wrong way

**Mattematics;** but you're like. super old.

**takashi:** How many times do I have to say it? I'm twenty-five!

**Mattematics:** you have white hair, you use proper capitalization in texts, you fold your laundry, and you have like ten kids

**Mattematics:** just admit it, you're old

**takashi:** I'm not!

**Mattematics:** honey you kinda /are/

**takashi:** I am not.

 

_1:48pm_

**tired > bae**

**tired:** I'm not old, am I?

**bae:** takashi you are just a little old

**bae:** it's alright tho i think it's hot

**tired:** matthew holt!

**tired:** <3

 

_1:51 pm_

**Operation Klance**

**Pidgeon:** i propose we send someone to spy on them

**HunkyMokey:** not it

**Vewwonica:** not it

**Pidgeon:** not it

**Mattematics:** not it

**Romellegant:** not it

**Princess:** Not it.

**Gorgeous Man:** NOT IT

**takashi:** Dangit.

**takashi:** Do I have to?

**Mattematics:** i'll go with you if you want

**takashi:** Please.

**Mattematics:** alright i'll meet you in your room in five lemme put on some pants

**Pidgeon:** take pictures! we need receipts!

**takashi:** Yeah yeah.

**Mattematics:** alright let's do this thing

 

\----

 

"I don't get that one." Keith said, reaching over to pause the video. They'd been at it for hours, watching compilation after compilation, and by now Keith was pretty well-versed.

"Keith that's the eighth time you've said that, I still don't know what to tell you."

"Why is it funny?"

"It just...is?"

"No, it just isn't." Keith sighed, snuggling down into the sheets in frustration. THe two had ended up so close they were practically cuddling. Lance watched a strand of hair drift into Keith's face and resisted the urge to brush it away.

"It _is_ , though. What's not funny about the guy singing to his cat? It's iconic."

"I guess." He yawned. "my favorite is thill the one about Jared. I want to marry Jared."

"You.... what?" Lance laughed, raising an eyebrow at him.

"What can I say, Lance." Keith looked up at him, staring him dead in the eye, a blank expression on his face as he continued: "I'm morosexual. Exclusively attracted to dumbasses."

Lance stared for a moment, mouth agape, eyes wide. Was he serious? For a second, Lance considered dumbing himself down forever so maybe he'd have a chance with Keith...

But then Keith cracked a smile and Lance realized he was joking.

"Keith! You... What the hell? You freaked me out!"

"God Lance you're such an idiot." He muttered, reaching over to play the video again.

They watched a moment in silence again, Keith pressed into Lance's side comfortably. He didn't usually feel this comfortable with touching other people, but with Lance it felt...nice? Safe. Good. He sighed and inhaled Lane's shampoo-smell, subconsciously snuggling in closer. He missed it when Lance took in a sharp breath, tensing the slightest bit.

_Click. Click. Click._

"What was that?" Keith mumbled sleepily.

"Dunno." Lance paused the video, looking around the room. He didn't see anything out of the ordinary... Wait. Was that... a phone? Sticking in the doorway?

"Keith," He whispered. The other boy perked up a little at his conspiratory tone, eyes narrowing in suspicion, 'Look at the door."

He did, and a dark expression crossed his face. "Pidge?" He muttered to Lance, who nodded his head, "Probably."

"Okay. Shh." Keith climbed silently out of the bed, untangling himself from Lance with a red face, and stalked toward the door. Taking a deep breath, he put his hand on the handle and yanked, putting arm out low to smack Pidge in the stomach....

.....And punched Shiro square in the dick. Hard.

" _Fuck._ " Shiro wheezed, falling over.

"Shiro?" Keith asked, Lance coming up behind him to peer curiously over his shoulder. Matt was laughing, hands wrapped around his stomach.

"Keith! I can't believe you punched him in the dick! What the hell?" He cried, watching his boyfriend writhe on the floor in pain.

"I thought he was Pidge!"

"That's fair." Matt conceded, helping Takashi to stand up.

"What are you even doing here?" Lance asked, cocking his head to the side.

"Uh."

"Um."

"We are here to. See if you guys are coming to training today?" Matt tried, glancing at his floundering boyfriend. Espionage never had been Shiro's strong suit.

"Sure you are." Keith said, eying them warily. "Just get the fuck out of here or I'll do it again."

"Well. It seems we were interrupting something, hm?" Matt said slyly, wiggling his eyebrows.

"You. N-no!" Lance sputtered indignantly, sending a glare his way.

"Ahem." Shiro said, gaining the attention of the other three. "First of all, I'd just like to inform yo uKeith that you will pay for that." Keith only grunted in response. "Second of all, allow me...." Matt tilted his head, still listening. There was a pause before Shiro began,"Keith and Lance, sitting in a tree..."

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Matt joined, smirking at the other two.

"Ugh!" Keith cried, face red and he slammed the door. He could the pair laughing on the other side as they went down the hall.

He took a breath before turning to Lance, who was adamantly avoiding his gaze. His face and neck were flushed crimson in embarrassment, and he glanced up at Keith through his lashes before quickly looking away again after seeing Keith was looking at him. It was... cute.

_Shut up_ , he told himself.

"So."

"So"Lance echoed. "I should, uh, actually get going. I told Nadia I'd help her learn some Spanish to woo Veronica with."

"Oh." Keith replied, feeling a little disappointed. "Alright."

Lance began to show himself out, opening the door and taking a step into the hallway, before pausing and turing back around, as if he'd made up his mind about something. He faced Keith again, squaring his shoulders, preparing for a battle. Keith raised an eyebrow.

"Keith. Um." Lance took a deep breath, "I had a lot of fun today. I'm honored to have been the one to educate you on the way of vines." He did a fake curtsy and giggled nervously before standing and looking at Keith seriously. "Really. It was nice."

Before Keith even realized what was happening, Lance was leaning towards him, breath fanning across Keith's face and eyes fluttering closed gently as he pressed his lips to Keith's cheek. And then he just. Kissed Keith on the cheek before hightailing it the hell outta there, leaving Keith standing dumbly in his doorway, a hand on his cheek and eyes wide.

" _Fuck._ " He breathed. "I'm screwed."

 

\---

 

_2:36 pm_

**Operation Klance**

_takashi sent twenty-two (22) photos!_

**Mattematics:** hgkfjdslka;

**HunkyMonkey:** tEA

**takashi:** I got punched in the dick for these receipts. I hope you're happy.

**Mattematics:** i sure am

**Pidgeon:** you got.... what?

**takashi:** Keith is a fucking demon.

**Mattematics:** keith is my new favorite

**Romellegant:** I am enjoying this turn of events

**Princess:** Why?

**Romellegant:** I thrive off the pain of others.

**Pidgeon:** oh mood

**Vewwonica:** respect.

**Pidgeon:** you know what?

**Romellegant:** what.

 

_2:42 pm_

_Pidgeon added **Romellegant, Princess, Vewwonica, Rizavi,** and **Leifi Boi** to the chat!_

_Pidgeon named the chat **Badass Not-Boys**_

**Vewwonica:** oh fuck yeah

**Romellegant:** I approve

**Princess:** I love this development.

**Rizavi:** hellllll yeahhhhh

_Pidgeon changed Princess's name to **Queen**_

_Pidgeon changed Romellegant's name to **Blondi**_

_Pidgeon changed Rizavi's name to **Mob Boss**_

_Pidgeon changed Vewwonca's name to **Lesbian**_

_Pidgeon changed Leifi Boi's name to **Smarti**_

_Pidgeon changed their name to **Shorti**_

**Shorti:** squad

**Mob Boss:** squad

**Lesbian:** squad

**Smarti:** squad

**Blondi:** squad

**Queen:** "Squad."

**Shorti:** jbhfdgskla; alLura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. thoughts?  
> would you like me to spice "real writing" (not chat format) into the story for now on or keep it strictly chat format. I know this one was terrible, but I'm trying my best. ya babe is but a heathen tho  
> also i am damn serious about hitting me up on tumblr! i'd love to chat!  
> the next chapter will arrive either in a few hours or a few days. not sure yet.  
> have a fantastic day babes!


	13. fre sha vac a do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mama: Don't tell your siblings, but you have always been my favorite, Lance.  
> Marco: Mama! We're right here!  
> Mama: Oh. Oops.  
> Veronica: i have a feeling that wasn't an accident.  
> Mama: As Lance always says, "you know I had to do it to them."  
> Luis: hgjksfld;
> 
>  
> 
> mama mcclain makes an appearance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this one's kinda short? oh well.  
> enjoy

_2:18pm_

**em ef ees**

**vee:** y'all down for some tacos tonight

 **are:** hell yeah

 **are:** voltron too?

 **vee:** nah. i miss just us five, y'know?

 **vee:** not that i don't love the others

 **jay:** sure

 **jay:** i /guess/ i have time to hang out with you losers

 **kay:** i'm down

 **el:** I will be there.

 **vee:** six?

 **are:** ya

 **jay:** meet at the front of the garrison

 **vee:** wait by which doors

 **jay:** the north ones

 **kay:** got it

 **are:** which way is north

 **vee:** towards that big rock

 **are:** we're in the desert veronica they're all big rocks

 **vee:** the big rock that looks like a dick

 **are:** which big rock that looks like a dick?

 **vee;** the one in the north!!

 **kay:** all the rocks here look like dicks

 **jay:** why do i hang out with you people

 **el:** Kinkade, I disagree. Some of the rocks here are shaped like breasts as well, not only like male genetalia.

 **vee:** oh u rite u rite

 **jay:** just shut the fuck up, all of you

 

\----

 

"Hey," Veronica grumbled, sidling up to the others, "Sorry I'm late, Lance and I got distracted.

"Distracted with what?" Nadia asked as the five started towards Kinkade's car. He was the only one who could even afford one, seeing as his parents were fairly well-off.

"We were debating whether or not vampires can get AIDS." McClain replied with a yawn as she opened the passenger side door.

"I already called shotgun." James informed her, squirming past her and into the seat before she could object.

"You little demon." She cursed, but got in the back anyway.

"Well?" Ina casually asked, already buckled in, "What was the verdict?"

"We decided that yes, vampires can get AIDS. Like, if they drank someone's blood and that person had AIDS, then the vampire would get AIDS. But it couldn't kill them, obviously."

"Why not?" Kinkade questioned as he started the car. He headed east towards their usual taco joint, La Luna Azul, where they used to sneak out to in their days as cadets. They once ran into Shiro there while skipping class. ("Shouldn't you be in class?" "Shouldn't you be _teaching_ a class?")

"Because vampires can only be killed by a wooden stake to the heart, dumbass."

"Says who?" Nadia challenged, smirking at Veronica. "You really gonna buy into that commercial bullshit? I thought you were better than that, V."

"Actually, the misconceptions about the wooden stake comes from the stories about Vlad the third, the basis for Dracula. He impaled all his victims on wooden stakes--" Ina began, but was cut off by Kinkade.

"But that's a myth. It can't be the _only_ way to kill a vampire."

"You know what's a myth? Vampires themselves. There's no evidence." James interjected, but was ignored by all four. He usually was, in these conversations.

"Sure it can. Vampires are immortal." Veronica argued, leaning towards the front seat. Outside the window, miles of dry desert blurred past. It was a bit of a ways out to get to town, but the tacos were worth it.

"Vampires are people too." Rivazi argued, leaning into her shoulder. Veronica flushed, glancing down at Nadia's head on her shoulder. In the rearview mirror, Kinkade raised a knowing eyebrow at her. She stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed. Kinkade was probably one of her best friends, save for Nadia. She'd met him on her first day at the Garrison, six months after Lance had gone missing. Veronica had been such a hot mess then, and was grateful when Kinkade had helped her unquestioningly. He was quiet, blunt, and curious by nature, which tended to put people off, but he'd been there for her when everyone else thought she was crazy. She could recall many nights when she's shown up at his dorm with tears in her eyes after nightmares. He'd always silently held up the covers to let her in, holding her while she cried.

"Hey let's talk about something else." James tried, "Something real maybe."

"Bitch-" Veronica began, and the others laughed.

 

\----

 

_7:38 pm_

**Kashi > Memethew**

**Kashi:** you want to go out tonight?

 **Memethew:** gasp!

 **Memethew:** Shiro are you asking me on a date?!

 **Kashi:** Matt.

 **Memthew:** I'm flattered

 **Memethew:** but i'm sorry, i have a boyfriend

 **Kashi:** I'm your boyfriend, dumbass

 **Memethew:** oh yeah

 **Memethew:** in that case, sure

 **Kashi:** You're the worst.

 **Memethew:** love you too babe

 **Memethew:** wait

 **Kashi:** uhh

 **Memethew:** shit

 **Memethew:** don't freak out

 **Memethew:** let's just pretend i didn't say that

 **Kashi:** it it true?

**Memethew:**

**Memethew:** well i mean yeah

 **Memethew:** but i know it's really soon

 **Memethew:** you don't have to say it back

 **Kashi:** shut up

 **Kashi:** i love you too, dorkus

 **Memethew:** oh.

 **Memtethew:** may i ask why?

 **Kashi:** seriously?

 **Memethew:** i mean, i know i'm irresistible but like, what specifically drew you in?

 **Kashi:** i'm not doing this right now

 **Memethew:** takashiiiii

 **Memethew:** gimme complimentssss

 **Memthew:** please?

**Kashi:**

**Kashi:** fine.

 **Memethew:** :)

 **Kashi:** You're brave. Like to the point where it's annoying because you don't think before you do things.

 **Memethew:** that was a little salty but i'll take it

 **Kashi:** you're funny. mostly because you're so stupid

 **Memethew:** :(

 **Kashi:** and you care so much about people

 **Kashi:** and you're a good brother to pidge

 **Kashi:** and sometimes you're an idiot but you always have good intentions

 **Kashi:** also you're small so i kind of have to protect you

 **Memethew:** hey wait what

 **Memethew:** i'm gonna get a growth spurt eventually!

 **Kashi:** sure you are.

 **Memethew:** :(

 **Kashi:** love you, dork.

 **Memethew:** love you too, takashi shirogane.

 

_8:02 pm_

**Hunc > Lanc**

**Hunc:** hey are you okay? you looked a little off at dinner today

 **Lanc:** i'm just tired

 **Hunc:** Lance.

 **Hunc:** if something's bothering you, you can tell me.

 **Lanc:** i know.

 **Hunc:** so?

**Lanc:**

**Lanc:** do you think i'm annoying?

 **Lanc:** be honest with me

 **Hunc:** of course not! who said you were? i'll kill them

 **Lanc:** no one

 **Lanc:** it's just,,, i know i can be a lot sometimes and it's hard for me to shut up and it can be annoying, right?

 **Lanc:** i'm sorry

 **Hunc:** don't be sorry for being yourself, lance. ever.

 **Hunc:** yeah, you have a big personality, but that's what people love about you. you're so warm and inviting and you care deeply about everyone around you

 **Lanc:** i guess

 **Lanc:** whatever. it's stupid i'm gonna go to bed.

 **Hunc:** lance we all love you. don't forget that

_8:54 pm_

**Hunc:** lance?

 

_9:07 pm_

**Hunk! > Keith!**

**Hunk!:** hey lance is kinda upset and he won't listen to me

 **Hunk!:** he's also maybe asleep tho

 **Keith!:** did something happen? did someone hurt him do i need to kick someone's ass?

 **Hunk!:** no no no

 **Hunk!:** i think he's just feeling a little down

 **Hunk!:** you sholud try talking to him?

 **Keith!:** he'd listen to me?

 **Hunk!:** yeah

 **Keith!:** why?

 **Hunk!:** he just will.

 **Hunk!:** just try?

 **Keith!:** of course

 **Hunk!:** awesome

 

_9:25 pm_

**Emo > Lantern**

**Emo:** hey

 **Emo:** lance

 **Emo:** um i dunno how to do this

 **Emo:** but hunk said you're upset

 **Emo:** and i don't want you to be upset

 **Emo:** like, ever

 **Emo:** because you deserve to be happy

 **Emo:** and i like it when you smile

 **Emo:** so cheer up?

 **Emo:** if there's anything i can do to help you, you'd tell me, right?

 **Emo:** i'm here for you

 **Emo:** and so is the rest of the team, of course

 **Emo:** just please let us help

 **Emo:** okay goodnight lance

**Emo:**

**Emo:** <3

 

\----

 

 _"You fucking bitch!_ " Veronica cried, launching herself across the table at James. "Gimme back my burrito!"

"Hmm. No thanks." He replied dryly, leaning out of the way. He went to take a bite of the stolen burrito, but it was knocked out of his hand as Veronica tried to grab it. Both watched in horror as it fell lifelessly to the floor.

"Fuck. I con't believe you've done this." Rizavi muttered to herself as she watched.

"Ryyyyan, look what she did!" James whined, turning to his boyfriend and burying his head in the other boy's shoulder.

"It was her burrito, James."

"But I wanted it! And now it's on the floor!"

"You're such a fucking baby." Veronica grumbled, settling back into her seat. "Now I don't have any food. At least you ate yuor meal and didn't have it stolen right out from under your nose."

" _Stolen?_ " Griffin scoffed, "I won that bet fair and square, McClain."

"You cheated!" She cried, then rounded on Rizavi, "Right, Nadia?"

Nadia paled, torn. On the one hand, James had in fact won without cheating. She'd seen it all with her own eyes. But on the other hand, Veronica was looking at her with those big blue eyes and her lip was stuck out a little and Nadia knew two things: one, that if she disagreed with her best friend and sided with _James_ of all people, she'd never hear the end of it; and two, that there was absolutely no way in hell that she could possibly say no to that face. She never had been all that good at denying Veronica anything. That's just how it was.

"Well, um." She tried, looking away from Veronica and back at James, then to veronica again. She didn't want to upset either of them, and she didn't want to support their bullshit, but both of her friends were looking expectantly at her.

"James did not cheat, Veronica. You knew the stakes going in. This is no one's fault but your own." Leifsdottir interrupted calmly, not even bothering to glance up from her tacos. Veronica sighed, knowing it was no use objecting. Ina's word was law.

"Whatever." She muttered glancing down and away moodily, arms crossed over her chest.

Silently, Nadia pushed her plate closer to the other girl, offering some of her rice and beans. Veronica looked curiously at her, but she didn't say anything, just took a sip of her soda.

Kinkade watched them both turn a little red and rolled his eyes. Oblivious little shits.

 

\----

_1:37 am_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Pidgeon:** guess what bitches

 **Pidgeon:** i broke into iverson's office and spray painted his walls pink

 **gay:** one question

 **gay:** why

 **Pidgoen:** cause i can

 **gay:** valid.

 **Pidgeon:** i had a bunch of spray paint left over from that bot i made

 **gay:** oh is GayBot finished?

 **Pidgeon:** for the last time keith i'm not naming it gaybot

 **gay:** why nooootttttt

 **pidgeon:** it's for the fucking military keith i'm not naming it gaybot

 **gay:** ugh you suck

 **gay:** why'd you paint it pink?

 **Pidgeon:** because pink is the most badass of all colors, dumbass

 **gay:** alright.

 **gay:** i'm still gonna call it gaybot tho

 **Pidgeon:** you petty bitch

 **gay:** yeah that's me

 **Pidgeon:** is everyone else asleep?

 **gay:** i think so

 **Pidgeon:** wanna play videogames all night with me?

 **Pidgeon:** i'm almost finished with Killbot Phantasm

 **gay:** you mean gaybot phantasm

 **Pidgeon:** ugh

 **Pidgeon:** offer redacted

 **gay:** wait no

 **gay;** i wanna play

 **Pidgeon:** my room in five?

 **gay:** hell yeah

 

\-----

_11:53 am_

**McClains** **™**

**Mama:** Leandro Alejandro Anton McClain

 **Lance:** y,,,,yes?

 **Veronica:** oh shit what's you do this time

 **Mama:** Language, Veronica.

 **Luis:** what'd lance do

 **Mama:** What's this Katie told me about a boy? Keith?

 **Lance;** what the hell you've been talking to pidge about me?

 **Mama:** Of course. How else will I know all the embarrassing things you do, hijo?

 **Lance:** hdgfjkslads /mom/

 **Mama:** What's he like?

 **Veronica:** whoa whoa whoa lance what /about/ keith?

 **Lance:** nothing!

 **Veronica:** /lance/

 **Lance:** oh whatever

 **Lance:** what about you and nadia, hmm?

 **Lance;** let's talk about that

 **Veronica;** let's,,,not

 **Luis:** owo what's this?

 **Marco:** Luis don't say that you furry

 **Luis:** shut /up/

 **Lance:** did you just call him a furry

 **Marco:** A lot happened while you were gone.

 **Lance:** exCUSe ME?

 **Lance:** luis,,,, are you a furry,,,, i cont believe you've done this

 **Marco:** He also dyed part of his hair red. And had emo bangs.

 **Luis:** it was a phase marco get over it

 **Veronica:** never forget

 **Luis:** ughhhh

 **Mama:** Lance tell me more about Keith.

 **Lance:** no thanks

 **Lance:** i just exposed v's crush on her best friend and no one cares?

 **Mama:** Oh please.

 **Mama:** As if anyone ever thought otherwise.

 **Luis:** yeah, we been knew.

 **Veronica:** am i really that obvious?

 **Marco:** Yes.

 **Luis:** yes

 **Lance;** yes

 **Mama:** Yes.

 **Veronica:** dammit

 **Mama:** Anyway, Lance tell me about Keith.

 **Lance;** well

 **Lance;** uh

 **Lance:** he's pretty. like, really pretty. he's got dark hair and it's kind of a mullet but it looks soft

 **Mama:** Uh huh

 **Lance:** and his eyes are purple? which sounds weird but they're really nice. sometimes, when he goes all galra on us, the white parts turn yellow but it's cool. and he gets fangs

 **Luis:** wait he's part galra? that's so cool

 **Lance:** it really is

 **Lance:** he struggled with it a lot because like. you know. the empire is kinda evil. and i didn't like seeing him like that but after he joined the blade it was like he accepted it and embraced it, you know?

 **Mama:** What's he like? His personality?

 **Lance:** he's really.... broody, sometimes. but liek i get it, he's had a rough life

 **Veronica:** he's emo

 **Marco:** Like Luis-emo, or real emo?

 **Luis;** hey!

 **Veronica:** real emo

 **Lance:** but he's actually really funny and clever and he makes me feel safe and comfy

 **Mama:** He sounds wonderful.

 **Mama:** I demand that you invite him over for tamale night.

 **Mama:** And the rest of your friends. They're all too thin.

 **Mama:** And I need to debrief with Hunk.

 **Luis:** what do you mean, debrief?

 **Mama:** Hunk does us all a favor by taking care of Lance

 **Marco:** True.

 **Lance:** hey! i'm right here

 **Mama:** Sorry, mijo. It's just that you aren't always so open about what problems you have, and it is reassuring to me that you have Hunk with you to lean on.

 **Lance:** oh.

 **Lance:** acceptable

 **Veronica:** we love you kiddo

 **Luis:** rt

 **Mama:** Don't tell your siblings, but you have always been my favorite, Lance.

 **Marco:** Mama! We're right here!

 **Mama:** Oh. Oops.

 **Veronica:** i have a feeling that wasn't an accident.

 **Mama:** As Lance always says, "you know I had to do it to them."

 **Luis:** hgjksfld;

 **Lance:** fjhgkdls;

 **Veronica:** jkgfdl;

 **Marco:** Must you all do that?

 **Veronica:** yeah, we must

 **Lance:** you wouldn't understand, cause you're straight.

 **Luis:** true that

 **Marco:** What?

 **Veronica:** oh come on, marco. everyone knows you're the token straight sibling

 **Mama:** It's true, you are.

 **Marco:** I'm leaving. Bye.

 **Lance:** coward

 **Mama:** Lance, when will you be bringing your friends around?

 **Lance:** preferably never

 **Mama:** Please.

 **Lance:** .....fine.

 **Lance:** but only is v brings the mfes too

 **Veronica:** lance that would be chaos

 **Veronica:** which is exactly why i will do it

 **Lance:** ;)

 **Veronica:** ;)

 **Mama:** I think I may have made a mistake.

 **Luis:** too late now

 **Lance:** okay shiro is glaring at me i gotta go

 **Lance:** love you mama, love you v, love you marco

 **Luis:** wait what about me?

 **Lance:** you're alright.

 **Luis:** i feel attacked

 **Lance:** you should.

 **Mama:** Boys. Please at least pretend to get along.

 **Lance** : fine.

 **Luis:** fine.

 

_12:47 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**_Spoopy Hoe_ ** _changed their name to **Lancito**_

**Lancito:** well

 **Lancito:** you're all invited to the famous McClain tamale night

 **Pidgeon:** fuuuuucccckkk yeah

 **HunkyMonkey:** awesome!

 **HunkyMonkey:** I need to catch up with Rosa. It's been so long

 **Veronica:** y'all are really gonna love it. mama's tamales are to die for.

 **Gorgeous Man:** TO DIE FOR, YOU SAY? WHO WILL BE DYING? I WAS UNAWARE THAT A SACRIFICE WAS REQUIRED.

 **gay:** coran no

 

_12:52 pm_

**Emo > Lantern**

**Emo:** you good?

 **Lantern:** yeah. i'm good

 **Lantern:** thanks keith

 **Emo:** anytime, lance. anytime.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tamale night will be the one after the next one and it's gonna be littttt  
> also this story passed 250 kudos? i'm? you got me cryin in the club  
> comments are always welcome and appreciated! or talk to me on tumblr, my username is angryjane  
> uwu uwu kiddos g'night/ g'day


	14. storytime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HunkyMonkey: i've lost all faith in humanity why did we even come back  
> Lancito: rt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry in advance for rehashing this old meme of a scene but i needed filler and it occurred to me that the others wouldn't really,,, know about it. so. next chapter is tamale night!!!!

_3:06 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Pidgeon:** well guess who bitch-slapped iverson

**gay:** pidge you didn't

**HunkyMonkey;** no they didn't

**Shirowo:** Oh thank god

**HunkyMonkey:** lance did

**Shirowo:** For fuck's sake

**Vewwonica:** did,,,, did shiro just say fuck

**Shirowo:** Yes. What of it?

**James:** that was oddly passive aggressive

**James:** sir

**Mattematics:** hey anyway let's talk about something else

**Kink-aid:** wait i wanna discuss the fact that our father just said the fuck word in front of us

**gay:** the fuck word

**Pidgeon:** we don't /say/ the fuck word

**Mattematics:** leave him alone guys

**Leifi Boi:** This is interesting but why did Lance bitchslap our commanding officer?

**Pidgeon:** /your/ commanding officer

**gay:** in this house we do not respect mitchel iverson

**gay:** i hate him

**HunkyMonkey:** rt

**Pidgeon:** amen

**Rizavi:** why do y'all hate him so much?

**Pidgeon:** uh, have you /met/ iverson? guy's an asshole

**gay:** a homophobic prick

**Shirowo:** He is worse than Zarkon himself.

**Kink-aid:** damn shiro

**Shirowo:** However, that doesn't mean we should go around slapping him.

**Shirowo:** We should use weapons instead.

**HunkyMonkey:** ghfjldks

**Pidgeon:** what happened to shiro i'm scared

**Pidgeon:** where did our real dad go

**Vewwonica:** okay but why do you guys hate him again? he's fine

**Pidgeon:** fuck no he isn't!

**gay:** he has always hated me

**Pidgeon:** he made matt cry

**HunkyMonkey:** he used to say horrible things to lance bc of his heritage

**HunkyMonkey:** and make fun of him while he was still learning how america's fucked up society works

**Vewwonica:** wait what?

**Vewwonica:** lance why didn't you tell me?

**Lancito:** it wasn't a big deal

**Vewwonica:** lance that /is/ a big deal

 

_3:25 pm_

**Big Sister > Lancey**

**Big Sister:** we're gonna talk about this later

**Lancey:** uuuggghhh fine

 

_3:26 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Shirowo:** Iverson was (is?) a jerk.

**Shirowo:** From what I've seen lately, he's repentant, but he hasn't apologized to anyone.

**Mattematics:** he hurt takashiiii i hate him

**Rizavi:** he what?

**Shirowo:** It doesn't matter, we are not talking about that today.

**Kink-aid:** sir?

**Kink-aid:** you know we are here for you?

**Shirowo:** Please do not call me sir, Kinkade. Or any of you. We are friends, not colleagues.

**Shirowo:** Except you, James. You must call me sir.

**Lancito:** hgjfkdls

**Kink-aid:** haha

**James:** what did i do?

**Shirowo:** Excuse me?

**James:** sigh

**James:** what did i do, sir?

**Shirowo:** That's better.

**Shirowo:** And you know what you did.

**James:** w,,,what

**Vewwonica:** serves you right, bitch

**James:** ???

**Leifi Boi:** Yes, we all know James is a prick but why did Lance slap Iverson?

**Lancito:** he was being a bitch

**HunkyMonkey:** he really was

**Romellegant:** i can't believe he did that

**Romellegant:** this is who you choose to lead your planet? disgraceful

**Vewwonica:** what could he possibly have done

**Pidgeon:** he committed the most heinous of crimes

**gay:** he shoud have gotten a lot more than a slap, really

**Rizavi:** enough with the theatrics

**Rizavi:** what did he /do/

**Lancito:** he called tomatoes a fruit

**Vewwonica;** he what

**Vewwonica:** he WHAT

**gay:** he is satan incarnate

**Romellegant:** he must pay

**HunkyMonkey:** i've lost all faith in humanity why did we even come back

**Lancito:** rt

**Pidgeon:** i thought he was supposed to be smart?

**gay:** why would you ever think that?

**Mattematics:** hdjfgkfsl

**Shirowo:** Hmm. While Iverson is wrong, you shouldn't have slapped him.

**Lancito:** yeah i really should have

**Kink-aid:** I'm with lance

**Lancito:** bisexual solidarity bro

**Kink-aid:** bro

**HunkyMonkey:** bro

**Lancito:** no hunk get out you're not bi

**Kink-aid:** yeah you hetero

**Pidgeon:** we don't say the h-word

**Vewwonica:** fgijkdlsa;

**Queen:** Tomatoes... are a fruit though? They have seeds, do they not?

**gay:** oh you poor soul

**Shirowo:** Lance is rubbing off on Keith. He's never been his openly dramatic before.

**HunkyMonkey:** "openly"?

**Shirowo:** You should have seen him before, guys.

**Mattematics:** oh i miss little kieth. he was so angsty and full of rage. now he's all,,, mature and it's gross

**gay:** thanks i guess?

**Queen:** Somebody explain about the tomatoes.

**Lancito:** they're an honorary veggie

**Romellegant:** they are most certainly not a fruit. i would know. i have had them six times since we arrived on this planet.

**Queen:** I will take your word for it, Romelle.

**Romellegant:** <3

**Queen:** " <3"

**Pidgeon:** eyes emoji

**HunkyMonkey:** eyes emoji

**Vewwonica:** owo what's this

**James:** for the love of fuck, please i'm begging you will you stop that

**Vewwonica:** owo what's this?

**James:** fuck you

**Vewwonica:** sorry but i don't like boys

**Kink-aid:** ghjfkdsl

**Rizavi:** veronica marry me

**Vewwonica:**

**Vewwonica:** um

**Lancito:** hm.

**Lancito:** inch resting

**Vewwonica;** oh shut up

**Rizavi:** what just happened

**Vewwonica:** doesn't matter

**Rizavi:** ????

**Mattematics:** oh honey

**Mattematics:** this is painful to watch

**Pidgeon:** you're not really one to talk, /matthew/

**Mattematics:** understandable have a nice day

**James:** so did iverson go off on you for slapping him?

**Lancito:** he tried

**Kink-aid:** "tired?"

**HunkyMonkey:** he started talking and lance slapped him again

**Mattematics:** oh my godfsdhsglkjs; lance i'm so proud

**Lancito:** learned from the best bb

**Mattematics:** <3

**Lancito:** <3

**Shirowo:** I'm disappointed in both of you.

**Pidgeon:** it was so fucking funny tho, you should have seen his face. he looked like he was gonna rip lance a new one, until he remembered that lance has higher clearance than him now and is basically his commanding officer at this point, being like. you know. a universe saver and all that bullshit and iverson just. turned on his heel and stomped off like and angry five year old it was golden

**James:** i'm still confused about,,,, all of this

**Gorgeous Man:** WHAT CONFUSES ME MOST IS THE EYEPATCH. WHERE DID IT COME FROM?

**gay:** we're not going there

**Shirowo:** Wait Keith, you know? Iverson won't tell me.

**Rizavi:** he won't tell any of us either

**Vewwonica:** lance knows but he won't tell me. he says he's been sworn to secrecy

**Leifi Boi:** By who?

**Mattematics:** *by whomst

**Vewwonica:** by keith

**HunkyMonkey:** laaaaance tell us

**Pidgeon:** or keithhh tell us

**gay:** no thanks

**Pidgeon:** we went cryptid hunting together. i thought we had a bonding moment

**HunkyMonkey:** wE hAd a BoNdiNg MoMeNt

**Pidgoen:** i CrAdLeD yOu In My ArMs

**gay:** this is exactly why i won't tell you

**Leifi Boi:** Why do you two do that? What does "bonding moment" mean?

**HunkyMonkey:** ask keith

**Pidgeon:** or lance

**Pidgeon:** oh wait lance wouldn't remember

**Pidgeon:** now would he?

**Shirowo:** You two are devious.

**HunkyMonkey:** lance and i have been bros for like a million years i am legally required to make fun of him every chance i get

**Vewwonica:** wait i wanna make fun of him too

**Mattematics:** yeah i don't think i've ever actually heard this story

**gay:** don't you dare tell it

**HunkyMonkey:** i'm gonna tell it

**Lancito:** hunk no

**Pidgeon:** wait i wanna

**HunkyMonkey:** alrighttttt

**Pidgeon:** :)  
**Pidgeon:** so we open on Arus, the planet we found the castle ship on

**Lancito:** wait please don't

**gay:** please

**Pidgoen:** so anYWAY we open on Arus,,,

**gay:** please pidge no

**Pidgeon:** suddenly i can't read

**Lancito:** pwease mr. pwesident,,,, i'll do anything

**Pidgoen:**.... anything?

**Vewwonica:** o h   m y   g o d

**Lancito:** anything

**Pidgeon:** then perish.

**Vewwonica;** gkjfsdlg;

**Lancito:** alright i low-key hate you rn for telling this story but pidge i love you so much  <3 <3 <3

**Pidgoen:** </3

**Lancito:** you don't love me pidgey? not even a little?

**Pidgoen:** no.

**Lancito:** :'(

**James:** hahahaha bitch

**Vewwonica:** fuck off james

**Pidgeon:** yeah fuck off james

**gay:** fuck off asshole

**Mattematics:** get out of here bitch

**James:** i feel attacked

**Shirowo:** Good.

**Lancito:** hsgldjkfa

**Lancito:** thanks guys

**Pidgeon:** anyway, the story

**gay:** please pidge no

**Pidgeon:** so we're on Arus, right?

**Pidgeon:** we've just been thrown into space in a huge semi-sentient robot lion, to find a castle with a beautiful alien princess, a wacky old (?) man, and some space mice, then find /more/ semi-sentient robo lions, and be told we have to fight an evil army of purple furries.

**Vewwonica:** hm.

**Pidgeon:** and so we're all fairly shook, right? we've just fought our first battle and barely made it out alive, plus we like. don't know how to form voltron.

**HunkyMonkey:** and just to make things worse, sendak decides that was the best time to attack us

**Pidgeon:** he put like, a bomb in our castle, right on the crystal

**Gorgeous Man:** HERE COMES THE PART

**James:** ???

**Pidgoen:** and coran and lance are in the bridge at the time

**Romellegant:** suddenly i feel uneasy

**Pidgeon:** and the bomb goes off in there

**Vewwonica:** oh shit

**Vewwonica:** oh shit oh shit oh shitnjkgfdl

**Lancito:** v, you good?

**Vewwonica:** no i'm not good, my baby brother got blown up on the first day on the job, what the fuck?

**Lancito:** i'm alright now.

**Vewwonica:** but! what if you /weren't/?

**Lancito:** it just. be that way. we gotta deal with it

**Pidgeon:** anyway, before veronica has a breakdown, i'll move on so she can see he was alright

**HunkyMOnkey:** good idea

**gay:** or you could. not tell this story.

**Pidgeon:** oh i'm telling it

**gay:** shit

**Pidgeon:** so we all run over to find that lance, that fucking idiot, that fucking /idiot/

**Pidgeon:** had. had thrown himself onto coran, a relative stranger who he had just met and who was telling him he had to fight in an intergalactic war, without thinking. just fucking. saved his life. that absolute idiot

**James:** wh

**Leifi Boi:** That is brave of you, Lance.

**Lancito:** not really? it was reflex

**Kink-aid:** your reflex is to just casually save people's lives?

**Gorgeous Man:** LANCE I CANNOT EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE TO YOU, MY BOY.

**Lancito:** coran we've been over this, you don't have to thank me

**Gorgeous Man:** YES IT REALLY DO. THANK YOU LANCE.

**Vewwonica:** my little brother's a hero uwu

**Pidgeon:** yeah we been knew veronica

**gay:** it /was/ pretty brave

**Lancito:** .. you think so?

**gay:** yeah, i do.

**Lancito:**

_3:39 pm_

**crunchy > salty**

**crunchy:** hgufljdlksdgf he thinks i'm brave dhgjfdk;sjgdflks;dldlgj

**salty:** jesus fuck lance calm down

**crunchy:** but he thinks i'm bravejrdujthfgji;dkssfjkjslj

**salty:** hopeless, the both of you

 

_3:41 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Pidgeon:** so anyway,

**Pidgeon:** we fight sendak, blah blah blah, while lance is unconscious from being hit by a fucking /bOMB/

**Pidgeon:** and then sendak takes the bridge or whatever, i don't remember much of the fight except the ending and that he killed rover

**Kink-aid:** killed who?

**Pidgeon:** rover.

**HunkyMonkey:** i miss that little guy.

**Shirowo:** May he rest in piece.

**Lancito:** *pieceS

**Pidgeon:** lance don'y you DARE insult rover's memory

**Lancito:** sorry

**Rizavi:** sorry but whomst the fuck is rover

**Vewwonica:** "whomst the fuck" hfkgjdlf;s

**HunkyMonkey:** he was a little drone pidge programmed to work for us

**Pidgeon:** he was more than a drone

**Pidgeon:** rover was my /child/

**Pidgeon:** and now he's DEaD because of that bitch sendak

**Pidgeon:** but anyway no time to mourn i have people to embarrass

**gay:** noo

**Pidgeon:** so back in the bridge later on, shiro was fighting sendak with his laser robot hand, and sendak had him cornered, and he was gonna shoot our dad

**Kink-aid:** no not dad!

**Shirowo:** I'm?? Not your father.

**Matthew:** oh really cause you didn't seem to mind me calling you daddy last night

**Lancito:** kfgdjshlksfd

**Vewwonica:** sfhdgljkfsl

**Kink-aid:** hgjdklfks;

**_Shirowo_ ** _left the chat!_

_Mattematics added **takashi** to the chat!_

_Mattematics changed takashi's name to **Daddy**_

**Pidgeon:** i'm gonna pretend i didn't see that

**gay:** me too

**Pidgeon:** mOVING ON  
**Pidgeon:** so shiro was abouta get shooted

**gay:** *shot

**Pidgeon:** SHOOTED  
**Pidgeon:** and LAnce fucknig. fuckin. woke up out of his fucking coma that he got from fucking saving the fucking life of a fuckng stranger and fucking. fucking SHOT SENDAK'S ARM OFF. HE FUCKING WOKE UP FROM A FUCKING COMA TO FUCKING SHOOT FUCKING SENDAK'S FUCKING ARM THE FUCK OFF.

**Kink-aid:** that was a lot of fuckings for one message

**Pidgeon:** i use the fuck word to hide that i care about people

**gay:** oh mood

**gay:** not that i. actually. care about anything or anyone.

**Lancito:** okay, /edgelord/

**Vewwonica:** yeah but how the hell did lance just wake himself up from a coma? and aim? and? not miss?

**Lancito:** cause i'm the sharpshooter bitch

**Vewwonica:** oh my g o d enough with that stupid nickname it's been nine years lance

**HunkyMonkey:** wait what? you know the origin of the nickname?

**Vewwonica:** marco called him that /once/ when he won lasertag when he was ten

**gay:** why would you keep a nickname like that for nine years lance

**Lancito:** so it'd be like marco was there and like he was still proud of me

**Vewwonica:**

**Vewwonica:** oh.

**Daddy:** He is proud of you, Lance. We all are, Sharpshooter.

**Lancito:** shiro no i'm gonna cry

**Pidgeon:** but like,,,,, we're proud of thee, Lance

**HunkyMonkey:** rt

**Mattematics:** rt

**gay:** rt

**Princess:** "retweet"

**Leifi Boi:** Rt

**Romellegant:** rt

**Rizavi:** rt

**Vewwonica;** rt

**Gorgeous Man:** RETWEET

**KInk-aid:** rt

**James:** sure i guess

**Kink-aid:** James.

**James:** ugh

**James:** rt

**Lancito:** hjglfkds;a

**Pidgeon:** update: lance is now sobbing into my sheets

**Pidgeon:** and i just washed those, damn

**gay:** well this was nice but it looks like the story is completely over so why don't y'all go and get on with your lives

**Lancito:** bkjgdlfs; y'all

**Rizavi:** aaaaaand he's back

**Pidgeon:** and i have more story to tell so shut your fucking mouth /kogane/

**gay:** shit

**Rizavi:** this story is just brave, not embarrassing, what's the big deal?

**HunkyMonkey:** oh just you wait

**gay:** noooo

**Lancito:** please don't

**Pidgeon:** so where were we? oh yeah so,

**Pidgeon:** sendak was momentarily defeated. keith like. punched him? after lance shot his arm off. and so me and hunk are helping shiro and keith goes over to see if lance is okay, right? which was pretty cool of him i guess, considering they both "hated' one another then, and had that dumb rivalry and all the fights and shit

**Kink-aid:** why the fuck did you guys hate each other

**Lancito:** wELL leT ME TeLL YOU  
**Pidgeon:** no time for that

**Pidgeon:** so keith is kneeling by lance's side to see if he's good. and like, obviously he isn't he was in a fuckiNG COMA, DID I MENTION THE COMA?

**HunkyMonkey:** yeah you may have mentioned it

**Pidgeon:** oh cool, so anyway keith is checking in on our favorite blue boy and for half a second they stopped pretending to hate each other. and keith asks all nicely if lance is okay

**Leifi Boi:** "blue boy"?

**Pidgeon:** and keith fucking. holds lance's hand, and fucking.

**Pidgeon:** ; CrAdLeD hIm In HiS ArMs

**Pidgeon:** ,,,,and lance goes "we did it. we are a good team" and they both looked. so. soft? at each other and honestly it was a soft moment, alright? but then of course lance promptly passed out, you know how it be.

**Vewwonica;** aww this is? cute?

**HunkyMonkey:** it was so soft

**Daddy:** Yeah, it really was.

**gay:** /shiro/

**Queen:** It was a beautiful moment, and we thought maybe they would get over their differences.

**Gorgeous Man:** WE WERE WRONG. VERY WRONG.

**Lancito:** hslfgjdak coran

**Rizavi:** what happened?

**James;** how did the idiots screw it up

**Pidgeon:** when lance came out of the healing pod, all shiny and new, he had some understandably foggy memories about the hours around the time he was EXPLODED, rememBER THE EXPLOSION? I CANNOT STRESS IT ENOUGH

**Pidgeon:** and we were debriefing the dude, and keith said something like "i fucking punched sendak you idiot" after lance made some stupid comment about keith not doing much and keith goes,,,,

**Pidgeon:** he goes,,,,

**HunkyMonkey:** "We HaD a BoNdiNg MoMeNt!"

**Pidgeon:** "I cRaDlEd YoU iN mY aRmS!"

**HunkyMonkey:** and lance goes,,, he goes,,,

**Pidgeon:** "Nope! Don't remember! Didn't happen!"

**Pidgeon:** like a fucking dumbass

**Lancito:** i /don't/ remember

**gay:** bullshit

**HunkyMonkey:** keith is still super hurt and bitter because he thought it was gonna mean they could be friends but like lance is prolly actively suppressing it

**Lancito:** am not!

**Pidgeon:** likely story.

**Leifi Boi:** That was.... entertaining.

**Vewwonica:** it was definitely something

**Mattematics:** the whole thing is just,,,,, khgljdfs;ajlk

**Mattematics:** you know?

**Daddy:** No Matt, no one understands anything you say.

**Mattematics:** lance gets me

**Lancito:** <3 uwu uwu

**Mattematics:** uwu uwu  <3

**Pidgeon:** disgusting

 

_4:06 pm_

**Operation Klance**

**Pidgeon:** i must disclose tho

**Pidgeon:** that was also highkey the moment keith realized he was super gay for lance and so he was extra scandalized by lance "forgetting" the bonding moment

**HunkyMonkey:** yeah lance "forgetting" was also his way of totally denying his feelings for keith

**Pidgeon:** oh totally

**Mattematics:** huh

**Mattematics:** they're fucking stupid

**takashi:** Amen.

**Pidgoen:** rt

**HunkyMonkey:** rt

 

_4:20 pm_

**Badass Not-Boys**

**Queen:** Romelle told me to say into this chat: "Four-twenty blazing."

**Shorti:** dfhsgjlk

**Shorti:** y'all wanna have a sleepover tonight

**Mob Boss:** fuck yeah

**Lesbian:** heeelllllll yeahhhh

**Smarti:** Sounds intriguing. I will be there.

**Smarti:** Who's room?

**Queen:** Romelle's already here, so why don't you come to mine?

**Shorti:** oh of course she is

**Queen:** Can it, Pidge.

**Lesbian:** owo what's this?

**Shorti:** veronica if you use that phrase in this chat ever again i'll kick you out

**Lesbian:** noted.

**Queen:** So my room? It's bigger anyway.

**Mob Boss:** it is?

**Queen:** Yes.

**Shorti:** she's literally a /princess/, rizavi

**Mob Boss:** oh yeah

**Mob Boss:** how's that going?

**Queen:** Well I still haven't found the rest of my people, who were presumed to be dead for the past thousand years.

**Mob Boss;** oh.

**Lesbian:** yikes.

**Smarti:** Anyway. I'll be there in five?

**Shorti:** sounds like a plan my dudes

**Shorti:** squad

**Mob Boss:** squad

**Lesbian:** squad

**Smarti:** squad

**Queen:** Squad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah. comments?  
> tamale night is next!  
> uwu uwu i love you guys seriously your kudos and comments make my fucking day!!!!  
> also this bitch of a story has 300 kudos???? I'm????? got this bitch cryin in the club


	15. tamale night, pt 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vewwonica: okay guys  
> Vewwoinca: let's get this bread.
> 
> OR: tamale night part one!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT!! PLEASE READ :)  
> Lance's Siblings> Veronica (23), Marco (25) married to Lisa, Luis (20), Rachel (21)  
> Lance's Parents> Rosa and Roberto  
> Lance's Nieces/Nephews> Lisa and Marco's kids: Nadia and Sylvio (6, twins), Leo (short for Leandro after his uncle, 1), Lisa is pregnant w/ a fourth; Rachel's daughter: Elena (Ellie for short, 3)
> 
> Canon? I hardly know her, I'm making it up as I go. :')

_5:46 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Vewwonica:** i'm gonna start counting and you all better be by the lions by the time i get to ten

**Vewwonica:** one

**Kink-aid:** rizavi and i are already by the yellow lion

**Kink-aid:** james is still pouting about having to go with keith

**Vewwonica:** ugh why can't you kids just get your shit together

**Lancito:** damn mom is rubbing off on you

**Vewwonica:** don't make me start with you, leandro.

**Lancito:** dhfsgkl

**Vewwonica:** two

**Pidgeon:** ina and i are in green, ready to go

**Vewwonica:** thank you for being functional

**Leifi Boi:** You got it.

**Vewwonica:** three

**HunkyMonkey:** i'm almost to the yellow lion

**Vewwonica:** thank you

**Vewwonica:** four

**James:** i think i've decided not to go

**Vewwonica:** james fucking griffin get your ass to the black lion right this fucking minute or i swear to god i'll skin you alive

**James:** ,,,,,n,,,,,,no thanks

**Vewwonica:** five

**James:**

**James:** i'll be there in two minutes

**Vewwonica:** that's better

**Vewwonica:** six

**Lancito:** i'm already in red, waiting for you, cap'n

**Vewwonica:** i can't believe you aren't my biggest problem today

**Lancito:** me neither

**Vewwonica:** seven

**Vewwonica:** okay keith?

**gay:** shiro and i have been in the lion for like an hour

**Vewwonica:** coolio

**Vewwonica:** eight.

**Queen:** Romelle, Coran, and I are all here in the Blue Lion, ready to go!

**Vewwonica:** wonderful

**Vewwonica:** nine

**Vewwonica:** james you better be on your way you fucker

**James:** jeez love you too

**Vewwonica:** <3 you better be there bitch <3

**James:** i am calm down

**James:** kogane let me in

**gay:** no thank you

**Vewwonica:** keith don't make me come down there

**gay:** no offense veronica

**gay:** but you don't scare me very much

**gay:** you used to, until i saw you eat a bowl of spaghetti off the floor

**Vewwonica:** that's fair

**Vewwonica:** but

**Vewwonica:** unless you let james in right this instant, i'll never give you my blessing

**gay:**

**Lancito:** blessing for what?

**gay:**

**gay:** nothing

**gay:** james get the fuck in here

**Vewwonica:** hm. :)

**Lancito:** what the fuck just happened

**Lancito:** blessing for what?

**Vewwonica:** nothing :)

**gay:** nothing, lance

**Pidgeon:** there isn't much to bless, they're already married remember?

**Vewwonica:** ???  
**Pidgeon:** remember? lance said "marry me" and keith responded "sure"

**Pidgeon:** shiro gave his blessing and everything

**Daddy:** Lance has my infinite blessing to marry Keith. In fact, Lance I am begging you to marry him.

**Lancito:**?? what why

**Daddy:** You're the only one who can keep him in check. I'm too tired.

**Vewwonica:** okay so they're married but i still got james in which means:

**Vewwonica:** ten

**Vewwonica:** okay guys

**Vewwoinca:** let's get this bread.

 

\-----

 

"So, little bro." Veronica began, relaxing back against the side of the cockpit. Lance kept his eyes forward, pushing the lion out of the desert and towards home. "What's new with you?"

 

"Veronica, we live in the same facility. We are friends with the same people. It's all the same." He dodged an overhang, pulling up into the sky. Red purred beneath him, enjoying the ride after so long cooped up in the hangar. It was a short way to the house, which didn't help Lance's nerves. He knew it'd be fine, it had to be, but he still felt uneasy. He was essentially bringing both of his families together in one place-- his birth family and his chosen family, and he wanted nothing more than for them to get along.

 

"Kid. Kid. _Lance_." Veronica was saying, waving a manicured hand in front of his face as he almost flew straight into a boulder. He yanked the controls back, shooting upward with a lurch that had Red growling in excitement.

 

"You alright?" Veronica asked as he righted the lion. "This is going to be fine, you know. No need to worry your pants off, mister."

 

"Yeah, I know." He sighed, setting the lion on auto-pilot and leaning back in his chair, a hand carding restlessly through his hair. "I just want this to go well."

 

"You mean you want Mom to like Keith." Veronica corrected knowingly, smirking at her brother. "Don't think I don't see right through you, Lance."

 

"Shut up."

 

"Hmm." She leaned down to plant a kiss on the top pf her brother's head. "It'll be fine, Lance. Really."

 

"Yeah.... thanks Veronica." He tapped a finger against his chin in mock thought. "You know, you really do get more and more like Mom everyday. It's spooky."

 

"Oh please. Could Mom pull off an undercut?" She replied, lifting the curtain of her hair to show off said look, "I think not."

 

"Mom can do anything. I'm like eighty percent sure she has super powers and shit."

 

"God, you're such a momma's boy." Veronica flopped back down against the side wall, "Also, watch your mouth. You know Mom will cook you alive if you say something in front of the twins."

 

"Oh I can't wait to see them. And I still haven't seen baby Leo! He's named after me, legally I should have at least emt him by now." Lance cried, pounding his fist for emphasis.

 

"Well it's not like you could have seen him from _space_ , idiot."

 

"Oh yeah, I forgot."

 

"Jesus Christ, Mom's right. You really are an imbecile." Veronica mused.

 

"What? Did dhe really say that?'

 

"Oh my _god,_ Lance."

 

\-----

 

"Turn up the heat."

 

"No."

 

"Please?"

 

"No."

 

"Yes."

 

"No."

 

"Yes."

 

"No-- Ow!" Keith took a hand off the controls to rub the back of his head where Shiro had flicked him. "What was that for?"

 

"Be nice Keith. James asked you to turn up the heat, please just do it."

 

Sighing, Keith did as his brother said with a grumbled, "I should have just stayed on the whale."

 

\----

 

"And then she took Lance's lion." Hunk was saying, gesturing wildly as he told the story. The lion veered dangerously as his hands left the controls. "And so there Lance is, handcuffed to a tree, that doofus. Nyma just steals his lion and makes a break for it."

 

"What a bitch." Rizavi shook her head, laughing slightly. She's leaned against Kinkade, who is listening to the story in silence, a small smile playing at his lips.

 

"Not really. She's actually pretty nice, now that she's on our side." He pauses, a darker look passing his face. "Rolo though, I don't like that guy."

 

"Why?"

 

"I dunno... He just gives me a bad feeling." Hunk shrugs, turning back to the front.

 

"Well that doesn't change the fact that Lance should have been thinking with his head instead of his dick. I mean, all the signs were there that she was playing him." Kinkade spoke up, nodding sagely. Varadero was coming into view.

Something the paladins had all been a little shocked to discover was that Earth... wasn't that big. It would take three, maybe four vargas to make a lap around the surface, two if you were in Red. So a distance that had seemed infinite in the past-- from Arizona _all the wa_ y to Cuba-- was a twenty minute ride now. It really put things in perspective, Hunk thought.

 

"Holy crap those waters are blue." Rizavi commented, pushing her nose up against the glass of the windshield. Or-- the Altean equivalent of glass.

 

"Yeah, and it's even prettier in the summertime. You really wouldn't want to go swimming there now though. The Gulf may be warm, but it's not _that_ warm."

 

"Damn."

 

\-----

 

"That wouldn't work! The engine would overheat." Pidge cried as they disembarked from their lion, Ina right behind them. "You'd need some kind of cooling apparatus if you were going to do that."

 

"What if you put in a vent? In the hull." Leifsdottir reasoned, tilting her head and looking around at the calm beach. Despite the time of year, the air was fairly warm here, with s light breeze running through that only made her shiver a little through her thin jacket. The sand crunched under her boots as she and Pidge made their way up the beach and away from the sound of the waves crashing against the beach and against Green's hind legs.

 

"Well.. I mean I guess that would work, but I don't see why you would be rerouting the main computer through the engine in the first place. I mean sure, it would give you more control of the system and make the stops and starts more automated, but it would fry the wires in no time." Pidge argued, "There's really no need to do that in the first place."

 

"It would make the controls more efficient. Think about it-- if you could connect the engine to the main controls more directly, it would respond quicker, it would run smoother, and the computer could run consistent diagnostics on the engines so you could catch malfunctions sooner."

 

"I disagree, I think-- Hey!" Pidge cried as Lacne popped up beside them and yanked their cap off their head. Well-- _Lance's_ cap, which they had stolen out of his room when the castle blew up.

 

"Where did you get this? I've been looking all over for it!" He ran a hand over the faded embroidery, reading "Boston Penitentiary". His brother had gotten int as a souvenir for him when he'd visited New England. At first Lance had been pissed that all Marco had brought back for him was a hat form a goddamn _prison,_ but it'd grown on him and he'd been pleased to find it in his back pocket when he'd first gotten in the lion. He liked to think it was a sign of Marco giving him good luck in his travels, even if it was just a stupid coincidence.

 

"Where are the others?" Ina asked as Pidge snatched the cap out of Lance's hand and settled it back on their head.

 

"Over there." Lance replied, gesturing loosely a little ways up the beach, where Yellow, Black, and Red were parked. He went to grab for the hat again but Pidge ducked, aiming an elbow at his stomach and forcing a small " _oof!_ " from him, much to their satisfaction.

 

"Um. Not to be rude. But." Leifsdottir said slowly, "Aren't there... five lions?"

 

"Yeah, there's been a bit of a mix-up..."

 

\-----

 

"Go left." Romelle instructed, eyes glued to the map in her hands, scrutinizing the layout.

 

"Left? Isn't that the direction we came from?" Allura asked unsurely, but did as Romelle instructed.

 

"I'm sure we'll be there in a jiffy!" Coran cried, smoothing his mustache worriedly. "Number Three said that his native town is by the ocean, and this is definitely the ocean, or so I am told." He peered out the window and down at the water below them, which stretched to the horizon on all sides.

 

"We just need to find some... Land!" Romelle shouted, jumping from her perch on the armrest of Allura's seat to get a better look at the island below. "Lance said that this 'Cuba' was an island, right? That's an island! We're here!"

 

"Thank Quiznak." Allura sighed, bringing blue down to land on the shore. The three hurried out of the ship, sure they were late, and found themselves to be completely alone. The area was grey, dark clouds passing lazily overhead and casting shadows across the bare land. It was empty, with a single person wandering back and forth across the shore ahead of them. They approached him.

 

He seemed to be a child, as far as Allura could tell, since he was so small. He had glasses and what Lance had told her was called a "crew cut", and was wearing a t-shirt reading, "World Cup 2012" in bright letters and large font.

 

"Greetings!" Romelle cried, leaning down a little to get closer to eye level. "Can you give us directions?"

 

The kid didn't respond, just stared.

 

"Excuse me, sir." Romelle began, and the kid looked up at them blankly. "Could you tell us if this is Varadero?"

 

"We are looking for the McClain residence," Coran supplied helpfully.

 

The kid stared for a moment longer before asking, "あなたは誰?"

 

Allura was starting to think that this was not the place.  

 

\----- 

 

"Allura, can you hear me? Allura? Romelle? Coran? Anyone?" Shiro was saying into the comm in his hand as Pidge, Ina and Lance, triumphantly holding the cap high out of Pidge's reach, arrived.  

 

"They must be outside the lion and there's no reason for Allura to be wearing her helmet either." Hunk guessed, a worried look on his face. "Oh man, I can't believe we let them go on their own, the three aliens-" He paused, glancing at Keith before correcting himself, "-three _of the_ aliens," Keith rolled his eyes, "on their own, on a planet they aren't familiar with. We should have sent Veronica with them, that would have made much more sense." 

 

"Damn. you're right." Veronica mused, "Well, now what?  

 

"Hold on- I think I can rig Green's scanners to find Blue. Then one of us can go get them."  

 

"I'll help." Ina and Hunk said at the same time. They looked at each other a moment, before Hunk shrugged and grabbed her hand, pulling her into the Green lion with him and Pidge. Shiro continued trying to get a hold of the Alteans over the comms while Veronica and Rizavi started chatting about the McClain family. Despite having been close friends for a few months now, Nadia had yet to meet the family. 

 

"I wish Matt were here to make jokes with me. I miss that kid." Lance sighed, coming up beside Keith, who was nestled into the sand, arms up around his knees. 

 

"Miss him? Lance you saw him this morning." Keith snorted, glancing over at him.  

 

"I can't help it. That kid _gets_ me." He shrugged, then stopped a second, a thoughtful look crossing his face. "Though, you do too. Mostly. And like, in a different way, I guess. Huh." He shrugged again, seemingly letting it go, unaware of the fact that he'd just made Keith's entire fucking _year._  

 

"Oh. Um." Was all he said, because he was just _that_ smooth.  

 

But Lance wasn't paying attention, because Pidge had come hopping out of Green's jaw, a confused look on their face.  

 

"Japan," They said slowly, "Somehow, they are in fucking _Japan._ "  

 

"How..." James started, but seemed to think better of it. He was starting to catch on-- when in Voltron, you have to just go with it. He'd given up on reason when it came to these people. 

 

"Who's gonna go get them?" Shiro asked, glancing around. "Not Lance-- he has to bring us to his family. Pidge, Hunk?" 

 

"I can." Hunk shrugged, "Rosa won't mind of I'm late."  

 

"You're on a first-name basis with Mama McClain?" Nadia asked, eyebrow raised. 

 

"Oh yeah. Rosa loves me. Says I do them all a favor for taking care of this dork," He hooked a thumb over his shoulder at Lance, who was building a sandcastle with Keith and who did not even look up, flipping his best friend the bird in silence as he perfected his northwest tower, "But really I'd be so lost without him." Hunk finished, smiling wide.  

 

"Aww. That was soft." Nadia cooed, grinning. 

 

"Yeah yeah, touchy-feely bullshit, blah blah blah." James muttered, flopping into Kinkade's lap. "Someone just go find the aliens." 

 

"I think it'd be better if you respected Hunk more, _cadet_ ," Shiro said lightly, but there was a warning undertone to his voice that made Griffin stiffen.  

 

"Y-Yes sir." James stuttered, even going so far as to salute. Veronica snorted and he stuck his tongue out at her. 

 

"Okay, I'll be back in like an hour," Hunk said before climbing into Yellow's waiting maw. The others watched him lift off into the sky, before slowly they all turned towards Veronica and Lance. 

 

"Alright." Lance said calmly, a sinister grin crawling across his face, "Prepare to become honorary McClains."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts, thots? Lemme know in the comments!  
> There should be three or four tamale night sections :) :) depends on how much time i get :) :)
> 
> Have a lovely evening/ morning/ eternity


	16. tamale night pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Where is he?" Mama McClain was saying, eying all of the newcomers suspiciously. "Where?"
> 
> "Where's who, Mamá?" Veronica asked, picking up a crying child. 
> 
> "The boy."
> 
> \-----  
> tamale night tamale night tamale night  
> except they haven't even started eating tamales yet sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> part two, baybee!!!!

The first thing Keith noticed after being swept into Lance's house was the _noise_. Never in his life had he experienced so... much of it, all at once. Mama McClain was fawning over all of them, Marco was in a heated debate with Pidge already, and Luis was just a loud person, it seemed. There were three? four? small children running around, one of which was a spitting image of Lance himself. The older two crashed right into their uncle, shouting things in Spanish so fast it made Keith's head spin. It was immensely endearing, watching Lance catch two speedy children and gather them up inn his arms, a smile so wide it looked like it hurt spreading across his features. Keith found a little voice in his head saying something along the lines of, _what would he be like with his own kids? More specifically, his and yours?_ He tamped it down, watching Lance in silence as he carried the two on his back and moved to greet his other sister, Rachel. Keith hadn't met her yet, but he had a feeling he was going to like her as she laughed so hard she almost dropped her own kid when one of the twins put his finger in Lance's ear. Keith watched this all from his hiding spot in the corner, pressed close into the wooden door, unsure of how to proceed. He'd never really had a chance to be in a family situation like this one, nevermind be a guest in someone's home. Not like _this_. All the foster families had never made him feel so welcome, he'd always felt like an intruder, a burden, a stray cat. This place was so lived in, so _warm_ , and Keith had absolutely no idea what to do with it. 

 

"Where is he?" Mama McClain was saying, eying all of the newcomers suspiciously. "Where?" 

 

"Where's who, Mamá?" Veronica asked, picking up a crying child. Keith guessed it was the baby, Leo.  "The _boy_." 

 

"Boy? Which boy?" Pidge asked, looking between all the male members of their party. "If you're looking for Hunk, he went to find the aliens." 

 

"No no, not Hunk. The _boy._ " She shot Lance a meaningful look as she continued, _"_ El novio de Lance. El chico que me dijo está tan lindo, con ojos morados y pelo negro y piel palida. El chico que Leandro ama." She petered out into a devious giggle, as Lance began turning red at an alarming rate. He put his niece and nephew down as he began to sputter, "Mamá! Stop it!" 

 

"Es verdad, no?" She cackled, sending a wink at her son. Keith, bewildered, watched in confusion. He didn't remember much Spanish, so all he'd caught were the words, "pretty," "boy," and "eyes." He would have paid more attention in class if he'd known he'd need it. Or that it could teach him what to say to make Lance look like _that_. You know, red really was his color.

 

"He's in the corner." Veronica piped up, and suddenly it became clear to Keith that they were talking about _him_ , as all eyes turned to him. Kinkade snickered, leaning into James and smirking knowingly at him. Marco was eyeing him like a hawk. He cowered farther into the wall behind him.

 

"Oh?" Mama McClain said, eyes lighting up. "You were right, _mijo_ , he really _is_ pretty." She came closer, too close, putting her hand on Keith's chin to turn his head back and forth as if examining it. She smelled like honey and jasmine.

 

"Um." Keith tried, his voice coming out wobbly, "Hi?"

 

To his relief, Lance's mother laughed, full and bright, and let him go. "Hello, Keith. I've heard a lot about you."

 

"I'm... sorry?" What was he supposed to say to that? Why had she heard a lot about him?

 

"Oh, honey." She laughed again, eyes warm, "You're going to fit in just fine here. Just fine."

 

"O-Okay." He mumbled, looking to Shiro for help. The bastard was laughing, trying and failing to muffle it in his prosthetic hand. In fact, all his alleged "friends" were laughing at his discomfort. Jerks.

 

"Oh my god I love him." Rachel gushed, popping up beside her mother with a grin like a cat who'd gotten the cream. "You are just adorable. You look like an angry kitten!"

 

"I'm. Not a kitten." He stated, blanching a little.

 

"See, mullet?" Lance piped up from somewhere behind the two women, "Even after just meeting you they can tell you're a furry."

 

"Being part Galra doesn't make me a furry, Lance." He replied, edging away from Lance's mother and sister. Rachel was practically _bouncing_ , eagerly muttering something incomprehensible under her breath.

 

"Keith!"

 

He turned and found Luis grabbing his arm, yanking him away from the women, a mischievous look on his face. He was exactly as Lance had described him; lanky and unbelievably tall, so that even Keith had to look up to meet his eyes. (Ever since he'd come back from the space whale, he'd been taller than Lance and the Cuban boy wouldn't shut up about it, constantly whining about the three inches Keith now had on him.)

 

"What's it like to be part Galra? Lance says you can do this weird thing with your eyes and you get _fangs_. That is _so cool_. Can you show me? Can you do it right now? How does it work? Where do the fangs go when you aren't using them? Why do your eyes turn yellow? Does it hurt? Can you lay eggs? Do you--" Luis continued, mouth moving a mile a minute. It made Keith's head spin.

 

"Alright alright, everyone get away from him." Lance came to the rescue, snatching Keith's arm away from his brother. He slid his hand into Keith's leaning over to whisper a soft, "you alright?" into his ear and giving his hand a little squeeze.

 

Keith looked down at their intertwined hands then back up at Lance's face, and felt a little smile cross his face.

 

\-----

 

"How? How does this always happen?" Romelle cried indignantly, pushing her face into Allura's shoulder, "Why can't anything ever just go the way it's supposed to? Is Voltron cursed? Allura, you'd tell me if it were cursed, wouldn't you?" She looked up at the Princess, eyes wide.

 

"Of course I would."

 

"But it isn't, right?"

 

"No, Romelle," Allura reassured her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders, "We aren't cursed. The universe just... isn't sure what to do with us yet. But we'll figure it out. We always do. For now, we must wait for one of the Paladins to find us."

 

"I hate waiting." Romelle sighed, digging her toes into the wet sand. They were still on the same beach, which was apparently _not_ Cuba, and no one had come for them yet. The little boy had wandered away twenty minutes ago, leaving the three aliens alone. Coran was messing about in the water not far off, his pant legs rolled up to his knees.

 

"It's freezing!" He informed them, wading closer to their spot on the beach, "I cannot feel my toes!" He seemed delighted by this fact, so Allura opted to let him be. Romelle, on the other hand was less optimistic, calling, "You're going to freeze to death! Apparently it happens all the time here! Hunk told me about a place called Antarctica, where no one can live cause it's so cold."

 

"I don't think this is Antarctica... is it?" Allura mused aloud, moving towards the water. She could see why Hunk and Lacne had been so enthusiastic about the water here on Earth-- it was beautiful. She'd never seen anything like it. sure, there was water all across th universe, it _was_ the basis of all life after all, but Earth just had...so _much_ of it. It reminded her of a place she used to visit with her mother when she was little, a lagoon on the far sidee of Altea, where the water was a pale pink and the sky tinted orange and grey flowers drifted across the gentle waves all day. She'd learned her first constellations there, made her first flower crown, had learned her mother was sick in that very meadow. It was a bittersweet place in her heart, but she'd give anything just to see it again.

 

"It _could_ be Antarctica," Romelle reasoned, tugging on the Princess's arm. "how would we _know_?"

 

"I guess we wouldn't. But none of us have frozen yet." Allura pointed out as she dragged Romelle closer to the shore. "Let's go swimming."

 

"Swimming?! Allura you're in formal robes!"

"So?"

 

"So! You'll ruin them!" Romelle huffed.

 

"I'll just take them off then."

 

"You'll just--oh." Romelle fell short, her hand falling out of Allura's grasp. The Princess took the opportunity to begin removing her robes, taking off each piece and folding them with care. Shiro had said the Altean robes reminded him of Japanese kimono, what with their wide belts and many layers. Neither Romelle nor Allura knew what a kimono was, but they didn't ask.

 

Now Allura was in her underthings, and fairly modest ones at that, but Romelle couldn't look. She felt her face heat as she turned to stare farther up the beach at where their shoes lay side-by-side in the grey sand.

 

"Well?" The Princess said from behind her, "Let's go."

 

"Go?" Romelle asked, moving her head slightly to look at her from the corner of her eye. She made an effort not to look at the exposed skin of Allura's arms, her torso, her legs...

 

"Swimming." The Princess said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, smiling a mischievous little smile.

 

"But. We're in the wrong place. We have to get back to the others."

 

"Oh, they'll find us eventually. Let's have some fun, Romelle." Something was odd about the way Allura moved her eyebrows while she said it, but Romelle couldn't quite place it. Her face turned a shade darker anyway, and she felt her resolve slipping.

 

_Pull yourself together_ , she scolded herself, forcing herself to move away. Romelle took a step back towards the lion, closing her eyes to center herself. She couldn't just _go swimming_ , with the _princess_ , whenever she damn liked! Back on Altea, there had been rules about this kind of thing! It was considered indecent to see the person you hoped to court in any state of undress. Romelle never really had been one to follow the rules though... But that was beside the point.

 

"No, we can't just go swimming, Princess. We need to get to this 'Cuba' so we can meet Lance's family." She said firmly, proud when her voice came out even.

 

Allura frowned, looking at Romelle's back for a moment in thought before bending down to scoop up a handful of water. In a very lady-like and not at all childish move, she flung it at her friend.

 

"Allura!" Romelle squealed, as the water slid down the side of her face from where it'd hit, "I con't believe you've done this."

 

"Hmm." Allura pretended to think while Romelle tried to wipe the water from her face, "Whatcha gonna do about it?"

 

Romelle stilled, before squaring her shoulders and facing the Princess head-on. The look on her face was deadly as she took a step closer, then another and another until she was inches from Allura.

 

"This." She pushed the Princess backwards into the water, a laugh ripping through her.

 

"Oh you're gonna get it!"

 

\------

 

"Okay, so I'm starting to understand why Lance is so loud." Pidge stated, crumbling into the couch beside Shiro. "This whole house is insane."

 

"Normally I'd say something to you about calling people insane but you're absolutely right." Shiro replied, laughing slightly. He'd spent the last twenty minutes in the middle of an argument about whether or not Ariana Grande was pregnant, which had ended with Luis throwing his drink in Rachel's face, saying something about how he "would not stand for this slander on our queen."

 

"I think Veronica is the most sane one here." Pidge continued, adjusting their glasses and pushing deeper into the cushions. They'd been overjoyed when Lance had introduced Pidge to his siblings as his "younger sibling slash diabolical genius slash meme pal", and even more delighted when everyone in the house had picked up the hint and used the proper pronouns. Even the kids, who called them "Unctie" in place of aunt or uncle. But it'd been an exhausting hour, between the shouting coming from the kitchen, the attention of four children, and watching Lance and Keith dance around each other while still holding hands, and Pidge wanted nothing more than to take a minute to themselves, just them and their laptop alone in their room, codes galore. He food was ready-- had been for half an hour now, but Mama McClain insisted they wait for Hunk to come back with the Alteans, who were still MIA.

 

"I don't know, Marco seems okay." Shiro shrugged, turning to look at the oldest McClain sibling, currently in a deep discussion with Kinkade and James about the weather.

 

"Are you serious?! Guy didn't know the difference between a hard drive and a flash drive!" Pidge looked affronted, shook down to their very core.

 

Shiro paused before saying slowly, carefully, "Pidge... _I_ don't know the difference between a hard drive and a flash drive."

 

Pidge didn't say anything for a tense minute, mouth wide and eyes wider, as if they had learned they had given birth to an octopus. They stood, took one last hard look at their former team leader, then turned sharply on their heel before stomping away.

 

"What'd you do to make them that mad?" Ms. McClain asked, taking the newly vacated seat besides Shiro.

 

"I don't know the difference between a hard drive and a flash drive." He admitted with a laugh. Rosa made him feel at ease in a way no one else did-- she didn't see him as Shiro, War Veteran, or Shiro, Suffering from PTSD, or even Shiro, All-Around Dork. She saw him as Shiro. Just Shiro. It was refreshing.

 

"Oh dear. They were right to leave you." She said now, shaking her head as if she were ashamed of him. He rolled his eyes and she laughed, a loud, uninhibited sound that made her eyes crinkle in the corner and her tongue stick out a little. She had an amazing laugh.

 

"Shame on me, I guess."

 

"Yes, shame on you." She stood again, still smiling. "Wanna see something, Takashi?" There was another thing about Rosa that Shiro instantly liked-- she called him Takashi. Only Matt, Adam, and sometimes Keith called him that.

 

"I don't know, do I?"

 

"Oh, I think you do." Something about the grin she was giving him was intriguing. She motioned him down a hallway and he followed uneasily, unsure what she was getting at. Rosa opened a door, the last on one the right, before stepping aside with a flourish. Shiro stepped into the room, eyes sweeping across it. It was immediately apparent whose room he was standing in by the posters plastered across the blue walls, depicting spaceships and constellations; by the folded blue quilt and the planets hanging from the ceiling, which was itself adorned with glow-in-the-dark stars; by the pictures pinned to the walls of Lance and Hunk growing up. But most interesting of all was the oversized poster of _Shiro_ hanging above Lance's bed. It was something Shiro had sone before Kerberos, a shot of him in his spacesuit with the words, "The Final Frontier-- Join the Garrison Space Exploration Today and Change the World" in bold font. In the photo he was smiling, happy, and with two whole-ass arms. He turned to Rosa with a sad smile. "What's that doing here?"

 

"Shiro," She began, "You know you were, maybe still are, Lance's hero, right?"

 

Shiro paused. While it'd always been obvious Lance respected him, Shiro had never considered he could be Lance's hero. He didn't know why he _would_ be, but it was flattering all the same. To think that he had an impact on Lance growing up was odd-- he'd hardly known him, except seeing him in his class (and of course hearing Kieth complain day in and day out about how annoying Lance was). He'd always had a soft spot fr the boy, because one-- Lance was passionate about space and it'd been amazing to see, and two-- anyone who could get Keith's attention was automatically good in Shiro's book. Keith had had some issues opening up as a kid, especially in the beginning. He would hardly speak to Shiro, nevermind the rest of the kids, and seeing Keith get so riled up was a rare insight into the kid's personality. Shiro smiled at Rosa.

 

"I didn't know that."

 

Mama McClain laughed, "He was practically in love with you, honey. Don't ever tell him I said this, but I'm eighty percent sure you were his bisexual awakening."

 

Shiro sputtered for a second, opening his mouth to refute this, but was cut off as Veronica catapulted into the room out of breath and obviously excited.

 

"Mamá!" She cried, leaning on the door way and huffing, "Rachel me dijo que tienes un novio. Es verdad? Mamá! Dime!"

 

Rosa paled for a moment, confusing Shiro further. He couldn't understand Spanish, so he had no idea what was going on. From the look on Veronica's face though it must be interesting. Rosa rolled her eyes before replying in fast Spanish the Shiro couldn't catch, pushing her daughter out the door as she did so and following her down the hall. Shiro took one last look around the room before stepping out, closing the door behind him.

 

\------

 

"Why are you all wet?" Hunk demanded as he led the three Alteans back towards the lions. He'd landed to find the two girls cuddled on the sand and Coran passed out somewhere behind the blue lion, smelling suspiciously like nunvil. He'd woken up still drunk and was currently petting Hunk's hair. Romelle and Allura were holding hands, Hunk noticed, but he didn't comment on it. They both seemed content, and every time they made eye contact, they both looked away quickly, red-faced. Hunk had a feeling there was tea to be spilled. All in due time though, he thought as they arrived back at the lions. It was decided that Romelle would go with Allura and Coran with Hunk, and Allura would be very careful to follow Hunk this time so as no to get lost again.

 

"That's a good Klanmurl," Coran muttered lazily.

 

And with that, they headed back.

 

 

\-------------

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so um i don't speak spanish well, i'm still learning it, but i tried my best! if you have any feedback about it, about my grammar, better ways it could be said, etc. let me know! i want to get better!
> 
> translations:   
> Mama McClain: "El novio de Lance. El chico que me dijo está tan lindo, con ojos morados y pelo negro y piel palida. El chico que Leandro ama." - "Lance's boyfriend. The boy he said is so pretty, with purple eyes and black hair and pale skin. The boy Leandro loves."
> 
> Veronica: "Rachel me dijo que tienes un novio. Es verdad? Mamá! Dime!" - "Rachel told me you have a boyfriend. It that true? Mom! Tell me!"
> 
> \---- 
> 
> FEEDBACK WATERS MY CROPS, CURES MY DEPRESSION, CLEARS MY PORES
> 
> have a wonderful day babes!


	17. tamale night pt. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Love With Romelle: Romelle and I… Well we.  
> Kogayne: you what  
> In Love With Romelle: We kissed.  
> Pidgeon: KJGFLDSD;DGJLHFKLS???
> 
> \---   
> kiss kiss fall in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BITCH   
> sorry this is so late and so short!!! ya babe wen through a bad two weeks, since my insomnia is acting up and my parents were being /extra/ shitty and ya babe's stepmother pulled a fucking knife on her. like. not cool. 
> 
> anyway here it be
> 
> enjOY

_7:13pm_

**Let’s Go Lesbians**

**In Love With Romelle:** Paladins

**Lanceypants:** there you are

**Lanceypants:** where did you /go/

**In Love With Romelle:** Hunk said it is called a “Japan.”

**Lanceypants:** okay but

**Lanceypants:** h o w

**In Love With Romelle:** Romelle says to type: “`\\(*-*)/`”

**Pidgeon:** sgfdjnklfsfla;

**Kogayne:** why are you in this chat what happened to the other one?

I **n Love With Romelle** : Ah yes.

**Lanceypants:** ???  
**Pidgeon:** ,,,, tea?

**In Love With Romelle:** “Tea.”

**Pidgeon:** spill

**Kogayne:** now

**Lanceypants:** what he said

**In Love With Romelle:** Romelle and I… Well.

**Kogayne:** you what

**In Love With Romelle:** We kissed.

**Pidgeon:** KJGFLDSD;DGJLHFKLS????

**Lanceypants:** DHLGFJLSFSLFGSKJGNFJKGFNJKGFNJFGKNJKSLJDFNGIUREOWJNASC

**Kogayne:** awesome

**Lanceypants:** “awesome”? what does that mean

**Kogayne:** it means i’m happy for them?

**Lanceypants:** oh look he /does./ have emotions other than rage

**Kogayne:** ha ha ha

**Pidgeon:** stop flirting i want to hear allura’s story

**Lanceypants:** we

**Lanceypants:** we weren’t flirting

**Lanceypants:** right keith?

**Kogayne:**

**Kogayne:** speak for yourself

**Pidgeon:** OWO WHAT”S THIS  
**In Love With Romelle:** Hm.

**Lanceypants:**

**Lanceypants:** w

**Lanceypants:** hwat

**Kogayne:** anyway allura how’d it happen

**In Love With Romelle:** Well we decided to go swimming. In the ocean. And we were splashing around, and laughing. It was very nice. She makes me feel very comfortable.

**Kogayne:** that’s good

**Pidgeon:** being comfortable with someone is very important for a relationship

**Kogayne:** true

**Lanceypants:** wait wiat WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

**Kogayne:** what

**Pidgeon:** yeah lance, what

**Lanceypants:** what do you MEAN, “what”

**Kogayne:** i mean what

**Lanceypants:** You SAID  
**Pigeon:** he said what, lance

**Pidgeon:** c’mon, use your words

**Pidgeon:** you can do it, you’re a big boy

**Lanceypants:** you sAID

**Kogayne:** said what, cargo pilot?

**Lanceypants:** s t o p

**Kogayne:** hmm

**Kogayne:** no thanks

**Pidgeon:;**  i am l i v i n g for this

**Lanceypants:** n,,o,,,,, sto,,p

**Kogayne:** but i can see you from across the living room and your face is the color of a fucknig tomato

**Kogayne:** it’s cute

**Lanceypants:** i,,,m i'm not

**Kogayne:** agree to disagree

**In Love With Romelle:** I am thoroughly enjoying this turn of events.  
**Pidgeon:** me too

**Pidgeon:** hey wait where’s hunk isn’t he in this chat too

**In Love With Romelle:** He is piloting the yellow lion.

**Pidgeon:** cool

**Kogayne:** wait

**In Love With Romelle:** Yes?

**Kogayne:** shouldn’t you…. be driving… too?

**In Love With Romelle:**

**In Love With Romelle:** I have to go now, for completely unrelated reasons. I will see you all soon.

**Pidgeon:** jkdnfsg.l

 

_7:24 pm_

**Veri Berry > lil Bro**

**Veri Berry:** you good?

**Veri Berry:** you’re all red

**Veri Berry:** marco asked me if you had gotten a really bad sunburn in space

**Veri Berry:** seriously, you good?

**Veri Berry:** lance?

_Lil Bro sent two (2) screenshots!_

**Veri Berry:** oooohhhhh shit

**Veri Berry:** he

**Veri Berry:** i am /living/ for this

**lil Bro:** stop help me pleASE

**lil Bro:** he's not allowed to

**lil Bro:** he can't

**lil Bro:** he can't just

**lil Bro:** hhhhhhhhhhh

**Veri Berry:** hmmmmm

**Veri Berry:** let me be the first to say,

**Veri Berry:** i love this it's so fucking funny to watch you lose your shit

**Veri Berry:** like,,,, dude

**Veri Berry:** you got it bad

**lil Bro:** veronica! you're not helping!

**lil Bro:** but,,, like,,,,, yeah. i really do

**lil Bro:** i like him a,,, lot

**Veri Berry:** oh really? I'd never guess

**lil Bro:** fuck you

**Veri Berry:** hmm

**Veri Berry:** mom wants you to set the table

**lil Bro:** k

**lil Bro:** be there in a second

 

_7:25 pm_

**gane > holt**

**gane:** that was scary as fuck

**gane:** did i do it right

**gane:** please tell me i'm doing it right

**holt:** geez why am i your flirting coach

**gane:** cause you're my best friend and you're weirdly good at flirting

**holt:** ...i'm your best friend?

**gane:** other than lance, yeah

**holt:** what is this gross happiness i don't like it make it stop

**holt:** i liked it better when i was a robot

**gane:** ???  
**holt:** cold and unfeeling, stronger than humanity

**gane:** weird flex but okay

**holt:** you did not

**gane:** i,,, did

**holt:** you're spending too much time with lance

**holt:** oh god where did my cryptid buddy go

**gane:** calm down i'm still keith kogane

**holt:** *koGAYne

**gane:** tru

_holt changed gane's name to **gayne**_

**holt:** that's better.

**gayne:** but like

**gayne:** look at him

**gayne:** is that good

**holt;** yes keith it's good

**gayne:** so i'm doing okay?

**holt:** yes you're doing fine

**gayne:** are you sure

**holt:** oh my fucking god

**gayne:** sorry sorry

**gayne:** i just really don't want to fuck this up

**holt:** then just tell him that

**gayne:** talk about my feelings outright? pidge who the fuck do you think you're talking to

**holt:** oh mood

**holt:** idk man, just relax

**holt:** at this point i don't think you could possibly mess it up

**gayne:** what the fuck does that mean

**holt:** nothing, you oblivious fuck

**gayne:** rude

**holt:** :P  
**gayne:** blocked

**holt:** wait unblock me

**gayne:** .... unblocked

**holt:** bitch

**gayne:** Pidgeon Katherine Elizabeth Holt i fucking love you

**holt:** weird flex but okay

**gayne:** hey wait you just went off at me for saying that

**holt:** because it's un-keith-like

**holt:** it's in character for me

**gayne:** ...

**gayne:** weird flex but okay

**holt:** fuck you

**\----**

"And then tío Lance said, 'Why don't you pick on someone your own size?' and he punched the guy!" Sylvio was saying, bouncing eagerly in James's lap. Nadia was pressed up against his side as well, halfway in Kinkade's lap beside him.

 

"Right in the face!" Nadia added emphatically, nodding her head and grinning.

 

"That's very... brave of him." James conceded, smiling a little. He didn't like kids, but it was hard to resist those eyes. Plus Kinkade kept giving him this fond-ass look every time he laughed at one of Nadia's jokes, and there was no way he'd pass up on _that._

 

Things had been good-- great-- between them lately, and James was loving it. He loved seeing a new side of Kinkade, seeing him laugh, seeing him smile. Kinkade had officially moved into his room with him three weeks ago, and it was amazing, waking up next to him. Sure, Nadia and Veronica teased them mercilessly, and even Ina threw over a taunt every once in a while, but it was worth it. _So_ worth it.

 

 

**"** Tío Lance is the bravest person in the world." Sylvio boasted, a smug smile on his face.

 

"No. Tío Lance's new friend is braverest." Nadia argued, pointing across the living room to where Keith was talking to Pidge and Rachel.

 

"But his hair is like a girl's." Sylvio countered, putting his hands on his hips. James couldn't help but notice that it was a very Lance-like action. He made a note to make fun of the older boy for that later.

 

(He'd deny it if ever asked, but he enjoyed Lance's company. But you didn't hear it from _me_.)

 

"So?" Nadia was saying, glaring at her brother. "What's wrong with girls?"

 

"They have cooties." Sylvio replied haughtily, tipping his nose in the air in disgust.

 

"No they don't! Boys have cooties!"

 

"Nu-uh!"

 

"Yeah-huh!"

 

"Nu- uh!"

 

"Yeah-uh!" Nadia cried adamantly, then turned to James. "Boys have cooties, right?" She stopped herself, a look of horror crossing her face-- "Wait, do _you_ have cooties?" She looked worriedly back and forth between James and Kinkade.

 

"No, I don't have cooties." Kinkade said calmly, smiling at Nadia, who sighed in relief.

 

"See. Nadia? Boys don't have cooties; girls do."

 

"Girls don't have cooties, you melon head." Marco's wife, Lisa, interjected, taking a seat in an armchair across feom them adn rubbign her very pregnant stomach, "Cooties aren't based on gender."

 

"They.... they're not?"

 

"Of course not."

 

Nadia and Sylvio looked at her, then at each other, silent for a second before Sylvio shrugged.

 

"I still think Mr. Keith has cooties."

 

"Why's that, mijo?" Lisa asked with a smile.

 

Sylvio leaned towards his mother, whispering conspiratorially, "He's an _alien_ , Mamá."

 

Kinkade began to laugh at that, while Nadia gasped in his lap. "Do you really think so?" She asked in disbelief.

 

"I _know_ so. Tío Lance told me so," He boasted, "So he _does_ have cooties."

 

James cleared his throat, glancing across the room at where Kogane was still deep in conversation before announcing, "Nadia, Sylvio, I have a secret to tell you. Can you promise not to tell anyone?" He looked at each of them, who were wide-eyed and attentive.

**"** Keith.... has cooties." He confirmed, smirking, "He has lots of 'em."

 

"Oh my god!" Nadia cried, falling out of Kinkade's lap. James just laughed.

 

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how was it? let me know bb!
> 
> uhhhhh also? y'all comments? give me life. 
> 
> ALSO! i almost forgot but this is IMPORTANT!!!   
> this fic will completely IGNORE SEASON 8, which i did not watch and am afraid to watch and am going to decide to ignore altogether. i heard they killed allura? i'm gonna fight 
> 
> anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk


	18. walmart and other life-changing events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gay: walmart..... does things to you. you learn more in an hour at walmart than in a year in the outside world  
> HunkyMonkey: Keith what do you have against walmart  
> Gay:   
> Gay: it was a brisk october day.  
> Daddy: Oh god not this again
> 
> -> tamale night has come to a close. the paladins debrief, and keith and lance talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait

_10:07 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Kink-aid:** thank you

**Kink-aid:** tonight was awesome

**Kink-aid:** your family is wonderful

**Daddy:** Yes, they really are. Thank you Lance, Veronica.

**james:** thanks i guess

**Rizavi:** there's never a quiet moment in your house, is there?

**Lancito:** never.

**Vewwonica:** they all loved you guys

**Mattematics:** i wish i could have gone with you guys

**Mattematics:** but alas, iverson has work for me

**Vewwonica:** you're welcome any time tho dude

**Vewwonica:** all of you are

**Lacnito:** yeah mom wants to keep all of you. you're all mcclains now

**Vewwonica:** there's no going back

**Lancito:** save yourselves while you still can

**James:** stop being so dramatic, your family is lovely

**James:** asshole

**Leifi Boi:** my favorite part of the night was when Sylvio threw a jello cube in james's face

**Pidgeon:** yeah that was good

**Vewwoncia:** that's what you get for insulting their favorite uncle

**Kink-aid:** lance is their favorite uncle?

**Kink-aid:** not Luis?

**Lancito:** fuck no, not Luis. he once left the twins at a walmart for two hours

**Vewwonica:** marco almost lost his shit

**Daddy:** How. How does someone leave two kids at a Walmart for that long?

**Lancito;** he claims it was an accident

**Vewwonica:** Luis still isn't allowed to hold the baby.

**Pidgeon:** with good reason, it seems

**Gay:** well at least the kids have survival skills now

**James;** what

**Gay:** walmart..... does things to you. you learn more in an hour at walmart than in a year in the outside world

**HunkyMonkey:** Keith what do you have against walmart

**Gay:**

**Gay:** it was a brisk october day.

**Daddy:** Oh god not this again

**Gay:** the year was 2010. i was twelve years old

**Gay:** it was my first time in a walmart, since i was literally a poor orphan child prior to meeting shiro.

**Gay:** shiro took me grocery shopping with him.

**Gay:** and. and in the freezer aisle.

**Gay:**

**Gay:** i saw. bad things.

**Pidgeon:** bad things? what bad things?

**Gay:** i don't even think i can say it out loud

**Rizavi:** this is text.

**Gay:** i just can't

**Daddy:** Oh stop being so dramatic

**Daddy:** He saw straight people having sex in the freezer aisle.

**Gay:** right on top of the frozen corndogs

**Lancito:** nfj;dlkmfskflngk

**Vewwonica:** khljfdg;gsfak;l

**HunkyMonkey:** o h m y g o d

**Pidgeon:** lfigjdosk;pa'k;l

**Gay:** i've never been the same since

**Mattematics:** is that when you became gay

**Gay:** no i was always gay

**James:** mood

**Vewwonica:** mood

**Leifi Boi:** that sounds traumatizing. you poor thing.

**Pidgoen:** okay subject change

**Lancito:** thank god

**Pidgeon:** keith what did marco say to you before we left?

**Pidgeon:** you looked like you wanted to throw up

**Gay:** ......

**HunkyMonkey:** it was the shovel talk, wasn't it?

**Gay:**... yeah.

**Gay:** it was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me

**HunkyMonkey:** scarier than the walmart thing

**Gay:** way.

**Pidgeon:** marco gave you the shovel talk?

**Gay:** uh yeah

**Pidgeon:** huh.

**Vewwonica:** he really.

**Vewwoncia:** did that.

**Daddy:** Marco fights bravely for the cause.

**Lancito:** marco did/what/

**Lancito:** he did W H A T

**Vewwonica:** hdgkfjalsksjfhkg

**Lancito:** what did he say to you?!

**Gay:**..... doesn't matter.

**Lancito:** what! yes it matters!

**Gay:** i don't wanna tell you

**Lancito:** keiiiiitttttthhhhh

**Lancito:** pleaseeeeee

**Gay:** no

**Pidgeon:** you're lucky he isn't in your room cause you know he'd give you the puppy dog eyes and no one is strong enough to withstand those

**Pidgeon:** no one

**Vewwonica:** yeah not even i can and i helped rise this doofus

**Lancito:** keiiiiiiithhhhh please

**Gay:** no

**Lancito:** fine.

**Lancito:** i have other methods of finding information out

**Gay:** ....

**Vewwonica:** he's gonna ask marco

**Lancito:** damn straight i am!

**Lancito:** i mean, damn bi i am!

**Mattematics:** rt

**Kink-aid:** rt

**HunkyMonkey:** sigh

_10:18 pm_

**bro-bro > bro-ito**

**bro-ito:** what the fuck did you say to keith

**bro-bro:** nothing too bad

**bro-ito:** just offered to saw off his limbs if he ever hurt you

**bro-ito:** which he won't

**bro-ito:** because we aren't together

**bro-bro:** not yet

**bro-ito:** not ever

**bro-ito:** keith doesn't like me that way

**bro-bro:** says who

**bro-bro:** did he say that?

**bro-ito:** well.... no but I know it

**bro-bro:** how

**bro-ito:** i just do

**bro-bro:** just ask him out already you dork

**bro-ito:** he'll say no

**bro-bro:** no he won't

**bro-bro:** you never know until you try

**bro-ito:** whatever.

**bro-ito:** gn marco

**bro-bro:** gn kid

 

_10:23 pm_

**lanco > alieb**

**lanco:** hey i'm sorry if marco freaked you out

**lanco:** my family is hecka protective and stuff

**lanco:** so sorry

**alieb:** don't be

**alieb:** it wasn't that bad, it's my dramatic streak. hanging out with you made it flare up

**lanco:** pfft

**lanco:** so we're good, right?

**alieb:** of course

**lanco:** awesome

**alieb:** ....

**alieb:** can i ask you one thing though?

**lanco:** anything

**alieb:** why'd marco talk to /me/?

**lanco:** ......

**lanco:** anything but that

**alieb:** lance

**lanco:**

**alieb:** why'd marco talk to me? why not allura?

**lanco:** allura?

**alieb:** yeah, her

**alieb:** y'know, the amazing beautiful alien princess you're in love with

**lanco:** oh keith you goof

**alieb:** ???

**lanco:** i'm in love with a different amazing beautiful alien princess

**alieb:** .

**alieb:**

**alieb:** .....romelle?

**lanco:** not a princess, and no. i love her to death, but no.

**lanco:** same goes for allura-- she's one of my best friends but i don't seriously like her like that. the flirting is just us messing around

**alieb:** o,,,oh

**lanco:** yeah.

**alieb:** so if not allura

**alieb:** and not romelle

**alieb:** .... what other alien princesses are there?

**lanco:** think, samurai

**lanco:** i know there's a brain hiding in that mullet of yours

**alieb:** not a mullet but go off i guess

**alieb:**

**alieb:** oh god

**alieb:** it's not krolia is it?

**lanco:** NO

**lanco:** n o

**lanco:** your mom is awesome but not her

**lanco:** she scares me

**alieb:** she scares everyone

**lanco:** speaking of, why don't you add her to the chat?

**alieb:** i dunno. i didn't make it

**lanco:** i didn't add her cause i didn't know if you'd want her there

**alieb:** oh

**lanco:** do you? want her in it?

**alieb:** sure i guess

**lanco:** you guess?

**lanco:** i don't wan tot pressure you or anything

**lanco;** it's entirely up to you

**alieb:** no i think i want her there

**alieb:** after seeing you and your siblings with your mom,,,, i want that

**alieb:** i want that with krolia

**alieb:** i just don't know how to get that

**alieb:** i know she and i spent a lot of time healing in the space whale but i still feel like there's,,, idk a gap between us

**lanco:** ... a /rift/, you could say?

**lanco:** get it? cause you were in a time rift?

**alieb:** get the fuck out of here

**lanco:** it was funny! i'm just trying to lighten the mood!

**alieb:** thanks i guess

**lanco:** but seriously

**lanco:** if you want that, i'd suggest just,,, telling her so. tell her that you want ot fix it between you two. she'll listen to you.she wants the same thing you do.

**alieb:**

**alieb:** i will. thank you lance.

**lanco:** wait for it

**alieb:** wait for what

**lanco:** the joke

**alieb:** what joke

**lanco:** the dumb joke

**lanco:** the "wow lance is being smart for once" joke

**lanco:** it usually comes

**alieb:** but you're smart all the time?

**lanco:** what.

**alieb:** you. are smart?

**alieb:** what is confusing here?

**lanco;** you think

**lanco:** what?

**alieb:** lance

**alieb:** you are incredibly smart

**alieb:** that being said, you're being a dumbass. how did you think you weren't smart?

**alieb:** you literally got into the garrison on a scholarship, are a defender of the universe, pilot of the red lion? remember?

**alieb:** not just anyone can do that?

**alieb:** it takes brains and bravery and compassion? and drive? and you have all of that?

**alieb:** lance?

**alieb:**

**alieb:** did i spook you? did i cross a line?

**alieb:** sorry sorry sorry

**lanco:** you think

**lacno:** you think i'm smart? and compassionate? and brave?

**alieb:** you /are/ those things?

**lanco:** what the fuck?

**lanco:** i'm crying in the club

**alieb:** sorry?

**alieb:** but it's true so not sorry actually

**lanco:** hold on

**lanco:** i'm gonna need a minute

**lanco:**

**lanco** ; okay i'm good

**alieb:** good?

**lanco:** good.

**alieb:**

**alieb:** now about that alien princess

**lanco:**

**alieb:** is it axca? ezor? zethrid?

**lanco:** they are all lesbians keith

**alieb:** oh yeah

**alieb:** who the fuck could it be?

**lanco:** o h m y g o d

**alieb:** i'm gonna figure it out

**alieb:** and maybe fistfight them

**lanco:** wait what

**alieb:** well whoever they are, they don't know how lucky they are

**lanco:**

**alieb:**

**lanco:** um

**alieb:** well

**alieb:** goodnight?

**lanco:** goodnight keith.

**alieb:** <3

 

_11:32 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Pidgeon:** why did i just hear screaming from keith's room

**HunkyMonkey:** honestly it's best not to ask

**Pidgeon:** noted.

**Pidgeon:** good night.

**HunkyMonkey:** good night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bitch is sorry for taking so long but things till suck so :/  
> UM the last chapter got so many comments? i'm???? 
> 
> i don't have anything else to say. scream at me in the comments 
> 
> love you all have a fantastic day and a lovely new year!!!


	19. familial shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lancito: VERONICA  
> Lancito: O H M Y G O D  
> Lancito: i'm telling MOM  
> Lancito: rigHT NOW
> 
> ~~~ verizavi time, boys ~~~
> 
> also a buncha familial bonding <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's short!!! ya babe has been bus with work and catching up on school stuff!!! plus bad things with my stepmom!!!! yikes!!!! but anyway it's here now! EnJoY bAbEs!!!!
> 
> CHECK THE END NOTES please

_3:47 pm_

**Holt the Phone**

**the father:** Matt, Pidge, make sure you call your grandmother today. It is her birthday.

 **Mother Mary:** Yes, please don't forget. She still hasn't let it go that you forgot last year.

 **the son:** okey

 **the holy spirit:** i'm not talking to her

 **the father:** Why not?

 **the holy spirit:** not until she apologizes

 **Mother Mary:** Apologizes for what?

 **the son:** she told pidge that they were a disgrace

 **Mother Mary:** What?!

 **the holy spirit:** after i came out to her

 **the father:** Pidge why didn't you tell us?

 **the holy spirit:** you were busy

 **the father:** Katie I'm never too busy to talk to you. Or you, Matthew.

 **Mother Mary:** I'm going to kill that bitch.

 **the father:** Coleen please do not murder my mother.

 **the father:** Only maim her a little.

 **Mother Mary:** No promises.

 

_5:19 pm_

**MatthewtheMusical > LanceonIce**

**MatthewtheMusical:** hey

 **MatthewtheMusical:** hey you

 **LanceonIce:** hi it is me

 **MatthewtheMusical:** can i ask you a favor

 **LanceonIce:** anything for you bb

 **MatthewtheMusical:** can you check on pidge? but like, subtly?

 **MatthewtheMusical:** i think they're feeling a little out of it lately but they won't tell me about it and i don't want to push them

 **MatthewtheMusical:** but i'm worried

 **LanceonIce:** i'll talk to them

 **LanceonIce:** i'll have a sleepover with them

 **MatthewtheMusical:** thank you lance

 **MatthewtheMusical:** really, it means a lot

 **LanceonIce:** no problem

 

_5:23 pm_

**U bEtTeR sToP > PidgetSpinner**

**U bEtTeR sToP:** hey kid

 **PidgetSpinner:** ?

 **U bEtTeR sToP:** you. me. my room.

 **pidgetSpinner:**! we having a sleepover?

 **U bEtTeR sToP:** fuck yeah we are

 **PidgetSpinner:** can i bring rover? i wanna show you what i made him be able to do!!

  
**U bEtTeR sToP:** fuck yeah you can!

 **PidgetSpinner:** we gonna fuck shit up tonight

 **U bEtTeR sToP:** we really. /are/

 

_6:18 pm_

**LanceonIce > MatthertheMusical**

_LanceonIce sent six (6) pictures_

**MatthewtheMusical:** awww look at my little sibling, so evil yet so cute

 **LanceonIce:** i think they've been feeling down cause of the dysphoria

 **LanceonIce:** but! do not worry!

 **LanceonIce:** i spent my money on two new binders for them and a buncha androgynous clothing for our lil gremlin! i'm broke now but it's /so/ worth it

 **MatthewtheMusical:** lance i'm crying

 **MatthewtheMusical:** thank you

 **LanceonIce:** no need to thank me, i just want the little prodigy to be happy

 **LanceonIce:** they deserve the world

 **MatthewonIce:** they really /do/

 **MatthewtheMusical:** tho to be fair if they had the world they'd prolly destroy it

 **LanceonIce:** oh definitely

 **LanceonIce:** but with good intentions

 **MatthewtheMusical:** love that kid

 **LanceonIce:** don't we all

 **LanceonIce:** okey i gotta go kick pidge's ass in smash see you later bb

 **LanceonIce:** <3

 **MatthewtheMusical:** <3

 

_7:43 pm_

**em ef ees**

**vee:** rizavi come over

 **are:** y

 **vee:** i'm cold and i want cuddles

 **are:** k

 **jay:** y'all are so domestic

 **vee:** we aren't dating

 **kay:** suuuuuuuure

 **jay:** yeah come on guys this has dragged on long enough

 **el:** as lance says: "i ship it"

 **vee:** w,,,what

 **are:** i have no idea what you are talking about

 **vee:** yeah!

 **are:** tho

 **are:** i would not be opposed to the idea

 **are:** of us

 **are:** y'know

 **are:** being. like. together

 **are:** 'n stuff

**vee:**

**vee:** i wouldn't either

 **vee:** be opposed i mean

 **jay:** o h m y   g o d

 **kay:** just /kiss/ already

 **jay:** the pining is getting pathetic

 **el:** verizavi

 **el:** rizonica

 **el:** veronavi

 **jay:** no no it's verovi

 **kay:** it would be spelled veravi

 **jay:** oh u rite u rite

 **el:** reronica

 **jay:** no not that one

 **kay:** wait where'd they go

 **jay:** rizonica where u at

 **el:** Hello?

_7:58 pm_

**em ef ees**

**kay:** found them

 **kay:** they're making out in veronica's room

 **jay:** finally

 **el:** as lance would say: "OTP"

 **jay:** hm

 **jay:** why aren't ryan and i your otp

 **el:** you aren't lesbians

 **kay:** understandable have a nice day

 **el:** i have an idea

 **el:** a rude idea

 **el:** to embarrass them

 **jay:** i'm listening

 

_8:06pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

_Leifi Boi sent four (4) pictures_

**Lancito:** OWO WHAT'S THIS

 **Lancito:** VERONICA

 **Lancito:** O H M Y G O D

 **Lancito:** i'm telling MOM

 **Lancito:** rigHT NOW

 

_8:19 pm_

**The McClains** **™**

**Lance:** GUYS

 **Lance:** GUYS

_Lance sent four (4) pictures_

**Mama:** Finally.

 **Luis:** OWO WHAT'S THIS

 **Mama:** Veronica I'm so proud.

 **Veronica:** those photoshop skills are amazing

 **Marco:** ?

 **Veronica:** obviously fake tho

 **Veronica:** fake news

 **Mama:** Oh please.

 **Rachel:** don't even try v

 **Rachel:** so tell me

 **Rachel:** when's the wedding?

 **Veronica** : i feel so attacked

 **Lance:** hahaha now you know how i felt

 **Veronica:** lance i'd like to formally invite you to fuck all the way off please and thank you

 **Mama:** Veronica that is no way to talk to your brother.

 **Veronica:** sorry, let me try again:

 **Veronica:**  fuck off lance

 **Mama:** Better.

 **Lance:** Mama!

 **Luis:** mom i love you so much rn

 **Lance:** mood

 **Veronica:** mood

 **Rachel:** mood

 **Marco:** "Mood"

 **Mama:** Mood. I love myself too

 **Luis:** oh we STAN a legend

 **Lance:** we STAN /so hard/

 **Rachel:** rt

 **Veronica:** rt

 **Marco:** rt

 **Mama:** rt

 **Lance:** hsbkjglfas mom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we STAN mama mcclain  
> oH AND! expect a new chapter either later TODAY or TOMORROW AFTERNOON, as well as a few new ones throughout the week. i suddenly find myself with loads of time to fill <3 <3
> 
> ALso? the next chapter? be afraid. so many shenanigans. it's gonna be lit.
> 
> OKAT IMPORTANT: if i were to write some oneshots for this, what would you like to see? hit me with them requests and ideas babes! 
> 
> DROP ME a comment? please? y'alls feedback is my lifeblood, helps me defeat the monster under my bed. (or make friends with them, i think they're just a lil lonely)


	20. never have i ever...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeon: i guess keith is horny today who knew  
> gay: dude   
> gay: i'm horny everyday  
> Mattematics: oh mood  
> Pidgeon: ew matt you're my brother stop  
> Mattematics: i speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth
> 
> in which everyone is horny on main, pasts are revealed, matt and shiro talk, everyone's drunk, and klance cuddles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's hecka long so

_December 31st 5:56pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Pidgeon:** hey bitches

**LaLaLance:** yes?

**gay:** why do you respond to 'bitch'?

**LaLaLance:** i've long ago accepted my identity

**Pidgeon:** haha you said titty

**Daddy:** Why do I hang out with you people?

**gay:** cause you love us

**Daddy:** False.

**Pidgeon:** anyway

**Queen:** What would you like form us, Pidge?

**Pidgeon:** let's hang out for new years

**Queen:** What is a New Years?

**Pidgeon:** it's a holiday to celebrate the closing of one year and the beginning of another

**Queen:** Oh! We had something like that on Altea! Although our celebration fell on the Summer Solstice.

**Romellegant:** i miss the hickeyberry pastries they used to make for the festival

**Pidgeon:** haha hickey

**Queen:** What is funny about the name?

**Pidgeon:**

**Pidgeon:** nvmd

**Queen:** ?? Why won't you tell me??  
**Pidgeon:** don't wanna spoil your innocence

**gay:** how is allura innocent

**gay:** remember that time she fucking /yeeted/ lotor

**gay:** or when she took out that entire battlecruiser by herself on that mission a few weeks ago?

**HunkyMonkey:** or when she broke lane's nose

**Queen:** That was an accident! Once again, I am so sorry Lance!

**LaLaLance:** no worries! it's all better now!

**HunkyMonkey:** or remember wen she fucking rose out of a ten-thousand year coma and immediately took on hte role of leading a group of kids to stop the evil empire? and it /worked/?

**gay:** allura is a BADASS

**Pidgeon:** tru

**Pidgeon:** but i'm still not gonna tell her what a hickey is

**Romellegant:** oh she already knows ;)

**Romellegant:** even if she doesn't know the human name for it

**Pidgeon:** oh ew

**Queen:** I do?

**Romellegant:** hmm i'll show you later

**Queen:** Okay?

**LaLalance:** pfft

**gay:** pidge did you want something or can i go back to kicking lance's ass at uno

**LaLaLance:** you aren't kickng my ass!

**gay:** oh really?

**gay:** i've won the last six rounds

**LaLaLance:** you're cheating!

**gay:** how so

**LaLaLance:** you're distracting me!

**gay:** oh?

**LaLaLance:** don't act innocent you know what you're doing you jerk

**gay:** yeah i do

**LaLaLance:** ugh! you're the worst!

**HunkyMonkey:** what could he possibly be doing to make you lose uno? you've never lost uno in the decade i've known you

**Pidgeon:** he's never lost?

**HunkyMonkey:** no he's really fucking good at uno

**HunkyMonkey:** keith what are you doing

**gay:** Absolutely Nothing At All

**LaLaLance:** liar

**LaLaLance:** he's playing footsie

**LaLaLance:** and it keeps getting not pg

**LaLaLance:** fucking jerk

**Pidgeon:** owo what's this

**Pidgeon:** i guess keith is horny today who knew

**gay:** dude

**gay:** i'm horny everyday

**Mattematics:** oh mood

**Pidgeon:** ew matt you're my brother stop

**Mattematics:** i speak the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

_6:12 pm_

**knife weather we're having > pigggg**

**knife weather we're having:** pidge

**piggg:** what

**knife weather we're having:** he keeps making this weird sound

**piggg:** okay?

**knife weather we're having:** like a lil squeak

**knife weather we're having:** borderline moan

**knife weather we're having:** i'm gonna die

**piggg:** then stop messing with him?

**knife weather we're having:** fuck no

**piggg:** sigh

 

_6:19 pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Pidgeon:** so guys

**Pidgeon:** let's go something for new years? yes? no?

**HunkyMonkey:** i mean sure

**LaLaLance:** yeah

**LalaLance;** anything to save me from this hell

**gay:** why is it a hell if you obviously like it

**Gorgeous Man:** OH FINALLY THEY ARE COPULATING. THE TENSION WAS UNBEARABLE.

**Pidgoen:** i;ofkf';jkalbgjd

**gay;** coran no we aren't.... doing that

**HunkyMOnkey:** not yet

**gay:** what

**LaLaLance:** what

**Daddy:** What?

**Daddy:** Keith you're being safe right?

**gay:** SHIRO STOP

**LaLaLance:** ANYWAY LET'S PLAY A GAME, HUH?

**Pidgeon:** uingh;ksfl;

**HunkyMonkey:** truth or dare?

**Daddy:** No thinks. I don't like how that went last time.

**Mattematics:** shiiiirrrooo whhyyyy

**HunkyMonkey:** hmmm what about never have i ever?

**Daady:** sure

**Mattematics:** isn't that a drinking game

**gay:** oh heelllllll yeah

**Romellegant:** count me in

**Pidgeon:** we can play, but i'm not down to drink. i'll take shots of apple juice i guess?

**HunkyMonkey:** alright

**LaLaLance:** i'm gonna go the responsible route like pidge and drink juice not alcohol

**Mattematics:** valid uwu

**gay:** i'm not

**HunkyMonkey:** yeah i'm gonna drink too

**Queen:** Alcohol is like Earthen Nunvil, correct?

**Mattematics:** yeah

**Queen:** In that case count me in.

**gay:** pfft

**Romellegant:** i'm surprised shiro isn't trying to discourage this

**Daddy:** Oh I'm going to drink /so much/ tonight

**Pidgeon:** kjlfjgnfkdl;sa'

**Mattematics:** that's my boyfriend!

**gay:** are we inviting the mfes to play?

**Pidgeon:** nah. they all went to their taco place to celebrate

**LaLaLance:** good. i don't wanna know what ronnie is like when she's drunk

**HunkyMonkey:** where are we gonna play?

**Pidgeon:** it's more fun over text; let's just play like this.

**Daddy:** How will we know if the person actually takes the shot?

**Pidgeon:** you all /want/ to get drunk, right? why wouldn't you take the shot

**HunkyMonkey:** oh yeah.

**HunkyMonkey:** okay so who's first?

**Pidgeon:** i'll go, since i brought it up

**Pidgeon:** um

**Pidgeon:** never have i ever broken a bone

**LaLaLance:** i have

**gay:** me too

**Gorgeous Man:** ME AS WELL  
**Daddy:** me

**Mattematics:** me

**Pidgoen:** that everyone? y'all gotta drink now

**gay:** yup

**HunkyMonkey:** okay i'lll go now

**HunkyMonkey:** um never have i ever

**HunkyMonkey:** done cocaine

**Romellegant:** i'd /hope/ not

**Romellegant:** form what i've been told, it is very bad

**Romellegant:** have any of you done it?

**Daddy:** ....

**Pidgeon:** Shiro?!  
**Daddy:** ....me

**Mattematics:** what the fuck? when? why wasn't i invited?

**Pidgoen:** matt!

**Daddy:** it was a long time ago, and only once. please let's not go there

**LalaLance:** damn shiro is wild

**gay:** i'm next

**gay:** never have i ever gotten a speeding ticket

**Mattematics:** me

**Pidgeon:** you??? don't have your license???

**Mattematics:** so?

**LaLaLance:** that's my boy

**LaLaLance:** never have i ever

**LaLaLance:** shoplifted

**Pidgeon:** me

**gay:** me too

**HunkyMonkey:** me as well

**Queen:** Me.

**Romellegant:** Allura when???  
**Queen:** Last time we went to the space mall.

**Queen:** Not sorry about it honestly.

**LaLaLance:** o h m y g o d

**Mattematics:** never have i ever gotten a tattoo

**gay:** me

**LaLaLance:** me

**gay:** wait lance? where?

**LaLaLance:** hipbone

**LaLaLance:** it's a seastar

**LaLaLance:** i also have a bellybutton piercing

**gay:** you

**gay:** you what

**LalaLance:** `\\(*_*)/"

 

_6:43 pm_

**knife weather we're having > piggg**

**knife weather we're having:** p i d g e

**knife weather we're having:** w h y i s t h i s h a p p e n i n g t o m e

**piggg:** s h u t t h e f u c k u p a n d p l a y t h e f u c k i n g g a m e

 

_6:44pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Daddy:** Okay moving on before Keith hurts himself

**Mattematics:** or has sex with lance on a table

**LaLaLance:** excuse me

**Daddy:** Never have I ever sent nudes

**Gorgeous Man:** ME

**LaLaLance:** me

**Mattematics:** me

**Pidgeon:** oh my god i remember when lance "accidentally" sent those nudes to the whole school that was the funniest thing i have ever seen

**gay:** when was that?

**HunkyMonkey:** while you were in the desert

**gay:** damnit

**gay:** wish i'd been there

**LaLaLance:** again, EXCUSE ME

**gay:** you're excused

**Pidgeon:** jsg;hkdl'fka;jlshkg

**Pidgeon:** i love flirty keith this is hilarious

**gay:** lance looks like he's gonna explode he's just kinda staring at me

**LaLaLance:** cause you said

**LaLaLance:** you said.,,,,

**Lalalance;** keith what does that mean

**gay:** i think you know exactly what i mean, cargo pilot

**HunkyMonkey:** oh shit

**Gorgeous Man:** IS IT MY TURN FOR THE GAME?

**Daddy:** Sure, Coran.

**Gorgeous Man:** MARVELOUS. NEVER HAVE I EVER "DINED AND DASHED".

**Pidgeon:**

**Daddy:**

**LaLaLance:**

**gay:**

**HunkyMonkey:**

**Queen:**

**Romellegant:**

**Mattematics:**

**Gorgeous Man:** NO ONE HAS?

**Pidgeon:** no

**Pidgoen:** that's just rude

**Romellegant:** my turn

**Romellegant:** never have i ever cheated on a significant other

**HunkyMonkey:** does seventh grade count?

**Romellegant:** yes?

**HunkyMonkey;** then i have

**LaLaLance:** you cheated on rebecca?!? with who?!

**HunkyMonkey:**..... with jenny

**LaLaLance:** HUNK

**gay:** who's jenny?

**HunkyMonkey:** the girl lance was dating at the time

**Queen:** Oh my.

**LalaLance:** hunk i can't believe you!

**HunkyMonkey:** we were in seventh grade!

**LaLaLance:** still! i thought i was in love with her!

**HunkyMonkey:** can we just move on?

**LaLaLance:** fine

 

_7:02 pm_

**Hunkules > Lancelot**

**Hunkules:** hey are you actually mad?

**Lancelot: ...** no i can't be mad at you

**Hunkules:** oh thank god

**Lancelot:** love you man

**Hunkules:** love you more.

**Lancelot:** not true but go off i guess

**Hunkules:** <3

**Lancelot:** <3

 

_7:04 pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Queen:** Never Have I Ever had sex in a moving vehicle.

**gay:** me

**HunkyMonkey:** oh me again

**HunkyMonkey:** wait do the lions count as vehicles

**Pidgeon:** w

**Pidgeon:** what

**gay:** damn guys hunk gets around

**LalaLance:** how could he not, he's a literal ray of sunshine

**Mattematics:** it's true and you should say it

**Daddy:** Hunk, when did that even happen? How did we not know?

**Romellegant:** more importantly, with who?

**Pidgoen:** *with whomst

**HunkyMonkey:**....

**gay:** hunk?

**HunkyMonkey:**.... with shay...

**LaLaLance:** o h m y g o d i fucking KNEW it

**Queen:** Oh! I didn't realize you two were together! Congratulations!

**Pidgoen:** y'all are gonna have such adorable lil rock babeys

**LaLaLance:** fuck yeah more nieces and nephews!

**HunkyMonkey:** whoa whoa whoa hold on we had sex a few times we aren't having kids calm down

**Pidgeon:** not having kids /yet/

**LaLaLance;** a FEW TIMES?!

**HunkyMonkey:** ... i meant to say one time. one time.

**Mattemtaics:** :/

**Romellegant:** suuuuure you did

**Pidgoen:** my turn now

**Mattematics:** Wait wait wait.

**Mattematics:** keith said "me" to that one too.

**Pidgeon:** shit i didn't even notice

**gay:** hmm

**Mattematics:** With who?

**gay:** james.

**Queen:** What?

**gay:** yeah. he and i used to be,,, a thing. more or less.

**Daddy:** I'm gonna punch that kid some day

**gay:** no punching necessary shiro

**Daddy:** Yes punching.

**Pidgoen:** why will there be punching

**Daddy:** he broke keith's heart

**Daddy:** he was an asshole

**Romellegant:** *is an asshole

**HunkyMonkey:** oh romelle u rite u rite

**LaLaLance:** i'm gonna kick his ass

**gay:** no it's fine don't do that

**LaLaLance:** i'm gonna

**LaLaLnce:** you don't deserve to be hurt

**LaLaLance;** e v e r

**LaLaLance;** i'm gonna kick his ASS

**Pidgeon:** protective boyfriend.jpg

**gay:** not my boyfriend

**Daddy:** Suuuure

**HunkyMonkey:** i thinkim goingot turn ni fro the night

**Pidgeon:** it's not even seven thirty?

**HunkyMonkey:** yeha btu idarnk aolt

**Mattematics:** yeah i'm bout done too

**Mattematics:** believe it or not, shiro gets drunk really easily and he's getting really crazy over here

**Daddy:** no im noT

**Mattematics:** honey you just decapitated my stuffed elephant with your laser hand and screamed "take that zarkon" at it

**gay:** pfft

**Mattematics:** yeah so we're going to bed

**Pidgoen:** lame

**Pidgoen:** gn

**Mattematics:** gn y'all

**LaLaLance:** bye matt

**Gorgeous Man:** I AM DEPARTING NOW AS WELL; I HAVE MUCH TO DO TOMORROW AND I SHOULDN'T BE HUNGOVER TO DO IT

**Pidgeon:** that's valid

**Gorgeous Man:** I BELIEVE ALLURA AND ROMELLE ARE FINISHED TOO. THEY DISAPPEARED INTO ALLURA'S ROOM A FEW MINUTES AGO AND I AM AFRAID TO FIND OUT WHAT THEY ARE DOING IN THERE.

**Pidgeon:** fglfjdo;kslaslkfg

**Pidgeon:** lance, keith, you still down to hang out?

**gay:** yeah we're in lance's room come over and we'll play video games

**Pidgeon:** okey

 

\------

 

"Shiro, please." Matt cried through his giggles as his boyfriend tackled him into the mattress. They were locked in an intense tickle war, as one often is, and Shiro had the advantage, being much larger than his scrawny significant other.

 

"You have to surrender first."

 

"Fine, I surrender, I surrender!"

 

Shiro paused in his attack and instead curled his arms around Matt, burying his head in his boyfriend's hair. Matt always smelled so nice, Shiro thought. Like honey.

 

"You smell nice." He sighed, "I want to smell you forever."

 

"Wow, you really are drunk, huh?" Matt replied easily, laughing a little.

 

"No, definitely not, I am a professional I do not get drunk."

 

"Oh sure, sure."

 

They were silent for a minute, the only sound their contented breaths and the wall clock ticking patiently towards midnight, towards another year.

 

"I have to tell you something." Shiro sighed against Matt's scalp. He sounded tired, and maybe sad. Matt didn't like when Shiro was sad.

 

"What's up?' He wiggled a little in his boyfriend's grasp until he was face to face with the other man. "You know you can tell me anything, Takashi."

 

"I-" Shiro started, before his voice caught. He cleared his throat. "I know. It's just hard to put in words."

 

"Well let's go slowly then." Matt smiled at him. Shiro swallowed, looking away from Matt's eyes.

 

"So, you remember Adam? My, uh. Ex-fiance?"

 

Matt's smile disappeared.

 

"Yeah, I know Adam."

 

"He woke up out of his coma a few weeks ago."

 

"Are you gonna visit him?" Matt asked cautiously. He remembered what it'd been like, when they'd gotten engaged. Matt liked Adam, he really did. But he liked Shiro too, he _loved--_ loves-- Shiro, and it'd torn him apart to see them so happy together. Matt wanted to be happy like that with Shiro.

 

Now he was, but if Adam came back? Would he lose that?

 

"I don't know." Shiro said earnestly, sighing again. "I'm so confused."

 

"Okay, what's confusing you? How can I help?"

 

"Um. I don't know." His grip tightened around Matt. "I think maybe. I think maybe I still love him." Matt's heart constricted, he felt like he couldn't breathe. "But I love you too. So much. I just don't know who I love more."

 

At that Matt gave pause. He was so happy with Shiro. They had date night twice a week, and movie nights on Saturdays, and Shiro made him feel warm and loved. He felt like he was home when he was with Shiro. He knew Shiro's favorite food was sushi cause it reminded him of home, he knew Shiro hated the color orange and had painted his fingernails purple everyday for two years to piss Iverson off after starting at the Garrison. He knew Shiro had nightmares, bad ones, almost every night, but he also knew how to calm him down afterwards, and how to help him through it.

 

He also knew how happy Shiro and Adam had been, how compatible, how meaningful.

 

Matt didn't want to lose Shiro. He just wanted him to be happy.

 

"We'll figure it out, Shiro. We always do." He tried, but his heart wasn't in it.

 

"No, Matt, listen." Shiro put a finger under his chin to tilt his head up, so their eyes met. "I love you. So much. I don't want. I don't want to lose this," He gestured between them, at their intertwined legs, his arm around Matt's waist, "to lose you. But I don't want to lose him either."

 

"Shiro..." Matt began, but he stopped. He didn't have anything else to say.

 

Shiro sighed, eyes drifting away again. "Do you want me to go?" He asked quietly, voice strained and wobbly.

 

Matt looked at him, and his heart almost broke. Shiro looked so... small. So tired.

 

"Stay."

**\-----**

"Open up, it's the police." Pidge called through the door, smacking their palm against the metal.

 

"Yeah yeah, hold on." Lance's voice came through, then the door was sliding open.

 

"Hey." Keith said from Lance's bed. His face was flushed, eyes a little glassy, and he was giggling softly.

**"** Jesus, Keith, how many shots did you take?"

 

"Not a lot." Kieth mumbled, grinning, while Lance corrected, "A lot."

 

"Dumbass. Whatever, let's play."

 

They played for a while, or at least Pidge and Lance did while Keith curled into Lance's side and poked at the buttons, claiming he was "helping." After a bit he fell asleep on Lance's shoulder, snoring lightly, and Pidge paused the game.

 

"We should do something about him. Think you can move him to his room?"

 

Lance glanced down at his teammate, who was drooling on his shirt. It should have been gross. It wasn't.

 

"No, he's heavy."

 

"Damn. Why'd he have to go and get all jacked with the Blade? It was funny when he was short like me. He was like five feet ten inches of pure rage." Pidge sighed. They grabbed a chip out of the bag in Lance's lap and cronched into it.

 

"He was so cute then. Now he's not really cute, per se, more... unbelievably sexy."Lance commented absent-mindedly, still looking at Keith. His hair had drifted into his face in his sleep. Lance's fingers curled into his blanket, itching to brush it away.

 

"Ugh. Gross." Pidge rolled their eyes, but there was a smile on their face. "You guy sneed to just bone already."

 

"I don't just want to bone him Pidge. I want to bone him, like emotionally. Y'know?"

 

"No, I do not know, Lance. Romance is overrated."

 

"That may be true but..." Lance looked up at them, "For him I think it's worth it."

 

Pidge blinked. Lance was smiling softly, blue eyes lit up as he turned back to Keith. He looked so... happy. Content. They'd never seen him quite like that before, even when they'd visited his family.

 

"You really love him?" They whispered softly, watching him carefully.

 

"I... Yeah. I think I do." Was all Lance said, sighing. He moved to wake Keith up.

 

"Keith. Hey." He whispered. Pidge felt like they were intruding on something intimate, something not meant for them. They sat dumbly and mute, watching in silence. "Hey man,' Lance's voice was so warm, so soft, "You gotta wake up so you can go get in bed."

 

"...Don't wanna." Keith pushed his head further into Lance's shoulder, childlike, as Lance just chuckled.

 

"Keith. Come on, man."

 

"Don't wana leave you." Keith sighed. Pidge took this a their cue to leave, standing up and brushing potato chip crumbs off their clothing before putting their controller away. Lance glanced up at them questioningly, but they just gave him a smile, whispering "good night," before letting themself out.

 

In the hallway, they paused, putting their ear to the door. It was in their nature to eavesdrop, to always need to know what was going on. It was probably related to their trust issues, as Matt so called them, what had led them to collect so much data on their teammates, especially in the beginning, documenting their weaknesses in case they had to make use of them. Pidge just wanted to protect themself, not to hurt anyone.

 

"Don't wanna go." Keith was muttering again, "Lance please don't leave me." Pidge swallowed, he sounded so broken. They knew it was just the liquor making him vulnerable, but they also knew Keith like the back of their hand. They knew he meant it.

 

"I won't leave you Keith." Lance sighed. There was some shuffling, another sigh from Keith, then the creaking of the bedsprings. "Here," Lance muttered.

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"The floor." More shuffling.

 

"Why?"

 

"Uh. Because you're in my bed?"

 

"Just stay in here. With me." Keith sounded sleepy.

 

"No... I shouldn't."

 

"Please?"

 

It was quiet for a minute, then there was another sigh, tis time form Lance, and more shuffling, The bed springs screamed again. Pidge smirked to themself; Lance was so weak for this boy.

 

"Good night." Keith sighed. Pidge turned and walked down the hallway, towards their room to work on Rover. They thought it was about time they fixed that bug that made Rover malfunction every time someone said "banana." That was weird.

 

They missed it when Lance whispered a soft "I love you" into Keith's hair before he fell asleep.

 

Keith didn't.

 

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um yeah  
> Thoughts, thots?   
>  um it didn't make it in here but i feel like it's important that you know Allura knows what a hickey is because Romelle has given her a bunch. and she's returned the favor, like the amazing girlfriend she is
> 
> leave me a comment, please? pretty please? 
> 
> also, expect more tomorrow/ Wednesday. have a wonderful day y'all!!! happy new year!!!!


	21. shit's getting real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "L-... Lance?" He breathed. Lance blinked, as if he hadn't realized Keith was actually there.
> 
> The air was still for a moment, and thick, full of a tension Keith couldn't quite name. It felt as if a single word from either of them would shatter it. The arm draped around his waist felt like lead, the scent of Lance overwhelming. Keith wanted to bury his face in the pillows, or better yet, Lance's warm chest. He held his breath, closing his eyes slowly and biting down on his lip. 
> 
> "Uh... hey." Lance mumbled, swallowing thickly. Keith couldn't stop his eyes from tracing the movement. "...Come here often?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda short? sorry. hope you are all having a marvelous 20BiTeen so far. it's what lance would have wanted
> 
> buckle up kids 
> 
> this chapter is a bumpy ride

_5:14 am January 1st_

**shiro > keith**

**shiro:** shit

**shiro:** i fucked up last night

**shiro:** i told matt i still loved adam

**shiro:** but that i still loved matt too

**shiro:** when i woke up he was gone

**shiro:** what do i do

**shiro:** keith

**shiro:** keith?

 

\-----

 

When Keith woke up, the first thought in his head was this: _Fuck._

 

The pale morning light streaming through the window slid across the floorboards towards the bed where Keith was wrapped up in... blankets? No, warmer than that. He opened his eyes, only to meet bright blue ones looking right at him.

 

Lance was staring, unblinking, right at Keith. This close Keith could see the dainty freckles dusted across his nose, the flecks of indigo in his irises, the subtle rise and fall of his chest, which was currently pressed uncomfortably close to Keith's own. There was also a tan, muscular arm wrapped tightly around his waist, that comfortable warmth Keith felt. Lance smelled like sea salt and vanilla, and it was intoxicating.

 

And he was just... staring. At Keith.

 

"L-... Lance?" He breathed. Lance blinked, as if he hadn't realized Keith was actually there.

 

The air was still for a moment, and thick, full of a tension Keith couldn't quite name. It felt as if a single word from either of them would shatter it. The arm draped around his waist felt like lead, the scent of Lance overwhelming. Keith wanted to bury his face in the pillows, or better yet, Lance's warm chest. He held his breath, closing his eyes slowly and biting down on his lip.

 

"Uh... hey." Lance mumbled, swallowing thickly. Keith couldn't stop his eyes from tracing the movement. "...Come here often?"

 

Without his permission, a dizzy laugh bubbled out of Keith, surprising them both. He couldn't help it, Lance just did that to him.

 

"No, not really." He sighed. His cheeks felt warm, why were they so warm? "Lance, why am I in your bed?"

 

"You don't remember?"

 

"Should I?" Keith asked, unsure. "All I remember is we were playing Never Have I Ever and I found out you have a tattoo."

 

"Oh... that's it?' Lance sounded... disappointed? Was Keith hearing that right?

 

"That's it." Keith confirmed, looking away from Lance, who'd leaned ever so much closer during their conversation. He was a mere few inches away now, close enough that if Keith shifted just that much, their faces would touch. He wanted to. He didn't. "Did we..." He swallowed around the words, face heating more and more by the second. Gesturing awkwardly between their bodies, he continued meekly, "... do something one might regret?" Something _one_ might regret, not something _Keith_ might regret, if it was what Lance had wanted too.

 

"Did we..." Understanding dawned slowly on Lance but when it did his face bloomed red in embarrassment, "No! No, we just... slept. You were drunk, and you didn't want to walk all the way to your room. So I offered you my bed," Lance rambled, a habit Keith noticed he fell back on whenever he was nervous. _Cute._ "And I was gonna sleep on the floor, y'know, so as not to make you uncomfortable," _Cute, cute, so cute._ "But you wanted me to sleep in the bed with you? And, well, I couldn't say no to your sad face, so like. Um. Here I am?"

 

"Here you are." Keith repeated slowly, "And here I am." He closed his eyes again, a headache beginning to spring up behind them. He felt like he couldn't breathe, everything was so loud and so bright, and why did his chest hurt? This was a lot, why was there so much light? He let out a shaky breath, bringing a palm to rub against his pounding head.

 

"Keith?" Lance said quietly, a note of concern slipping into his voice, "Are you alright?"

 

Keith shook his head, not sure how to answer.

 

"It must be the hangover. I'll go get you some water and aspirin." Lance sighed, pulling his arm slowly out from under Keith, moving away. Keith missed the warmth but didn't say so as Lance left.

 

Stilted and frail, the night before was coming back to him. Piece by piece. Hunk had cheated on his seventh grade girlfriend, had sex in the lion with Shay. Lance had a tattoo. Shiro has done cocaine?

 

He'd been playing Uno with Lance, had been messing around in ways he shouldn't have. Shit, he _really_ shouldn't have done that. He wasn't even drunk then. But Lance... did things to him. He'd been laughing, looking entirely too smug every time he won a match, and Keith couldn't let that go. Keith had relished in the surprised squeak Lance made when Keith's foot rubbed against him, or the sighing gasp he'd made when said foot moved a little too high up to be just friendly.

 

Keith remembered Pidge kicking Lance's ass in Smash while Keith curled into him, he remembered Pidge pausing the game after his eyes had slipped shut. Keith remembered, slowly, painfully, telling Lance he didn't want to go, asking Lance not to leave him. He remembered strong arms lifting him into a warm bed that smelled salty ad sweet, just like Lance, a blue quilt being pulled up around him as Lance kissed his forehead.

 

He remembered feeling safe there, shrouded by all things Lance, but that something was missing.

 

Keith remembered asking Lance to share the bed. Lance had sighed but obliged.

 

Keith remembered a whisper just as he'd drifted off, Lance's breath caressing his face as he tightened his arms around him-- " _I love you."_

Shit.

 

\-----

 

"Hey man," Lance muttered as he crept into the quiet kitchen, where Hunk was leaning dutifully over the stove, stirring what looked like oatmeal.

 

"Hey Lance," His best friend replied without looking up. "Sleep well?"

 

Lance didn't have to look at him to know there was a shit-eating grin on his face.

 

"Pidge told you?"

 

"Yup."

 

"Damnit."

 

"Lance," Hunk laughed, "You really are so deep in this shit, it's actually hilarious."

 

"Shut up," Lance could feel his face heating up. "Why did I let myself do that? Why didn't I just sleep on the floor?!"

 

"Cause you are a weak man," Hunk replied easily, turning the burner off, "And you love him."

 

"I... Shut up!" He repeated. "I woke up this morning and he was just... there. In my arms. In my _bed_ , Hunk, sighing in his sleep and like, I don't know, cuddling! With me!" He was waving his hands wildly now, flopping onto an empty barstool as he went on, "And he's _so pretty_ , it's unfair! Have you _seen_ him, Hunk? How are you not in love with him? How is everyone not in love with him?!"

 

"I don't like boys," Hunk reminded Lance, setting the pot down on the table and reaching for the cabinet where the bowls were kept, "And therefore I don't like Keith. But yeah, guy is really pretty. Go on."

 

"It felt like he was supposed to be there! I'm fucking screwed, man!"

 

"Lance." Hunk cut in, "Just breathe for a minute." He put a hand on Lance's shoulder, "you are not screwed. You need to talk to him, dude. If you don't, it's gonna end up tearing you apart."

 

"I- I will."

 

"Soon." Hunk reprimanded.

 

"....Soon." Lance sighed, moving towards the fridge to grab a bottle of water. He turned back to Hunk to find his holding out two bowls of oatmeal and a bottle of Advil.

 

"Thought you might need these."

 

"Thanks man." He took the bowls, and the bottle, juggling it all in his arms as he headed back to his room, where unbeknownst to him, Keith had just stumbled upon last night's memories.

 

\-----

_9:02 am_

**takashi > matti**

**takashi:** matt

**takashi:** can we talk?

**matti:** yeah.

**takashi:** um. alright.

**takashi:**

**matti:** so. last night.

**takashi:** last night.

**takashi:** i know i was drunk but... matt i meant it.

**takashi:** i love adam. but i love you too.

**takashi:** this is so confusing

**matti:** why did you tell me this, shiro? did you tell me just to hurt me?

**takashi:** no! of course not!

**matti:** then why?

**matti:** because this hurts

**matti:** shiro i love you. more than anyone or anything in this universe

**matti:** it killed me when you and adam got together. but i wanted you to be happy. that's always what i've wanted, because you deserve the world

**matti:** and i want to be with you.

**matti:** but if it's /him/ you love, and not me?

**matti:** then he's who you should be with

**matti:** even if it hurts me

**takashi:** matt no

**takashi:** matt i love you

**takashi:** i don't know what to do

**matti:** you're a smart man, shiro

**matti:** always have been

**matti:** you'll figure it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw fuck  
> I con't believe i've done this
> 
> these gays? getting their shit together? in this chapter? bitch you thought
> 
> writing that lil angst for shatt actually broke my heart i shed a few thug tears on my computer screen
> 
> don't worry tho the next chapter is gonna be..... something. look out.
> 
> it should be hitting you guys soon, real soon
> 
> have a wonderful day!!!!!


	22. klance klance revolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keef: anyway when i was falling asleep,,,
> 
> keef: i thought i heard you say something
> 
> lancey:
> 
> lancey: shit
> 
> ummm you know what's about to go down

"Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck_ \--" Keith cursed, storming down the hallway towards Pidge's room. "Pidge! Pidge!"

            "What the fuck?" The door opened and a sleep-ridden Pidge poked their head out from their room. "Keith, what the fuck?"

            "He said. He said he loved me. Pidge. He said--"

            "Who said? Keith slow down." They wrapped their tiny fingers around his wrist and tugged him into the room, slamming the door. "Start from the beginning."

            "Okay--" Keith collapsed onto Pidge's bed, ignoring their cry of "Get off, I just washed the sheets!" and continued breathlessly, "So you know how I was drunk last night and stayed in Lance's room?"

            "Yeah?"

            "I didn't remember much at first but then it started to come back to me and Pidge, Pidge, _Pidge_ he said he loved me. I think he thought I was asleep but he _said_ it, Pidge, I swear, and--" Pidge held their hand up, silencing him.

            "Are you sure? Are you sure he actually said that, and that it wasn't some drunk lucid dream or some shit? Cause that shit happens, dude, believe me. This one time, Matt drank a shitload of beer at this party my dad's coworker was having, and he dreamed that the and Bob Ross were married and they had like six kids, all also named Bob Ross, and--"

            "Pidge, as much as I'd love to hear about Matt's babies, I'm having a bit of a crisis here. I just had half a panic attack on Lance's bed and then bolted." Keith sighed. "Why would he say that?"

            "Well, if he thought you were asleep he was probably being honest, right? Lance likes to say what's on his mind, and that was probably the best way he found to do so."

            "Yeah, I guess." He rolled his shoulders, popping the joints in his back.

            "If that's what happened, why are you here? Why aren't you in his room smooching his guts out?"

            Keith paused. They made a fair point.

            "I... panicked."

            "Dumbass." Pidge pushed their glasses further up their nose, "Knowing Lance, he's probably freaking out right now. You should go find him. Tell him you love him too, blah blah blah."

            He started to protest, but came up short. Pidge was right. They usually were. "I...Should do that."

            "Yeah. So what're you waiting for, loverboy? Go get him!"

 

\------

 

_10:01 am_

**keef > lancey**

**keef:** hey

**lancey:** hey

**lancey:** where'd you go?

**keef:** i um

**keef:** i freaked out a little

**lancey:** oh. are you okay? is there any way i can help you?

**keef:** it's um.

**keef:** i gotta talk to you about something

**lancey:** okay, i'll meet you somewhere?

**keef:** no i can't do this if you're looking at me

**lancey:** um?

**lancey:** sorry? i guess?

**lancey:** are you mad at me?

**keef:** no

**keef:** it's not that

**keef;** very much the opposite

**keef:** i

**keef:** sorry i'm not good at this

**keef:** i don't know how to say this

**keef:** cause you're really my dearest friend

**keef:**

**lancey:** oh....kay. then go slow.

**keef:** well.

**keef:** you know yesterday?

**lancey:** the day before today...hmm... rings a bell

**keef:** lance

**lancey:** sorry sorry

**keef:** so um

**keef:** last night? when i stayed in your bed?

**lancey:** oh my god did i scare you away i'm sorry oh my god

**lancey:** i should have said no when you asked me

**lancey:** you looked so sad when i said no i'm sorry

**lancey:** i'm so sorry keith

**keef:** no no it's not that

**lancey:** i'm sorry if i made you uncomfortable

**keef:** no it's not that

**keef:** i wasn't uncomfortable

**keef:** i was actually,,, really comfortable

**lancey:** ,,,,okay,,,,

**keef:** um and when i was falling asleep

**keef:** y'know, cradled in your arms

**lancey:** oh my god let it go

**keef:** i will never let it go

**keef:** you can pry that bonding moment from my cold dead hands

**lancey:** sigh.

**lancey:** go off i guess

**keef:** anyway when i was falling asleep,,,

**keef:** i thought i heard you say something

**lancey:**

**lancey:** shit

**keef:** i thought i heard you say,,,, "i love you"

**keef;** did that,,,, happen?

**lancey:**

**lancey:**

**lancey:** yeah. it happened.

**keef:** oh,,,kay. why?

**lacney:** what do you mean, why?

**keef:** i mean

**keef:** is it true?

**lancey:**

**lancey:** yeah

**lancey:** i meant it

**keef:** you did?

**lancey:** um. yeah. i just said that

**keef:**

**keef:** where would you happen to be?

**lancey:** huh?

**keef:** where are you right now?

**lancey:** i'm in my room

**lancey:** why?

**lancey:** keith?

 

\-----

 

            Lance was borderline panicking when there was a knock on his door. He was sitting on his bed, phone abandoned in his lap, eyes closed. Keith had stopped responding to him, which could only be a bad sign. He'd really fucked this up. Why did he say that? Why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut? Of course Keith wasn't asleep, he shouldn't have assumed he was. He'd gone an fucked it up so badly.

            He stood and readjusted his shirt before moving to open the door.

            Keith was on the other side.

            Lance blinked slowly at Keith, whose eyes were wild, chest heaving. He looked like he'd run here, but he was.... smiling?

            "Keith--" Lance started, but he was cut off as Keith put his hands on his shoulders and pushed him back into the room, the door closing behind him. "What're you--"

            "I'm gonna kiss you now. Is that okay?"

            Lance paused, the back of his knees hitting the side of his bed. He sank onto the mattress, Keith landing unceremoniously in his lap. Lance felt like his head was spinning, he couldn't breathe, his lungs were so full of Keith, whose knees landed beside Lance's hips. Keith was looking down at him, cheeks flushed a pretty pink now, his face so close to Lance's own.

            "Y-Yeah, that's more than okay, that's awesome, that's optimal, that's preferred, that's--" Lance stuttered, words catching in his throat.

            Keith smirked a little, leaning down with a muttered, "Shut up."

            Lance felt like fireworks were exploding in his chest and over his skin and Keith's lips met his. He pushed softly against his mouth, a sigh escaping Keith. Lance'd never known he could feel so _warm_ , he felt like he was being set on fire from within. Keith's hands were on his neck, sliding down his back, shivers trailing in their wake down his spine. Everywhere Keith touched was like a supernova, Lance felt like he was gonna melt.

            Keith pulled away, smiling gently at him, "This okay?" His thumbs slipped under the hem of Lance's shirt, making small circles against his skin.

            "Yes, perfectly, okay." Lance smiled shyly back, "More please."

            Keith broke out laughing, tucking his forehead into the crook of Lance's neck. He could feel the little breaths hitting his skin.

            "You got it," Keith said, pressing his lips against Lance's again.

 

\-----

 

            "Where are the Black and Red paladins?" Iverson sighed, looking at Team Voltron, or what he could find of them, who were gathered in one of the conference rooms. Iverson had wanted to check in with them all about what the next steps might be. He'd notified all of them a week ago, and they had all responded yes. So where were those two?

            "Maybe they slept in?" Shiro tried, shrugging.

            "Oh no, they definitely did not." Pidge replied nonchalantly, picking at their nails. "I talked to Keith this morning."

            "And I talked to Lance." Hunk chimed in.

            "Well then, where are they?!" Iverson demanded, throwing his hands up.

            No one had an answer.

 

\-----

 

            " _Keith_ ," Lance sighed against his mouth, as Keith's hands moved against his neck. " _Dios mios--"_

            "Would the Black and Red Paladins please report to the conference room?"

            "Shit--" Keith pulled away from Lance a few inches to catch his breath. "I guess we should--"

            "Would the Black and Red Paladins _please_ report to the conference room?"

            "Alright, alright!" Lance shouted, tilting his head up to shout at the intercom in the ceiling. Keith's eyes were drawn to the tan column of his throat, he wanted to kiss it, he wanted to kiss his lips, his shoulders, his neck, his everything--

            "Would the Black and Red Paladins please report--" The intercom was cut off as Keith threw his Blade at the panel on the wall.

            "That's enough of that." He grumbled, smirking back at Lance. "Where were we?" He attached his mouth to the juncture of Lance's neck and shoulder.

            "Mph-- Keith-- we should probably go down there--"

            "Don't wanna. This is better."

            "Keith--"

            "System Override. Would the Black and Red Paladins please report to the conference room?"

            "Oh my _god_."

 

\----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it was short and shitty. life is rough rn.
> 
> how do y'all feel about this? i've never written any kissing or anything so like. :/
> 
> comments, please? they'd be really nice right now 
> 
> have a nice day.


	23. bottoms up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vewwonica: it's happening it's happening THIS IS NOT A DRILL  
> vewwonica: i repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL
> 
> or-- i'm back on my bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iron workers of america iron workers of america IRON WORKERS OF AMERICA

_2:37 pm_

**veronica > keith**

**veronica:** hey keith

**keith:** yeah?

**veronica:** what's your middle name?

**keith:** akira

**keith:** or yorak. my mom keeps insisting it's yorak but it's akira on my birth certificate

**veronica:** cool. in that case:

**veronica:** KEITH YORAK AKIRA KOGANE WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BROTHER

**keith:** what?

**veronica:** i know you did /something/

**veronica:** i've never seen him so happy

**veronica:** it's like he's floating

**veronica:** so what did you do?

**keith:** nothing

**veronica:** nothing?

**keith:** i mean

**keith:** i did

**keith:** kiss him

**keith:**

**keith:** a lot.

**veronica:** !!!!!

**veronica:** hold up

 

_2:46 pm_

**Operation Klance**

**vewwonica:** GUYS

_Vewwonica added **kogayne** to the chat!_

**kogayne:** the fuck is this?

**vewwonica:** oh don't act surprised

**vewwonica:** just shut up and spill

**Pidgoen:** tea?

**vewwonica:** it's happening it's happening THIS IS NOT A DRILL

**vewwonica:** i repeat, THIS IS NOT A DRILL

**Queen:** What is going on exactly?

**Romellegant:** tea tea tea

**HunkyMonkey:** someone tell me what's going on

**vewwonica:** keith s p i l l i t

**vewwonica:** i want d e t a i l s

**vewwonica:** stat

**kogayne:** okay um

**kogayne:** first of all, it's a little weird that you guys have a chat named "operation klance." that's like.

**kogayne:** a little creepy

**Pidgoen:** `\\(*-*)/`

**Kogayne:**

**Pidgeon:** give us the tea keith

**kogayne:** fine

**kogayne:** so uh

**kogayne:** remember on new year's when we were playing never have i ever?

**HunkyMonkey:** yeah?

**kogayne:** i was,,, drunk

**Romellegant:** uh oh

**kogayne** : and like apparently i made lance cuddle with me

**Pidgeon:** "made" is a strong word

**Pidgeon:** i am 100% certain he would do literally a n y t h i n g you asked

**Pidgeon:** including shave his head

**Pidgeon:** which you should totally ask him to do because that'd be fucking hilarious my dude

**Pidgeon:** but continue

**kogayne:** right

**kogayne:** so we were cuddling? and uhhhhh lemme just say he is really fucking warm for the record

**kogayne:** so jot that the fuck down

**kogayne:** so then uh

**HunkyMonkey:** wait wait w a i t WAIT

**kogayne:** ?

**HunkyMonkey:** who was the little spoon?

**kogayne:** seriously?

**Mattematics:** yes keith seriously

**Mattematics:** this is very important there are twenty bucks on the line

**Mattematics:** do you know how many cheetos i could buy with twenty bucks, keith?

**Mattematics:** D O Y O U ????

**Mattematics:** not to mention i don't have twenty bucks if i lose

**HunkyMonkey:** which you will

**vewwonica:** keith just tell us who was little spoon and continue i need deets

**kogayne:**

**kogayne:** i was little spoon

**Pidgeon:** TEA

**HunkyMonkey:** i KNEW it!

**Mattematics:** damn it!

**HunkyMonkey:** face it man, i know lance better than anybody

**Mattematics:** ....

**Mattematics:** ....someone lend me twenty dollars

**Romellegant:** okay but the real question is

**Romellegant:** who's the bottom

**vewwonica:** yeah keith who's gonna bottom??

**kogayne:** um?

**kogayne:** uh

**HunkyMonkey:** oh don't even act like you haven't thought about it

**HunkyMonkey;** we've all seen the way you stare at him during training

**Queen:** And the rest of the time.

**Queen:** It is amazingly obvious that you would like to, as it is called, "tap that."

**Pidgeon:** difgljdhkf;'s

**takashi:** What did I just walk into?

**Romellegant:** we're finding out if your brother is a top or bottom

**takashi:** oh pfft.

**takashi:** Have you met Keith?

**takashi:** He's the brattiest bottom in the history of bottoms.

**Romellgant:** no printer, just fax

**Pidgoen:** fghdfjlks;a';'

**vewwonica:** owo what's THIS

**HunkyMonkey:** damn

**Queen:** Exposed

**Kogayne:**

**_Kogayne_ ** _left the chat!_

**Pidgeon:** oh no you don't

_Pidgeon added **Kogayne** to the chat!_

**vewwonica:** spill the tea

**vewwonica:** you bottom

**kogayne:** i hate you all

**HunkyMonkey:** suuuure you do

**Pidgeon:** anyway on with the story

**kogayne:** uh yeah so we were cuddling and i was like,,, almost asleep and he?

**kogayne:** whispered? that he? loved? me?

**vewwonica:** he wH A T

**kogayne:** i think he thought i was asleep but like,,,,, i Was Not Asleep

**Pidgeon:** you were a fucking mess

**HunkyMonkey:** you knew about this and you didn't tell us??

**HunkyMonkey:** pidge how could you?!

**Pidgeon:** mm.

_Pidgeon changed **HunkyMonkey** 's name to **betrayal.jpg**_

**vewwonica:** wksjglkdh;gfsa

**betrayal.jpg:** as the name suggests, i am

**betrayal.jpg:** betrayed.

**Romellegant:** keith go on

**kogayne:** so i uhhhhhhhh

**kogayne:** asked him about it

**takashi:** Keith? Talking about feelings? What the fuck?

**Pidgeon:** dfjgsk;dfla;

**betrayal.jpg:** dad said a bad word

**takashi:** Again, I'm? Not your dad.

**Mattematics:** suuuuuuuuure you aren't takashi

**takashi:**

_3:16pm_

**shirt > matte**

**shirt:** you? called me takashi again

**shirt:** you haven't done that since new years

**shirt:** except for when we had that Serious Conversation

**matte:** uhhhhh yeah

**matte:** we'll talk about it later

**matte:** i have something to say

**shirt;** uhhhh???

**shirt:** what is it?

**matte:**

**shirt:** matt please

**shirt:** you know i have anxiety

**matte:** it's not bad.

**matte:** so don't freak out about it

**shirt:** o,,,,kay

 

_3:18pm_

**Operation Klance**

**kogayne:** so i texted him and asked what that was all about and he? said he meant it?

**kogayne:** and then i accidentally didn't respond cause i was running

**betrayal.jpg:** running? what?

**kogayne:** to his room

**vewwonica:** is that why i saw you /hauling ass/ down the entire facility

**kogayne:** yeah

**kogayne:** and then we made out for like. a long time

**Pidgeon:** gross but go off i guess

**kogayne:** and then uhhh we had to go to that meeting

**Pidgeon:** oh yeah

**vewwonica;** you both looked really shook when you got there

**betrayal.jpg:** and disheveled

**kogayne:** yah things were kinda spicy

**Pidgeon:** again, GROSS but go off i GUESS

**kogayne:** it was very much

**kogayne:** ,,,,,not gross,,,,,

**takashi:** Keith you are my brother please stop

**vewwonica:** hgjlfks;dl;

**Gorgeous Man:** AH YOUNG LOVE

**Pidgeon:** sdhfsdgjkmfs coran when are you fixing your capslock

**Gorgeous Man:** NEVER, IT SEEMS.

**Mattematics:** okay but

**Mattematics:** who won this bet

**Pidgeon:** technically lance confessed first

**Pidgeon:** but keith acted first

**Pidgeon:**

**Pidgeon:** shit

**Pidgeon:** idk dude

**Pidgeon:** let's call it a tie?

**Mattematics:** damnit

**Mattematics:** i'm out twenty dollars now

**Mattematics:** hunk dude i really don't have any money to pay up

**betrayal.jpg:** that's alright

**betrayal.jpg:** i can think of other ways you can pay me back

**Pidgeon:** hgdjfsdkla;

**Romellegant:** ominous

**Romellegant:** i love it

**Mattematics:** okay but lowkey?

**Mattematics:** that would have been sexy if you weren't so disgustingly straight

**betrayal.jpg:** fair

**kogayne:** wait

**kogayne:** you guys were betting on when lance and i would get together?

**Pidgeon:** of course

**kogayne:**

**kogayne:** understandable have a nice day.

**Mattematics:** fjhgdfkls;

 

\-----

 

            Keith looked up from his phone as someone knocked on his open door. It was Lance, with a sheepish smile and balancing a tray of food.

            "I uh," He started, cheeks tinging red in the most adorable way, "I didn't see you at lunch so I thought I'd bring you something."

            Keith couldn't help the grin in his face as he said, "That's very thoughtful of you. But Shiro and I ended up eating in his room. We had some stuff to talk about."

            "Oh." Lance breathed, and he sounded disappointed.

            "But," Keith found himself saying, "I'd like your company?"

            The other boy noticeably brightened at that, "You would?"

            "Definitely."

 

\-----

 

_6:52 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

_Lancito sent eleven (11) photos!_

**Daddy:** How did you even get keith to pose for that many pictures?

**James:** how did you even get him to show up?

**James:** I thought vampires didn't show up in pictures

**Daddy:** Cadet.

**James:**

**James:** sorry.

**Pidgeon:** asfjhdgkls;

**Lancito:** guess who has a boyfriend

**Incredible Hunk:** keith.

**Lancito:**

**Lancito:** well yeah

**Lancito:** but guess who it is?!

**Pidgeon:** you.

**Lancito:** ~me ~

**Lancito:** wait how did you know that

**Pidgeon:** long story

 

_7:16pm_

**keitten > bicon**

**keitten:** lance

**bicon:** yes babe?

**keitten:**

**keitten:**

**bicon:** keith? you there?

**keitten:**

**bicon:** keith?

**keitten:** uhh yeah

**keitten:** i'm here

**bicon:** ?

**keitten:** you? called me babe

**bicon:** do you not want me to?

**keitten:** nonono i very much want you too

**bicon:** hmm

**bicon:** noted.

**bicon:** ;)

**keitten:**

**bicon:** anyway what's up?

**keitten:** what about your alien princess?

**bicon:**

**bicon:** what do you mean?

**keitten:** you said,,, you were in love with a beautiful alien princess

**bicon:** i did.

**keitten:** so?

**bicon:** keith you adorable dumbass

**bicon:** you're my beautiful alien princess.

**keitten:**

**keitten:**

**keitten:**

**keitten:**

**keitten:**

**keitten:**

**keitten:** ....

**keitten:** ...oh.

 

_8:23 pm_

**sasquach > tasmanian devil**

**sasquach:** PIDGE

**tasmanian devil:** oh for the love of fuck---

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keith is 100% a bratty bottom and i will exclaim it until i go down in flames  
> (also i could accept the hc that they're both vers.)
> 
> uh?? i don't have much else to say. expect more shiro-matt talks in the next chapter  
> and the mfes other than veronica will come back. eventually. idk man
> 
> and krolia soon :)
> 
> uhhhhhhhh what else
> 
> this work has 69 bookmarks. let's get it to 420?
> 
> um follow me on tumblr? here it is, my wonderful [tumblr](https://angryjane.tumblr.com/)  
> it's mostly marvel, voltron, and she ra. plus memes and shitposts and a whole lotta gay. check it out.
> 
> also I? love all of you.
> 
> have a nice day.


	24. i want to see my little boy (here he comes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 10:03 am  
> Unknown Number > Adam   
> Unknown Number: Is this Adam?  
> Adam: yes. who's asking?  
> Unknown Number: Uh. Hi Adam.  
> Unknown Number: It's Shiro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasp* Adam!

_12:41 am_

**matte > shirt**

**matte:** shiro

**matte:** takashi

**matte:** you up?

**shirt:** yeah

**matte:** i wanna talk

**shirt:**

**shirt:** oh god

**matte:** ?

**shirt:** you hate me now

**shirt:** you're leaving me

shirt: you realized you're too good for me

**shirt:** i was confused and it cost me

**shirt:** oh god

**shirt:** i don't know what i'm gonna do without you

**shirt:** oh GDO

**matte:** shiro no

**shirt:** i can't believe i did this

**shirt:** it's my own fault

**shirt:** i'm so sorry matt

**shirt:** oh god

**matte:** shiro

**shirt:** i cna't,,,

**shirt:** i thikn im gnona die wtihout yuo

**shirt:** thsi is,,,

**shirt:** ic an't,,,,

**matte:** takashi calm down for a second

**matte:** i'm not leaving you

**matte:** so like,,, breathe

**shirt:** ,,,,

**shirt:** you're nto?

**matte:** no

**matte:** you lovable dumbass

**matte:** i was just gonna say

**matte:** i think you should visit adam

**shirt:** uhhhhhhh

**matte:** and talk to him

**matte:** so that the three of us can figure this out.

**matte:** together.

**shirt:**

**shirt:** he probably doesn't want to see me

**shirt:** i mean,, i did leave

**shirt:** for a long time

**matte:** oh don't be stupid, shiro

**matte:** of course he wants to see you

**shirt:** you think so?

**matte:** yes you idiot

**matte:** lemme tell you,, it's fucking impossible /not/ to be in love with you, you jerk

**matte:** trust me i tried

**shirt:**

**shirt:** oh

**matte:** yeah

**shirt:** matt?

**matte:** yeah?

**shirt:** i hope you know,,, um, even when i was with adam, i never wanted you to feel left out and i never wanted you to feel second-best

**shirt:** you aren't second-best

**shirt:** you're like,,,, first-best

**matte:** how eloquent of you

**shirt:** oh hush

**shirt:** i just want you to know that

**shirt:** you'll always be first-best to me

**matte:**

**matte:**

**matte:** okay, so i /may/ be crying in the club--

**shirt:** me too

**matte:**

**matte:** shiro?

**matte:** can i come snuggle the fuck outta you?

**shirt:** please do

_10:03 am_

**Unknown Number > Adam **

**Unknown Number:** Is this Adam?

**Adam:** yes. who's asking?

**Unknown Number:** Uh. Hi Adam.

**Unknown Number:** It's Shiro.

**Adam:**

**Adam:** hi.

**Unknown Number:** Hi.

**Adam:**

**Unknown Number:** So.

**Adam:** okay first of all--

**Adam:** cut the shit with the capitalization shiro i know you better than that--

**Unknown Number:** sorry

**Adam:** second of all,

**Adam:** be prepared for the biggest bitch-slap of your life when i see you

**Unknown Number:** that's fair.

**Adam:** and third of all--

**Adam:** what the fuck takashi

**Unknown Number:** um?

**Adam:** what did i tell you not to do?

**Unknown Number:** uh

**Adam:** W H A T DID I T E L L YOU?

**Unknown Number:** ... not to die in space

**Adam:** and WHAT did you do?

**Unknown Number:**....

**Unknown Number:** ...die in space.

**Adam:** exactly

**Adam:** and then you come back with more muscles, white hair, a new arm and like ten kids? wtf?

**Unknown Number:** oh my god they are /not/ my kids why does everyone say that--

**Adam:** oh please shiro

**Adam:** i haven't even seen you with them and i /k n o w/ they're your kids

**Adam:** side note, i met that lance kid and i fucking love him he's MY kid now so BACK OFF, but that's not the point

**Adam:** the point IS

**Adam:** i'm??? lowkey pissed at you

**Adam:** actually

**Adam:** scratch that,

**Adam:** i'm HIGHKEY pissed at you

**Unknown Number:** that's valid

**Unknown Number:** but please understand, i didn't do any of this on purpose

**Unknown Number:** i was thrown into this life; i just did what needed to be done

**Adam:** poetic.

**Unknown Number:** and i don't expect you to accept this or forgive me, i just wanted you to know,

**Unknown Number:** i'm sorry i hurt you

**Unknown Number:** i never meant to

**Unknown Number:** as lance would say, "it just be that way."

**Adam:**

**Adam:**

**Adam:** ...takashi.....

**Unknown Number:** yes?

**Adam:** .... never say that to me again

**Unknown Number:** oh my god

**Adam:** i cannot believe i just saw the words "it be that way" come from you i feel like i've witnessed the apocalypse forget the coma and the alien invasion this is the real shit

**Unknown Number:** sigh

**Adam:** wait

_Adam changed Unknown NUmber's name to **Home Wrecker**_

**Home Wrecker:** adam--

**Home Wrecker:** why

**Adam:** tell me i'm wrong tho

**Home Wrecker:**

**Adam:** thought so, bitch

**Home Wrecker:** anyway

**Home Wrecker:** that's what i came here to tell you

**Adam:** technically you didn't "come here"

**Adam:** you just texted me

**Adam:** like a coward

**Home Wrecker:** ....

**Adam:** you're just afraid of getting slapped huh

**Adam:** bitchboy

**HomeWrecker:** adam why 

**Adam:** idk man

**Adam:** why'd you get kidnapped by aliens

**Home Wrecker:**

**Adam:** guess we all do things we can't explain

**Home Wrecker:**

**Adam:** real talk tho

**Adam:** i know it wasn't your fault

**Adam:** but

**Adam:** but that shit hurted

**Adam:** a l o t

**Adam:** like, a LOT

**Adam:** still does sometimes

**Adam:** takashi, i thought you were dead

**Adam:** never coming back

**Adam:** and it fucking killed me

**Adam:** but then? you? sent me a fucking video recording? from the void?

**Adam:** and i was like,

**Adam:** the fuck am i supposed to do now?

**Adam:** and now you're back

**Adam:** and still like unfairly sexy btw so kudos to you on that

**Adam:** and you saved the fucking universe?

**Adam:** the fuck is up with that?

**Home Wrecker:** i'm sorry that i put you through that

**Adam:** i know it wasn't your fault really, but still--

**Adam:** it fucking sucked with a capital SUCKED

**Home Wrecker:** i want to make things better

**Adam:** okay but

**Adam:** matt.

**Home Wrecker:** ...matt.

**Adam:** y'all are like,,,,, together now, huh

**Home Wrecker:** yeah.

**Adam:** y'all are mushing

**Adam:** canoodling

**Adam:** bumpin' booties

**Adam:** doing the Dance With No Pants

**Adam:** fucking, if you will

**Home Wrecker:** yeah

**Home Wrecker:** we are..... doing that.

**Adam:** awesome

**Adam:** good for you

**Home Wrecker:** yeah

**Adam:**

**Home Wrecker:**

**Adam:** okay but

**Home Wreker:** but?

**Adam:** i want to do that with you

**Home Wrecker:** you

**Home Wrecker:** what?

**Adam:** shiro

**Adam:** you know i still love you, right?

**Home Wrecker:**

**Home Wrecker:**

**Home Wrecker:**

**Home Wrecker:** oh.

**Home Wrecker:** hold on

**Adam:** um?

**Adam:** okay?

 

_10:32 am_

**shirt > matte**

_shirt sent seven (7) screenshots!_

**shirt:** m a t t

**matte:** oh shit

**matte:** uh

**matte:** what are you gonna do?

**shirt:** i don't know!

**shirt:** what do i say?

**matte:** well, how do you feel about him?

**matte:** you told me,,, you still love him

**matte:** tell him that

**shirt:** but,,,

**shirt:** you.

**shirt:** i love you too.

**matte:** i know you do takashi

**matte:** no reason why you can't love us both

**shirt:**

**shirt:** what.

**matte:** i mean,,,,

**matte:** legally? you are required to tell someone when you love them

**shirt:** not how it works but go off i guess--

**matte:** so tell him

**matte:** either way, you and i will be okay shiro

**shirt:** really?

**matte:** really.

**matte:** i love you, takashi.

**shirt:** i love you too, matt.

**shirt:** more than you know

 

_10:41 am_

**Home Wrecker > Adam**

**Home Wrecker:** so uh

**Adam:** oh you're back

**Adam:** i'm guessing you ran off to talk to matt?

**Home Wrecker:** uh yeah

**Home Wrecker:** how did you know?

**Adam:** it's almost like i was your fiancee or something

**Home Wrecker:** oh.

**Adam:** yeah

**Adam:** anyway what's he say?

**Home Wrecker:** uhhhhhhhh

**Home Wrecker:** well like

**Home Wrecker:** i told him before about how i love him but like i also love you and like

**Home Wrecker:** how i'm freaking the fuck out

**Home Wrecker:** about it

**Home Wrecker:** but he said

**Home Wrecker:** that i should tell you that i love you too

**Home Wrecker:** because i do

**Home Wrecker:** i love you, adam

**Home Wrecker:** still.

**Adam:**

**Adam:**

**Adam:** ....

**Adam:** deadass?

**Home Wrecker:** deadass

**Adam:** huh.

**Adam:** well uh

**Adam:** cool

**Home Wrecker:** yeah. cool

**Adam:**

**Home Wrecker:**

**Adam:**

**Home Wrecker:**

**Home Wrecker:** now what?

**Adam:** now

**Adam:** now you give me matt's new number

**Adam:** so he and i can chat

**Home Wrecker:** uh sure

**Home Wrecker:** {###-###-####}

**Home Wrecker:** please don't do anything weird

**Adam:** blasphemy!

**Adam:** i would n e v e r

_10:54 am_

**Unknown Number > mattematics**

**Unknown Number:** meet me behind the denny's at four o'clock

**Unknown Number:** gonna fight for my man

**mattematics:**

_10:54 am_

**matte > shirt**

_matte sent one (1) screenshot!_

**matte:** this him?

**shirt:** yeah that's him.

 

_10:55 am_

_Mattematics added takashi and Adam to the chat!_

_mattematics renamed the chat **Let's Settle This Like (Gay) Men**_

_mattematics changed their name to **Paper**_

_mattematics changed Adam's name to **Scissors**_

_mattematics changed takashi's name to **Rock**_

**Paper:** let's get this bread

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so um. yeah. the next chapter is the second half of this.
> 
> sorry the others weren't in this one. they might not be in the next one either. sorry. :( but they'll come back soon 
> 
> how do y'all like Adam? tell me in the comments!
> 
> uhhhh i don't got much else to day. have a wonderful day/night and don't forget to spit milk into the void. she's watching.


	25. rock paper scissor SHOOT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scissors: matt  
> Scissors: MATT  
> Paper: yes adam?  
> Scissors: I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU  
> Paper: ghjfdksdaml;

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's so short i wrote it in twenty minutes whilst simultaneously doing my history homework
> 
> also sorry if i ruined rock paper scissors for you. or breadsticks.

_10:58 am_

**Let's Settle This Like (Gay) Men**

**Paper:** hello adam

**Scissors:** hello matt

**Paper:** lovely to see you alive and well

**Paper:** or as well as any of us can be after fighting an intergalactic war

**Scissors:** same to you

**Scissors:** allow me to thank you for taking care of takashi in space, as you inevitably did

**Paper:** it was my pleasure

**Scissors:** i must also say,

**Scissors:** the new muscles are really a good look on you matt

**Paper:** oh thank you!

**Paper:** you aren't looking too bad yourself

**Paper:** you've got the sexy school teacher look going for you

**Scissors:** hmm don't you have a boyfriend matt?

**Scissors:** might have to punish you for that comment

**Paper:** please do

**Rock:** w

**Rock:** wh,,

**Rock:** what is happening

**Paper:** shhh shiro the adults are talking

**Rock:** wh,,, what

**Paper:** anyways adam there's a reason you're scissors and i'm paper;

**Paper:** i'd love for you to cut me open

**Rock:** WHAT

**Scissors:** mmm i'd like that too

**Rock:** WHAT IS HAPPENING

**Scissors:** and dear shiro must be Rock because you wrap around him and i sure wouldn't mind if he smashed me

**Paper:** oh ofc

**Rock:** W H A T TH E F U C K

**Scissors:** matt i like you

**Paper:** likewise

**Scissors:** so i propose

**Scissors:** we share shiro

**Scissors:** and he shares us

**Paper:** sounds like a plan

**Rock:** UHHHH

**Paper:** sound good to you shiro?

**Scissors:** yeah, you in takashi?

**Scissors:** otherwise matt and i just might ditch you and have some fun ourselves ;)

**Rock:** hold on

**Rock:** what exactly are you suggesting

**Paper:** shiro honey

**Paper:** all three of us

**Paper:** together

**Scissors:** in what we in the business like to call a Relationship (patent pending)

**Paper:** of the Polyamorous variety

**Rock:** poly,,,, what

**Paper:** "Polyamory is the practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the consent of all partners involved."

**Scissors:** polyamory is lit

**Rock:**

**Rock:** gimme a minute

**Rock:**

**Rock:**

**Rock:**

**Rock:**

**Rock:** okay

**Scissors:** okay?

**Rock:** that sounds,,,,, nice

**Paper:** awesome possum

**Paper:** in that case let's go on our first date as a thruple

**Rock:** a what

**Scissors:** yeah i don't like thruple

**Paper:** fine a threesome

**Paper:** wait no

**Rock:** yeah not that

**Scissor:** the three musketeers

**Paper:** yesssssss

**Rock:** no.

**Rock:** i veto

**Paper:** i would try to go against you but you're the top in this relationship so

**Paper:** fine

**Scissors:** let's go to dinner at seven

**Scissors:** olive garden is calling my name

**Rock:** matt once deep-throated one of their breadsticks in public

**Scissors:** matt

**Scissors:** MATT

**Paper:** yes adam?

**Scissors:** I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU

**Paper:** ghjfdksdaml;

**Rock:** oh my god

**Rock:** see you losers at seven

**Paper:** <3

**Scissors:** <3

 

_11:34 am_

**broooo > kiddo**

**broooo:** hey keith

**broooo:** KEITH

**kiddo:** what.

**broooo:** i have so much to tell you

**kiddo:** ?

_broooo sent fourteen (14) screenshots_

**kiddo:**

**kiddo: /** fucking finally/

**broooo:** i'm?? crying a little i'm so relieved

**kiddo:** honestly i can't believe you never thought of this

**broooo:** i thought it had to be a choice

**kiddo:** i'm happy for you

**kiddo:** i'm happy for all three of you

**broooo:**

**broooo:** now i'm crying MORE keith why did you

**broooo:** ugh

**broooo:** i need a nap

**kiddo:** you've only been up for an hour?

**broooo:** it's been a busy hour

**broooo:** good night

**kiddo:** wait

**broooo:** what

**kiddo:** can i tell the others?

**broooo:** oh uhhhhh

**broooo:** not yet?

**broooo:** matt and adam might not want to yet

**broooo:** we'll tell them soon though

**kiddo:** got it

**kiddo;** sweet dreams asshole

_2:09 pm_

**em ef ees**

**are:** who tf is that purple lady wandering the halls

**vee:** who?

_are sent four (4) photos!_

**vee:** i dunno

**kay:** ask team voltron

**kay:** they tend to know a lot of weird alien ladies

**are:** tru

 

_2:12 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

_Vewwonica sent four (4) photos!_

**Vewwonica:** who's this bitch

**Gay:** shit

**Gay:** oh shit

**Gay:** she's here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmm mama bear's arrival,,, is imminent
> 
> Comments would be so appreciated!!! Life just shoved a lemon up my vagina it ain't so good right now!!!
> 
> also uhhh have i mentioned i have a [tumblr](https://angryjane.tumblr.com/)
> 
> that's the best place to reach me if you feel like screaming about stuff
> 
> hhhhhhhhh have a wonderful day and don't forget to feed your local boogeyman
> 
> we have feelings too you know


	26. who's krolia? me, bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeon: Y'ALL  
> Pidgoen: P R E P A R E Y O U R S E L V E S   
> Pidgoen added Mama Bear to the chat!  
> Pidgeon: SHE  
> Mama Bear: Hello.
> 
> krolia is here bitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what will it take to make you capitulate?  
> when will the state agree to cooperate?

_3:24 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

_Vewwonica sent four (4) photos!_

**Vewwonica:**  who's this bitch

**Gay:** shit

**Gay:**  oh shit

**Gay:**  she's here

**Vewwonica:** whos here

**Rizavi:**  yeah who is that

**Lancito:**  Krolia's back!!!!!!

**Lancito:**  i gotta go see her!!!

**Pidgeon:**  me too i'l meet you there

**HunkyMonkey:**  wait for me!!!

**James:**  wait but who is she

**Kink-aid:**  she's kinda scary

**James:**  "kinda"?

**James:** she looks metal as fuck

**Rizavi:**  where did she come from?

**Rizavi:**  why is she just wandering around?

**Kink-aid:**  ....where did you come from..... where did you go....

**Vewwonica:**  where did you come from cotton eye joe?

**James:**  blocked and reported

**Rizavi:**  hgjksfdla;

**Rizavi:**  but seriously

**Vewwonica:**  keith you seem to know her who is she

**Gay:**  that's krolia

**Vewwonica:**...okay

**Vewwonica:**  but what does that mean

**Gay:**

**Gay:**  that's my mom

**Kink-aid:**  oh shit

**Kink-aid:**  james hide

**Vewwonica:**  that's???? your???? what????

**Gay:**  my mother

**Vewwonica:**  i feel like we've been over this but,,,, explain

**Gay:**  she's galra

**Gay;**  but like,,, the good kind

**Rizavi:**  there's a good kind?

**Gay:**  yeah, the blade

**James:**  wtf is a "blade"

**Leifi:**  I believe a blade is a long, sharp object, similar to a sword or knife.

**Kink-aid:**  hdgjsfknsl

**James:**  ,,, thanks Ina,,,, you tried your best

**Gay:**  the blade of marmora is what i'm talking about

**Gay:**  it's like his spy organization of galra and part-galra agents who fought the empire form the inside

**Lancito:**  it's fucking badass! and keith was in it!

**Vewwonica:**  you were?

**Gay:**  yeah that's how i found krolia

**Gay:**  you know, after she abandoned my father and i as soon as i was born

**Gay:**  for the cause

**Gay:**  or whatever

**Rizavi:**  :( that sucks bb

**Gay:**  it did

**Gay:**  but now i get to have a mother so like that's cool i guess

**Lancito:**  krolia is the b e s t

**Lancito:**  she's fucking badass

**Lancito:**  pidge is working on getting her a phone rn so she can join the group chat

**Gay:**  oh please no

**Lancito:**  you know i had to do it to em

**Gay:**  i hate you

**Lancito:**  no you don't ;)

**Gay:**

**Gay:**  fuck you

**Lancito:**  i mean i'm down if you want to~

**Gay:**  hhhh lance

**Vewwonica:**  oh tea

**Rizavi:**  it's not tea if they're already dating

**Vewwonica:**  they've been dating for like twenty four hours it's still tea

**Lancito:**  bitch we've been dating for twenty six hours so~

**Kink-aid:**  someone's counting

**Lancito:**  hmmmm i'm just really happy sooooo

**Gay:**  mood

**Lancito:**  hgsfdjkl;akflgh keith

**Pidgeon:**  Y'ALL

**Pidgeon:**  P R E P A R E Y O U R S E L V E S

_Pidgoen added **Mama Bear**  to the chat!_

**Pidgeon:**  SHE

**Mama Bear:**  Hello.

**Mama Bear:**  Can someone tell me where my son is? His name is Keith, he has a "mullet' as Lance tells me, he initiates unnecessary conflict sometimes because he doesn't know how to talk about feelings?

**HunkyMonkey:**  hgjfdknslafsjglds;

**HonkeyMonkey:**  KROLIA MARRY ME

**Mama Bear:**  If you insist.

**Lancito:**  hgsjfkdslajksfkgdflds;

**Gay:** oh god

**Mama Bear:**  "gay"?

**Mama Bear:**  I'm guessing that is you, Keith?

**Kink-aid:**  ghjkfdslkaskjsfnl

**Vewwonica:**  I'VE ONLY JUST MET HER BUT IF ANYTHING WERE TO HAPPEN TO HER I'D KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM AND THEN MYSELF

**Mama Bear:**  What is a "Vewwonica"?

**Vewwonica:**  me, bitch

**Mama Bear:**  Alright.

**Kink-aid:**  DFGJHKFLSFGJ;L

**Lancito:**  Krolia that's my sister

**Mama Bear:**  Oh! The one with the kid or the lesbian?

**Lancito:**  the lesbian

**Vewwonica:**  guilty as charged

**Rizavi:**  mood

**Mama Bear:**  Where are the Alteans?

**Queen:**  Here!

**Queen:**  It's nice to hear from you again Krolia! I hope your mission went well.

**Mama Bear:**  It did. I slaughtered nineteen high ranking officers in the span of two days.

**Mama Bear:**  As Lance says, "My crops are watering, my pores are clear."

**Lancito:**  krolia i want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that you terrify me

**Lancito:**  but i love you so like

**Pidgeon:**  MOOD

**Mama Bear:**  Lance you are my new son

**Lancito:**  uwuwuwuwuwuwu krolia i would die for you

**HunkyMonkey:**  awww mama kogane has given her blessing

**Mama Bear:**  Blessing for what?

**Lancito:**

**Gay:**

**Mama Bear:**  Keith?

**Gay:**

**Mama Bear:**  Lance?

**Gay:**  hhhh

**Gay:**  mom lance and i are,,,, dating now

**Lancito:**  as of like a day ago

**Mama Bear:**

**Mama Bear:**  Fucking finally.

**Mama Bear:**  Now I have two sons.

**Mama Bear:**  And hopefully grandchildren on the way

**Gay:**  mom!

**Kink-aid:**  the t e a

**Pidgeon:**  i am /living/ for this

**Mama Bear:**  How do I make a private chat?

**Pidgeon:**  you uhhhh click the little arrow to go back and then you say "new message" and type the person's name

**Pidgoen:**  why?

**Mama Bear:**  Hm.

**James:**  ???

 

_3:58 pm_

**Mama Bear > LanceyPants**

**Mama Bear:**  Lance.

**LanceyPants:**  uhhhh yeah?

**Mama Bear:**  I want you to know,

**Mama Bear:**  I am fully expecting you to bring me grandkids

**LanceyPants:**  UH?

**Mama Bear:**  No one makes Keith happier than you do

**Mama Bear:**  And I know he makes you happy too

**Mama Bear:**  Also your hair and eyes? And Keith's complexion? Hunk told me about "supermodels" and that's what I want your kid to be

**Mama Bear:**  You better deliver.

**Mama Bear:**  Or I'll have to dismiss you.

**LaLaLance:**  ,,,dismiss?,,, what,,, do you mean by that

**Mama Bear:**  Dismiss you from life, that is.

**Mama Bear:**  No pressure though! I don't think it will be necessary.

**LaLaLance:**

_4:07 pm_

**bae > keef**

**bae:**  KEITH

**bae:**  BABE

**bae:**  YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT HAPPENED

**keef:**  what happened.

**bae:**  YOUR MOM THREATENED TO KILL ME

**keef:**  of course she did

**bae:**  it's kinda sweet

**bae:**  and really scary

**bae:**  i see where you get it from

**keef:**  get what from?

**bae:**  your like,,,, i dunno how to put it in words

**bae:**  you act all tough but like you're a lil marshmallow on the inside

**keef:**  am not

**bae:** oh honey

**bae:**  you really are

**keef:** no

**bae:**  yeah

**bae:**  although more like caramel than a marshmallow

**bae:**  really sweet and soft and melty

**keef:**  no i'm not

**bae:**  keep telling yourself that keith

**bae:**  you're not fooling anyone

**keef:**

**keef:**  i hate you

**bae:**  :(

**bae:**  guess there's no reason to kiss me then

**keef:**

**keef:** i never said that

**bae:**  >:)  
  


_4:20 pm_

**James:** 420

**Kink-aid:**  press f to pay respects

**Lancito:** f

**Pidgeon:**  f

**HunkyMonkey:**  f

**Gay:**  f

**Queen:**  "F"

**Romellegant:**  f

**Leifi Boi:**  f

**Rizavi:**  f

**Vewwonica:**  f

**Mama Bear:**  No.

**Mama Bear:**  James gets no respect form me.

**Mama Bear:**  Nor any of the other Blade members for that matter.

**Lancito:**  fsghkdjfls

**Pidgeon:**  Krolia I love you so much

**Mama Bear:**  I love all of you as well.

**Mama Bear:** Not James though.

**Kink-aid:**  fair.

**James;**  hey! you're my boyfriend you were supposed to protect me!

**Kink-aid:**  the scary lady has a point babe

**Kink-aid:**  you kinda /were/ an asshole to keith

**Mama Bear:**  Oh, you are dating James?

**Kink-aid:**  yes ma'am

**Mama Bear:** My condolences.

**Rizavi:**  o h m y g o d

**Vewwonica:**  god i love you already

**Lancito:**  fun fact! just twenty minutes ago, this very same woman threatened to kill me if i didn't bear keith's children!

**Pidgeon:**  TEA

**Vewwonica:**  sdjflngkmflsad;

**Gay:**  wait what

**Gay:**  you didn't tell me she wants us to have children

**Mama Bear:**  Lance must you expose me like this?

**Mama Bear:**  Also, you wouldn't be the one bearing the children, Keith would.

**Gay:**  mom

**Gay:**  i don't know how to tell you this but uhhhh

**Gay:**  i have a dick

**Mama Bear:**  For now.

**Gay:**  ?????

**Mama Bear:** Let's discuss this later. There's still a lot you don't know about Galra biology.

**Gay:**??!!??!?!?

**Lancito:**  uhhhhhhh

**Pidgeon:**

**HunkyMonkey:**

**Vewwonica:**

**Leifi Boi:**  oh my.

**Romellegant:**  moving on

**Queen:**  Anyway, has anyone seen Coran lately? I have no idea where he's gotten to.

**Queen:**  He and I were buildinsdjfgkdmls;

**Pidgeon:**  ?

**Romellegant:**  found him.

**Pidgeon:**  /?!??!?!?/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we appreciate power  
> we appreciate power
> 
> how do y'all like mama bear? tell me in the comments!!!
> 
> uhhh also that thing about galra is something user "wolfdog23" has suggested and i'mma try and roll with it. i think. thoughts on that? please? i'm unsure about it.
> 
> oh and you may remember last week i mentioned that life had shoved a lemon up my vagina. Update! the lemon has now reached my uterus and is my child. the placenta is forming as we speak. the baby shower is next week and you're all invited.
> 
> have a wonderful day y'all!!! make something! punch your local nazi! eat the rich! pee on a few mailboxes if necessary! live your best life!


	27. if you are reading this,,, you are gay. sorry kid.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romellegant: quick question but who the fuck are you
> 
> Adam!: i'm adam
> 
> Gay: he's adam
> 
> Lancito: he's adam
> 
> HunkyMonkey: okay but who is adam?
> 
> Adam!: i am.
> 
> Gay: he is.
> 
> Lancito: yeah, he is. keep up guys.
> 
> Pidgeon: i hate all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ra ra ra ahah roma gagaga  
> ra ra ooh la la  
> want your bad romance

3:13 am

bae > keef

bae: keith

keef; what

bae: hypothetically, if i were to come to your room and ask to cuddle, would you hypothetically say yes possibly

bae: hypothetically?

keef:

keef:

keef:

keef:

keef:

bae: keith?

bae: babe?

bae: hello?

 

\-----

 

The sound Lance let out when his door slid open unannounced, spilling ungodly yellow light into his dim room was, if anyone asked, most certainly not a screech. It was more of a manly exclamation, a warrior-like battle cry, not at all a high-pitched shriek. And he definitely didn't fall off his bed to land in an unceremonious heap on the floor.

 

"What the fuck?" He pushed the fallen comforter off his face to see a figure stalking towards him, flicking on a light, the door sliding closed silently.

 

"Hi." Keith said quietly, cheeks already a brilliant shade of pink.

 

"Hey there, hot shot." Lance replied easily, though he was finding his mouth to be suspiciously dry and he would bet good money on it being related to Keith's state of dress, or lack thereof. Because honestly could short-shorts and a fucking crop top be counted as pajamas? Lance was thinking no, they couldn't.

 

"I heard something about cuddling." Keith was saying stiltedly, one arm shying up to land in his hair, which was, yet again, in a goddamn bun. Lance was eighty percent sure he was going to die.

 

"Mm. You want in?"

 

Keith coughed, more like a hiccup, and mumbled something Lance didn't quite catch, being a little distracted with how soft Keith's legs looked.

 

"What was that, babe?"

 

"I said," the other huffed, "Yes please."

 

That put a grin on Lance's face as he stood and dropped the comforter back on his bed. Stretching out an arm, he gestured theatrically at his vacant bed, "After you, sir," He laughed with a flourish and a bow.

 

Keith rolled his eyes but crawled onto the mattress, momentarily giving Lance a sinfully good view of his butt. Goddamn.

 

"I've never," Keith started, pink-faced and looking away, "I've never cuddled with anyone so I don't know how this works."

 

Lance paused, eyebrow raised in disbelief. "Never?"

 

"No. I don't think drunken cuddling counts."

 

".....Never?"

 

Keith huffed again, exasperation leaking into the tiredness of his voice, "No Lance." He paused. "... Teach me?"

 

Cheekily grinning, "I thought you'd never ask."

 

Lance slid under the covers, sinking down into the mattress. Silently, he opened his arms, and Keith obliged, scooting into them without meeting his gaze. Interestingly enough, Keith fit perfectly into his arms. Almost like he were made for this.

 

"This good?"

 

Keith sighed, "Yeah."

 

"I can't believe you've never cuddled before. You're perfect cuddling material, dude."

 

"Thanks, I guess."

 

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Lance could feel Keith relaxing into him, losing the tension in his shoulders. Keith felt like caramel, warm and soft, A fond smile grew on Lance's face as he leaned down to place a kiss on the top of Keith's head, and --

 

"Holy shit, Keith I think I'm taller than you again!"

 

Keith snorted, snuggling the slightest bit further into his chest, "Yeah, you have been for a while now, doofus. I was waiting until you noticed."

 

"Order has bee restored! My crops are watering, my pores are cleared, my depression cured," Lance cried dramatically, drawing a giggle (a goddamned giggle, holy fuck how cute could one guy be) out of Keith.

 

"Shut up, idiot."

 

"Make me."

 

Keith laughed, but pushed his head up to peck Lance on the lips anyway, smiling softly. "Good night, Lance."

 

\-----

 

One thing Keith had recently decided he hated: the sun. That bitch was currently shining in his eyes, quite rudely if I do say so myself.

 

He let out a groan, rolling over in... Lance's bed. That's right, they'd been cuddling. But this time, completely sober!

 

 

Speaking of sober, that godforsaken light was still slipping through the window, mournfully bright. Keith opened his eyes, and noted the absence of the bed's owner, one Lance McClain, boyfriend extraordinaire.

 

There was, admittedly, a brief moment of panic, in which Keith was struck with the sickening thought that Lance had decided he didn't like Keith after all and bolted, but then his ears decided to join the party and politely pointed out that, oh yeah, that was the sound of a shower he was hearing, and oh yeah, Lance wouldn't do that. He relaxed back into the sheets.

 

For a delightful minute, Keith was on the cusp of sleep, almost there, but then the bathroom door swung open and suddenly Lance was there, dressed in.... nothing but a towel around his waist and oh god, Keith was screwed because how the flying fuck did he have abs like and where did Lance get so many freckles, and so much smooth skin, and such defined calves, and why did God hate Keith? Was it because he was gay? Was it because of what happened in the Denny's three years ago? Because Keith regretted that so much now, why did he--

 

"Like what you see?" Lance was smirking, obviously pleased with the look Keith must have on his face, but at this point there wasn't anything to be done about it, no point in denying it, no chance of salvation, so Keith replied breezily,

 

"Yeah, I think I do." Be calm be calm be calm don't lose your shit, not here, "So much, in fact, that I think I'll keep it." He tried a smirk for good measure, but he was sure it was offset by how fucking warm his face suddenly was, and oh shit, Lance was smiling that devilish smile, and oh god--

 

"Hmm. I hope you do 'keep it', cause I think I like what I see too," Lance dragged his eyes up Keith's body, slowly, surely, sending a helpless shiver up Keith's spine, setting his veins on fire, and he was certain a small armada had taken up residence in his stomach and were having a fucking feild day down there.

 

"You, Keith Kogane," Lance was saying, "Are fucking gorgeous. Have I ever mentioned that? I don't think I have. But you are, and so goddamn cute too, I think you're gonna kill me, dude. I mean," He gestured at Keith, who was on the brink of having a heart attack on Lance's bed, sitting up straight, cheeks aflame, "Have you seen yourself? Ever? You have the prettiest eyes, and you look so cute when you get all flustered, and-- and your ass, Keith, oh my god--"

 

"Lance," Keith all but whined, "Stop it. Please."

 

"Fine. But only since you asked nicely. And cause you're so cute."

 

"I'm not."

 

"Whatever you say, babe."

 

"Lance."

 

"Yes?" Lance grinned at his boyfriend. He knew exactly what he was doing.

 

"You-- stop-- don't--ugh!" Standing up, Keith made for the door, flushed and confused, because why did this have to happen to him, why was Lance so-- so-- ugh. Lance's cackling followed him out the door.

 

Keith would like to pretend he hate his new boyfriend, but--

 

Who was he kidding?

 

\-----

 

12:03 pm

This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron

Adam! was added to the chat!

Adam!: hey bitches

HunkyMonkey: who are you where did you come from

Pidgeon: where did you come from where did you go, where did you come from cotton eye joe

Adam!: ah, you must be the small holt

Pidgeon: who's asking

Adam!: i think i'm dating your brother now

HunkyMonkey: ... shiro? is that you?

Adam!: ew no

Gay; oh hi adam

Adam!: hi keith

Adam!: it's nice to see you again

Adam!: or whatever

Gay: did shiro talk to you yet? I keep telling him to but he's an asshole so like--

Adam!: he did

Adam!: and the tea is now i am not only dating him but also his boyfriend

Adam!: which makes both of them my boyfriends

Adam!: huh

Lancito: Adam!

Adam!: Lance!

Adam!: My new son!

Gay: wait why aren't I your son?

Gay: you were literally engaged to my legal guardian doesn't that /mean/ something to you?

Adam!: you can perish in a garbage fire, demonspawn

Gay: love you too, asshole

Adam!: <3

Queen: "Engaged"? When was Shiro engaged to this person?

Romellegant: also, quick question but who the fuck are you

Adam!: i'm adam

Gay: he's adam

Lancito: he's adam

HunkyMonkey: okay but who is adam?

Adam!: i am.

Gay: he is.

Lancito: yeah, he is. keep up guys.

Pidgeon: i hate all of you

Adam!: even me?

Pidgeon: especially you

Adam!: this is so sad alexa play depacito

HunkyMonkey: *this is so sad paladins form voltron

Lancito: oh u rite u rite

Pidgeon: seriously though what the fuck

Daddy: Adam stop terrorizing my children.

Lancito: aha! so you do admit you are our dad!

Pidgeon: you are our daaad

Gay: you're our dad!

HunkyMonkey: boogie woogie woogie

Adam!:

Adam!: shiro i want them they're mine now

Daddy: That's not how it works.

Adam!: it is if i say it is

Daddy: Again, no--

Pidgeon: anyway no one answered my question: WHO THE FUCK IS ADAM?

Adam!: me, bitch.

Pidgeon: O H MY G O D--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay thoughts, thots?
> 
> how do you feel about how i wrote keith's pov?
> 
> umm also i dunno how dialogue works but i tried my best
> 
> COMMENTS? PLEASE?
> 
> oh and uhhh. went to the doctor today. the lemon baby is a girl! i'm so excited! [here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ) my baby registry!


	28. knife move, keith.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pidgeon: THE EYE THING  
> Vewwonica: oh yeah the EYE THING  
> Rizavi: THE EYE THING  
> Kink-aid: THE EYE THING  
> HunkyMonkey: THE EYE THING  
> Gay: please no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some of y'all were actually curious about the eye thing so uhh here y'all fucking G O   
>  the next chapter should be the cookie thing with adam and keith. it's gonna be lit.

_3:16 pm_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Pidgeon:** KEITH

**Pidgeon:** /K E I T H/

**Kogayne:** ?

**Pidgeon:** HIS EYE

**Kogayne:**???

**Pidgeon:** IVERSON TOLD ME

**Kogayne:**

**Kogayne:** shit

**LaLaLance:** hmmmmm

**HunkyMonkey:** pidge you know?! tell us!

**Pidgeon:** YOU'LL NEVER BELIEVE

**HunkyMonkey;** wait wait

_3:18pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**HunkyMonkey:** okay okay spill it

**Vewwoncia:** oooh spill what what's the tea

**Pidgeon:** IVERSON TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED TO HIS EYE

**Gay:** pidge i'm begging you please don't say it

**Vewwonica:** no you have to

**Vewwoncia:** you are legally obligated to tell us

**Gay:** no please pidge

**Pidgeon:** HHHH

**Gay:** please

**Pidgeon:** sorry keith rules are rules i gotta spill

**Gay:** oh god

**Lancito:** this is gonna be good

**Gay:** hey wait aren't you supposed to be on my side?!

**Lancito:** i mean yeah but like,,,, it's pidge fighting them would be dangerous so,,,

**Gay:** fine whatever

**Gay:** guess i'll just be cuddling by myself today

**Lancito:** wait wait wait

**Gay:** hm.

_3:20 pm_

**tall > cute**

**tall:** keiiitthhhhh

**tall:** you aren't serious about not cuddling today are you

**tall:** cause i think i'll die if you are

**cute:** hm.

**tall:** keith

**tall:** babe

**tall:** sweetie

**tall:** honey

**tall:** baby

**tall:** darling

**tall:** sugar

**tall:** sweetheart

**tall:** snookums

**tall:** dearest

**tall:** light of my life

**tall:** KEITH.

**cute:** hm.

**tall:** please?

**cute:**

**cute:** fine but you gotta make it up to me

**tall:** okay how

**cute:** hm.

**cute:** you'll see.

**tall:** ?!?!?

_3:23 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Lancito:** alright well now apparently i'm on keith's side so i'm gonna have to ask you NOT to tell the story

**Lancito:** as good as it is

**Pidgeon:** too late here we go

**HunkyMonkey:** WAIT

_HunkyMOnkey added **Adam!** to the chat!_

**Gay:** NO

**Vewwonica:** who tf??

**Adam!:** hello my name's adam i'm a raging queer and i'll fuck you up

**Mattematics:** sdfhsgjkfld;dajslkhls i love you already babe

**Adam!:** likewise

**James:** what? the? fuck?

**Pidgeon:** adam is shiro and matt's new boyfriend.

**Pidgeon:** or in shiro's case, returning boyfriend

**Pidgeon:** round two

**Gay:** he is the bane of my existence

**Adam!:** oh shut up you love me

**Gay:** false

**Adam!:** sure, sure

**Gay:** this is homophobia--

**Mama Bear:** Homophobia? Who is hurting you?

**HunkyMonkey:** hgjksdfl;'

**Gay:** no one, mom.

**Adam!:** "mom"?

**Adam!:** the fuck???

**Adam!:** i thought? your mom? left?

**Adam!:** otherwise why the fuck was I the one raising you???

**Pidgeon:** i thought shiro raised him

**Adam!:** oh please

**Adam!:** takashi couldn't raise a fucking spoon, nevermind a child

**Daddy:** Why is this happening.

**Mama Bear:** So there is no homophobia? No one is hurting Keith or any of my other new children?

**Gay:** no mom

**Gay:** it's an expression

**Mama Bear:** Ah. I see.

**Adam!:** who is she i love her

**Mama Bear:** Hello, I am Krolia. I am Keith's mother. He has told me a lot about you.

**Mama Bear:** He admires you very much.

**Gay** : mom!!

**Adam!:** i knew it!

**Adam!:** i knew you secretly loved me!

**Adam!:** bitch!

**Gay:** let me die

**Lancito:** no you can't die i need you for cuddles

**Gay:**

**Gay:** fine

**Pidgeon:** first of all let me just say, from the bottom of my heart,

**Pidgeon:** ew.

**Lancito:** thanks

**Adam!:** uhhh excuse me but when i lost saw keith he had no parents, no friends, no brother, no self control and no happiness and now he's all uhhhh mature and has friends and a Lance and a mom???? what the fuck happened to you kid??

**Gay:** i blame it all on lance

**HunkyMonkey:** when in doubt blame it all on lance

**Pidgeon:** pfft

**Adam!:** okay but seriously what the fuck

**Gay:** i'll tell you about it later

**Adam!:** be in my room at six i'll make cookies

**Adam!:** you lil bitch

**Rizavi:** this is the weirdest parenting i've ever seen but alright go off i guess

_3:42 pm_

**Adam > Home Wrecker**

**Adam:** shiro his mom says he looks up to me i'm fukcnig cyrign

**Home Wrecker:** he really. does.

**Adam:** ahhhHHHHH

**Adam:** how dare that little punk make me care about him ahh what the FUCK

**Home Wrecker:** he did it to me too

**Adam:** UGH what a little PRICK

**Adam:** a prick i would DIE FOR

**Home Wrecker:** mood.

 

_3:51 pm_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**Pidgeon:** shit i almost forgot

**Pidgeon:** THE EYE THING

**Vewwonica:** oh yeah the EYE THING

**Rizavi:** THE EYE THING

**Kink-aid:** THE EYE THING

**HunkyMonkey:** THE EYE THING

**Gay:** please no

**Gay:** i have so much to live for ---

**Gay:** potato chips,

**Gay:** kosmo,

**Gay:** lance,

**Gay:**

**Pidgeon:** i thought you were listing things

**Gay:** i was that's it

**Pidgeon:** i can respect that

**Pidgeon:** but i'm still gonna tell them about THE EYE THING

**Gay:** betrayed by my own cryptid buddy

**Adam!:** wait the EYE THING as in with iverson?

**Pidgeoj:** yeah

**Adam!:** oh keith you're screwed

**Gay:** not helping

**Mattematics:** oh wait i remember that

**Mattematics:** one of the times in my life, of which there have been many, where keith scared me

**Gay:** hey maybe let's not talk about the EYE THING

**Daddy:** Someone please tell me what the EYE THING is.

**Adam!:** oh the EYE THING refers to that time right after you disappeared where keith threw a knife in iverson's eye and got expelled

**Daddy:**

**Daddy:**

**Daddy:** I'm sorry,

**Daddy:** That time he WHAT

**Gay:** shit

**Gay:** it was nice knowing you guys

**HunkyMonkey:** i,,,,i don't understand

**HunkyMonkey:** you ,,,, stabbed his eye out,,,?

**Pidgeon:** keith i respect you even more now, i hope you know that

**Rizavi:** i

**Vewwonica:**

**Vewwonica:** for once in my life i have no idea what to say

**Daddy:** Keith I swear to god,,,,

**Lancito:** swearing isn't very nice shiro

**Daddy:** Not now, Lance.

**HunkyMonkey:** oh shit he's really angry

**Kink-aid:** rip keith

**Gorgeous Man:** HE WILL BE MISSED

**James:** will he though?

**Mama Bear:** James speak again and I will rip your throat out and feed it to Kosmo.

**James:**

**James:**

**James:**

**_James_ ** _left the chat_

**Pidgeon:** coward

**Daddy:** Keith why would you stab a commanding officer? In the eye, no less?

**Gay:** i was in a,,,, bad place.

**Gay:** and uhhh he said some bad shit about you and matt and uhhh i just. snapped.

**Gay:** i kinda don't regret it?

**Adam!:** i mean,,, takashi you should cut the kid a little slack,,,

**Daddy:**

**Adam!:** he kinda had just lost yet another family figure

**Adam!:** that made three for three

**Adam!:** wait no three for four cause keith's my pseudo little brother/ child too

**Adam!:** but you get the point

**Daddy:**

**Daddy:** I don't approve, but I understand.

**Gay:** thanks shiro

**Mama Bear:** Well I, for one, am proud. He slew his first enemy in a brave way.

**Gay:** mom no

**Mama Bear:** Well done, Keith.

**Pidgeon:** iverson?? isn't dead?? krolia???

**Mama Bear:** What?

**Mama Bear:** Son you have failed me.

**Mattematics:** sdhjsfghflk;'

**HunkyMonkey:** keith man you are kinda scary but that's cool we still love you

**Gay:** thanks?

**Lancito:** what i wanna know is what did you use to stab him?

**Vewwonica:** of course that's what you wanna know

**Gay:** uhhh my blade

**Lancito:** really?! that's pretty badass!!!

**Mama Bear:** I'm proud again.

**HunkyMonkey:** adfsjgklv;

**Adam!:** keith where you at it's cookie making time

**Gay:** shit i'll be there in a sec

**Lancito:** bring me some cookies babe!!!

**Gay:** hm.. why should i

**Lancito:** please

**Lancito:** i'll do anything

**Gay:** anything?

**Lancito:** anything.

**Gay:** then perish.

**Lancito:** keith i love you.

**Gay:** um i love you too. i guess.

**Lancito:** <3

**Gay:** ...  <3

**Pidgoen:** again,

**Pidgeon:** EW.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm. adam? 
> 
> don't have much to say except that i'd love suggestions!!!! please!!! i wanna hear your thoughts!!! all of them!!! even the ones you keep hidden!!! i will find out!!!
> 
> OH AND UH??? the lemon baby is due next week!! help me chose a name for her? the options currently are: petunia or genevieve? vote now on your phones!!! PLEASE
> 
> also??? uhhh if y'all are up for it i'mma do a guessing contest thingie in the next chapter or so so keep an eye out for that the winner gets a shoutout thingie embedded into the story 
> 
> anyway,,,, drink your respecting women juice. 
> 
> i c a n s e e s p a c e o n t h e r a d i o


	29. cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith smiled, a real smile, something Adam hadn't seen him do for months before he was expelled, and collapsed into his arms. "I missed you, jerk." Turning his head to the side, Keith muttered into his chest. The angle was awkward, not quite like it used to be, but Adam couldn't say he minded. He was just glad his kid was home.  
>  "I missed you more, jackass."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not happy with this at all, but it's been a hot minute and i don't want to sit on it any longer. sorry it's so short

"Alright, no offense, but this is going to go terribly, isn't it?" Keith stood in Adam's doorway, hands on his hips. The first thing Adam noticed about the kid was that now he was so _tall._ Like, almost as tall as Adam himself. When Keith had disappeared he'd been a short and skinny little runt, and now here he was, all tall and oddly muscly. His hair was longer too, his eyes brighter. Plus there was that scar on his face, who knows where the fuck that came from.  
            There was also something else, something that seemed suspiciously like confidence, in the way he carried himself. It made Adam smile as he replied, "Yep." He put down the cookie tray he'd been greasing, opening is arms, "C'mere you little asshole."  
            Keith smiled, a real smile, something Adam hadn't seen him do for months before he was expelled, and collapsed into his arms. "I missed you, jerk." Turning his head to the side, Keith muttered into his chest. The angle was awkward, not quite like it used to be, but Adam couldn't say he minded. He was just glad his kid was home.  
            "I missed you more, jackass." He patted Keith's back, still smiling. "Who the fuck do you think you are, saving the universe? Who said you were allowed to do that? Who authorized this? I certainly didn't."  
            "Someone had to," Keith pulled away, grinning, "And _someone_ had to go collect Shiro from the depths of hell."  
            Adam laughed, turning back towards the counter. He, being a senior officer, had graciously been given a full studio instead of a crappy dorm. He secretly hoped he could move back into Takashi's old apartment with him. The place was home, not some empty room with his name on the door.  
            Keith paced a bit around the front area, taking it in before, "This is wrong."  
            "Wrong?"  
            "Wrong." He confirmed.  
            Adam was pouring flour into a bowl, "Yeah, it kinda is. Doesn't feel like me." When he looked up, Keith was beside him (Jesus fuck, how did he move so fast? And so quietly? He'd always been good at surprising Adam, in more ways than one--), poking a finger into the flour.  
            "Did you even measure this?" He asked, grin coming back.  
            "No. You have known me for how many years Keith? You think I _measure_ things? The fuck do you think I am? A fucking scientist?"  
            "Adam... You? Are a scientist?"  
            A pause. Then, "Oh yeah. Fuck." He shrugged, returning to dropping spoonfuls of sugar into the mixture.

            "Are you even pretending to be using a recipe?" At Adam's shrug, Keith continued with an eye roll, "And you wonder no one lets you bake."

            "Hey! My baking skills are legendary!"

            "Yeah, legendarily bad." Keith replied, hopping up onto the counter beside where Adam was working. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he fished it out, Adam raising an eyebrow at him.

 

_5:48 pm_

**tall > cute**

**tall:** keiiitthhh bring meeee coookkkiiieeesss pleeeaasseee

**tall:** please

**cute:** if you want cookies you'll have to come get them yourself

**tall:** i am willing to do that

**cute:** well you gotta wait like 45 min they're not even in the oven yet

**tall:** D:

**tall:** i'm not gonna last that long

**tall:** i'll have withered away by then

**cute:** rip lance

**cute:** died a thirsty boy

**tall:** hey! i am NOT thirsty

**cute:** oh. well in that case i guess i'll have to give all this thirst-quenching gayness to someone else

**tall:** wait no

**cute:** `\\(' . ')/`           

**tall:** wait wait babe

**cute:** sorry lance i don't make the rules

**tall:** D:  
**cute:** you'll have to plead your case

**tall:** !!!!

 

            Keith looked up from his phone to find Adam smirking knowingly at him, half-heartedly mixing the dough.

            "What?"

            "You're blushing." Adam wiggled his eyebrows, smirk only growing, "Who're you texting, _Keith?_ Someone special? Lance, perhaps?"

            "Shut up."Keith grumbled, tossing his phone on the counter to give Adam his full attention.

            "You know, I fucking love that kid already." Adam was saying, starting to spoon the drops onto the cookie sheet. Keith's phone buzzed beside him and he glanced down at the notification on the lock screen.

            **_tall:_** _tbh tho your ass could quench anyone's thirst_

            Keith swiped it away with a grin, feeling his face hot as he swallowed a lump of... _something_ building in his throat.

            "So. Tell me everything." After putting the cookie tray into the oven, Adam turned towards him.

            "Um, well. What do you want to know?"

            "Everything, Keith, everything." At Keith's confused look, he sighed, "Start with Krolia. And the Galra." He chuckled, sliding up onto the counter beside Keith, "I mean, I always knew you were weird-- inhumanly annoying, if you will."

            "Ha, ha." Keith huffed, but he was smiling, "Well, I joined the Blade a while back, and--"

            "The Blade? The fuck is that?"

            "Oh, it's..."

            And it continued that way, the two sitting side by side, legs swinging and letting it all out. Keith told Adam about the Blade of Marmora, about Krolia, the team, Zarkon, the battles, falling in love with Lance, his fight with Shiro, the space whale, Kosmo. Adam, in turn, detailed the past few years on Earth, getting put in a coma, mourning Shiro then Keith, getting messages from space and un-mourning them, dutifully laying curses on the both of them for putting him through that mess.

            "I see you're still a little shit," Adam ruffled Keith's hair, grinning wickedly when Keith tried to get away, "But you've grown, Kogane. I'm proud of you or whatever."

            "Yeah yeah." He laughed, "Be careful, you sound like Shiro."

            Adam wrinkled his nose. "Keith promise me one thing: promise me you'll never let me be responsible. Promise me, Keith."

            "Fine, fine."

            "Thanks, you little jerk."

            Keith snorted, "Love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> like i said, not feeling too hot about this one. it's been a rough few days and i'm off my game
> 
> UMMM if you like spiderman you should read the two new Spidey fics I started!!!!!  
> [I Thought Field Trips Were Supposed to Be Fun?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17589053)  
> [@realspidey](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17606027)
> 
> oh and the lemon baby is named Genevieve!!! she's due any day now!!!


	30. fuck marry kill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> vee: honestly anyone who'd chose luke or han over leia is blind or an idiot  
> jay: .....  
> vee: you heard me, james  
> jay: i can't even fight you on this  
> vee: that's right bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short one

_6:03 pm_

**em ef ees**

**vee:** i'm bored

**jay:** sounds like a you problem

**kay:** james be fucking nice

**vee:** yeah james

**el:** Yeah James.

**are:** yeah james

**jay:** i? hate you guys

**jay:** except you ryan you're perfect

**kay:** i know.

**are:** desgusteng

**vee:** anyway

**vee:** i SAID, i'm borEDDDDD

**are:** wanna play fmk

**kay:** ooh yeah

**el:** What is it?

**are:** it's a game, where you're given three people and you choose one to fuck, one ot marry, and one to kill. it's fun

**el:** Alright, that sounds simple enough. I'll play.

**vee:** i'm in

**vee:** james??

**jay:** ,,,,

**vee** : you don't gotta if you'd be uncomfortable with it

**jay:** no i'll play

**vee:** you sure?

**jay:** positive.

**are:** okay then who's first

**vee:** meeee

**vee:** @ryan: tarzan, simba from the lion king, and cinderella

**jay:** why are they all from disney movies

**vee:** because all disney movies slap next question

**el:** Disney movies hit you?

**vee:** no no leif

**vee:** nvmd

**el:** ?

**vee:** dw about it.

**vee:** i'll explain it to you later

**el:** Okay.

**jay;** ryan answer the thingie

**kay:** uhhh i'd have to say,,, fuck tarzan, kill simba, and marry cinderella

**vee:** hm

**vee:** explain

**kay:** well i'm not a fucking furry so there will be no fucking or marrying of any lions today

**kay:** not in my good christian minecraft server

**kay:** and as for the other two, i'd marry cinderella because yeah tarzan's hot but that dude doesn't know jack shit about raising kids or providing for a family or all that, so he'd be a terrible life partner.

**vee:** valid reasoning.

**are:** we stan.

**jay:** you guys are so fucking weird.

**vee:** you love us

**jay:** debatable

**jay:** ryan ask someone else

**kay:** alright Leif you up for it?

**el:** Yes.

**kay:** okay fuck marry kill: Abraham Lincoln, Eleanor Roosevelt, or Rosa Parks?

**el:**

**el:**

**el:** By "fuck" you mean do the sex, right?

**kay:** yeah, that

**el:** Alright then.

**el:** I would fuck Rosa Parks, marry Eleanor Roosevelt, and kill Lincoln.

**are:** why

**el:** Well I am not interested in sex with men so that put Lincoln out of the running. I had him as "kill" because he was in fact killed. History would remain intact.

**vee:** valid

**el:** I would fuck Parks because she is beautiful and marry Roosevelt because together we would rule the United States and eventually the world.

**jay:** i respect you so much leif

**el:** Thank you, James. I wish I could say the same.

**vee:** !!!!!! she goes OFF

**are:** Ina i love you

**el:** I love you too, Nadia. And you, Ryan, and you Veronica

**vee:** <3

**kay:** love you leif

**el:** James, I tolerate you at times.

**jay:** i'm gonna take that as a compliment i guess

**el:** Go off, I guess.

**vee:** ina marry me

**are:** or me

**vee:** or the both of us

**are:** tru

**el:** I'm not ready for marriage yet. Thank you for the offers though. :)

**are:** damn

**vee:** i'll still marry u nadia

**are:** sounds like a plan

**vee:** <3

**are:** <3

**kay:** y'all are cute

**jay:** no they're disgusting

**are:** you two were literally doing the same thing ten minutes ago so shut the hell up

**jay:** understandable have a nice day

**el:** I have decided my three individuals. Veronica I choose you.

**vee:** i am honored. lay it on me

**el:** Fuck, marry, kill: Hunk Garrett, Keith Kogane, or Matthew Holt

**vee:** honey

**vee:** i'm a lesbian

**vee:** why would you do this to me

**al:** for Science.

**vee:** fair

**vee:** uhhhh i guess i'd kill matt, fuck keith and marry hunk??

**el:** Hm. Reasoning?

**vee:** i'd kill matt cause he can be annoying i guess even tho i love him to death

**vee:** i'd fuck keith cause i'm a lesbian but if i weren't you KNOW i'd tap that

**kay:** keith is? gay?

**vee:** yeah but hypothetically

**vee:** and i'd marry hunk cause he's a ray of sunshine

**jay:** that's true, he is.

**vee:** okey dokey nadia why don't you ask someone i already @ed ryan

**are:** sure

**are:** james, fmk: michael jackson, john lenon, and hitler

**jay:** that's easy

**jay:** fuck michael, marry john, kill hitler

**vee:** understandable have a nice day

**jay:** @nadia-- fmk: leia, han, luke

**are:** ooooof

**are:** fuck leia, marry luke, kill han

**el:** Why?

**are:** i have my reasons

**vee:** honestly anyone who'd chose luke or han over leia is blind or an idiot

**jay:**.....

**vee:** you heard me, james

**jay:** i can't even fight you on this

**vee:** that's right bitch

**kay:** veronica why did your brother just pass by my room in a cat onesie

**vee:** who fucking knows

**vee:** hold on, let me check.

 

_6:38 pm_

**ver > lancer**

**ver:** cat onesie?

**lancer:** it's a bet

**ver:** share your winnings with me?

**lancer:** fine.

**ver:** :)

 

_6:40 pm_

**em ef ees**

**vee:** there's a bet

**jay:** with who is this something we should be getting in on

**vee:** dunno, didn't ask

**jay:** well ask

**vee:** fine fine, don't get your panties in a twist

 

_6:42 pm_

**ver > lancer**

**ver:** who are you betting against

**lancer:** hunk

**ver:** how much

**lancer:** $40

**ver:** why

**lancer:** he says i can't stay in this thing for twenty four hours straight

**lancer:** *twenty four hours bi

**ver:** pfft

**ver:** he knows you're you, right?

**lancer:** that's what i said!!

**ver:** give me $10 when you win??

**lancer:** i guess

**ver:** you're the best lil bro :)

**lancer:** :/

 

_6:46 pm_

**em ef ees**

**vee:** hunk thinks he can't wear it for 24 hours

**vee:** he def can tho

**are:** i love that kid

**vee:** don't we all

**kay:** mood

**jay:** i don't

**vee:** stop lying it's bad fro your health

**jay:** bitch

**vee:** were it not for the laws of this land i would have slain you long ago

**jay:** honestly you probably could

**are:** oh she definitely could

**are:** have you seeeeeennnn those muscles??

**kay:** true

**el:** Veronica could snap James in half. I have done the calculations.

**vee:** hahaha take that james

**jay:** i came out here to have a good time and honestly i feel so attacked

**vee:** good

**jay:** :/

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hc Leifsdottir as autistic and you can pry that from my cold dead hands. i, a certified autistic I C O N have said it is so, and so it it law. deal with it.
> 
> gimme comments??


	31. this is so sad paladins PLAY DESPACITO?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Ah well. Y'all ready?" Rubbing his hands together, Hunk turned to them with a grin. "It's karaoke time."
> 
> oh hellllll yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is shitty but here i guess
> 
> des...  
>  ....pa...  
> .... cito

"No, Lance."

            "Yes."

            " _No, Lance."_

            " _Yes, Pidge."_

            Pidge groaned, slamming their laptop closed. It was time to take a break anyway. "Fine. Only because you're so annoying."

            "Yes1 C'mon!" Lance snatched their wrist, dragging them out of their room and down the hall. "This is gonna be so fun, just you wait, Pidge."

            "I really doubt it will be _fun,_ but it's gotta be more entertaining than _Great Expectations."_

"I'm telling you, just stop reading that dumbass book. You're not in school anymore."

            Pidge huffed, yanking their wrist away to adjust their glasses, which had slipped lower on their nose. "I _want_ to, even if it sucks ass. I feel like I kinda missed out on the whole high school experience." They waved their hand vaguely, "So I'm gonna read it and hate it, just like everyone else." They held their arm out again for Lance to take. Pidge actually enjoyed Lance's friendly contact, though they would never tell him so.

            Grinning, Lance grabbed their hand, pancake-style, and replied, still dragging Pidge along, "I guess I can see where you're coming from. It makes sense." He shrugged, looking over at them with a smirk and a wink, "When you finish it, let's burn it."

            Pidge giggled, "Yes please."

            "Aha! Here we are!" Lance shuffled forward into the lounge, "Prepare to have fun!" He pulled Pidge over to where Hunk was setting up the karaoke machine, Keith peering over his shoulder curiously. The mullet glanced up with a muttered, "I still think this is stupid," before turning back towards Hunk.

            "Yeah, no offense, but can any of you sing?" Nadia asked from where she was flopped over the side of the couch, Veronica's head in her lap. Her fingers played lightly across her scalp.

            Lance scoffed, " _Yes_! V, tell her!"

            Not even opening her eyes, Veronica snorted, and hummed, "He actually can. He got it from Papá."

            "As well as his dashing good looks, of course." Lance butted in, collapsing into a nearby chair. He stretched his arms up over his head, back cracking marvelously. He yawned.

            "Keith stop staring. I'm told that it's rude." Ina said loudly from somewhere to his left, and Lance's eyes popped open. Keith was, in fact, staring.

            "See something you like?" The former Blue Paladin said slyly,

            "Uh." Keith replied intelligently, cheeks red.

            "Very smooth, Keith." Nadia praised, amusement leaking into her voice. "Is the machine almost ready? I wanna sing my guts out."

            "You any good?" Pidge asked boredly, settling onto the arm of Lance's chair.

            "She is not." James deadpanned.

            Sitting up a speck to level him with a glare, Veronica bit back, "Bitch, shut up." To anyone who wasn't familiar with thier dynamic, it might seem as if she hated him. This was not the case; it was just how they worked.

            "Alright, just about done. Are Shiro and Adam and Matt coming?"

            Pidge shook their head, "Date night."

            "Ah well. Y'all ready?" Rubbing his hands together, Hunk turned to them with a grin. "It's karaoke time."

            "Hell yeah."

 

\-------

 

Ten minutes and a horrible rendition of "Don't Stop Believing," curtesy of Nadia, later, it was Pidge's turn. They grumbled but made their way to the makeshift stage-- a big-ass piece fo wood they'd found in the Garrison's basement raised on two precariously-placed cinder blocks that Kinkade had gotten god-knows-where-- and picked through the selection of songs to butcher. After a minute a decision was made, and the music started.

            "Oh god," Kinkade mumbled into James's shoulder as Pidge began,

            "Look inside. Look inside your tiny mind," (at _tiny mind_ there was a glare not-so-secretly shot in Lance's direction), "Now look a bit harder. 'Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired..." And on they went, belting it out like their life depended on it. They had a surprisingly nice voice, not the best, but not bad. Not bad at all.

            They launched into the chorus, "Fuck you, fuck you very, very much. 'Cause we hate what you do and we hate your whole crew, so please don't stay in touch. Fuck you..."

            As the song ended, they were out of breath but laughing, as the others clapped. Lance stood from his chair, dumping a giggling Keith off his lap, and cupped his hands around his mouth to cheer loudly. Pidge bowed, adjusting their glasses and sweeping off the stage.

            "Alright, who's next?"

            "James." Kinkade volunteered, earning him a glare from his boyfriend. Nonetheless, James stood up and took the stage.

            He cleared his throat.

            "You are my fire. My one desire. Believe me when I say, I want it that way." He winked at Kinkade, who called from across the room, "Tell me why!"

            "Ain't nothing but a heartache--" ("Tell me why!") "Ain't nothing but a mistake--" ("Tell me why!") "I never wanna hear you say, I want it that way!"

            "Oh my _god_ ," Veronica cried through laughs. This was actually kind of fun.

 

\--------

 

            "It's time." Lance announced an hour or so later, stretching as he stood from his perch. He turned to Hunk, sending him a meaningful look. Hunk nodded sagely, extracting himself from the pile of limbs that was Pidge.

            "Time for what?"

            "For our duet of course."

            "Our?" Keith asked skeptically. He didn't sign up for a duet, and he didn't think he could handle a duet with Lance without combusting.

            "Hunk and I's." Lance waved him off with a grin. "We have chemistry, dude. You're gonna be jealous." There was a weird look on his face.

            Keith raised an eyebrow.

            "What? Jealousy is hot."

            Someone cleared their throat and Lance winked before getting on stage.

            "Summer loving, had me a blast," Hunk began,.

            "Summer loving, happened so fast," Lance shot back, and Keith thought he'd ascended to heaven. Holy _shit_ could Lance sing. Keith wiggled uncomfortably in his seat, cheeks heating as eh watched his boyfriend sing.

            "I met a girl, crazy for me~" Hunk crooned, smiling wide. Keith laughed a little as his good-natured enthusiasm.

            "I met a boy, cute as could be." Lance was looking at him oh god he was singing to him oh god oh god oh god-

            "Summer days, wasting away, to oh-oh those summer nights," Lance turned his microphone towards the listeners,. Kinkade and Pidge good-naturedly responded, "wella wella wella," and Nadia and Veronica obligingly followed up, "tell me more, tell me more, was it love at first sight?"

            "Tell me more, tell me more, did she put up a fight?"

            The song went on, and Lance kept _looking_ at Keith when he sang the romantic lines, and he thought he would _die_ right there in his chair, because _oh god oh god._

            "Alright get off my stage." Lance laughed as the song ended, shoving playfully at Hunk. "It's my time to shine." Cue a suggestive wink directed at Keith. He was screwed.

           

\-------

 

_"Sí, sabes que ya llevo un rato mirándote_  
Tengo que bailar contigo hoy   
Vi que tu mirada ya estaba llamándome   
Muéstrame el camino que yo voy 

_Tú, tú eres el imán y yo soy el metal_  
Me voy acercando y voy armando el plan   
Solo con pensarlo se acelera el pulso 

_Ya, ya me está gustando más de lo normal_  
Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más   
Esto hay que tomarlo sin ningún apuro

_Despacito_  
Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito   
Deja que te diga cosas al oído   
Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo

_Despacito_  
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito   
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto   
Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito

_Quiero ver bailar tu pelo_  
Quiero ser tu ritmo   
Que le enseñes a mi boca   
Tus lugares favoritos...."

            Yeah, Keith was not prepared for this. He had no idea what any of it meant, but with the way Lance kept looking at him and moving those _fucking hips_ , he could get the gist. He was gonna cry, or pull Lance off the stage and into his bedroom, or _something_ , holy _shit_. Things were suspiciously uncomfortable in his pants right now, and his cheeks were on fire, and oh my god, he was doing it again with those _hips_.

            Pidge was sending him a knowing look. Kinkade and James were laughing along with Lance's dramatic movements, blissfully unaware of Keith's problem. Ina was nodding her head tot eh music, looking confused but content. In her hand she held a spinning toy. Veronica was clapping with the beat, watching her brother reservedly, like she was used to Lance's antics. Nadia was asleep.

 

_"Despacito_  
Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito   
Deja que te diga cosas al oído   
Para que te acuerdes si no estás conmigo

_Despacito_  
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito   
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto   
Y hacer de tu cuerpo todo un manuscrito 

_Quiero ver bailar tu pelo_  
Quiero ser tu ritmo   
Que le enseñes a mi boca   
Tus lugares favoritos" 

            Lance locked eyes with keith, smirking oh so seductively, hips swaying provocatively, and did Keith mention he was going to die? Because oh _god._

_"Déjame sobrepasar tus zonas de peligro_  
Hasta provocar tus gritos   
Y que olvides tu apellido

_Despacito..."_

            The guitar faded out and Lance swept into a low bow, chuckling. Veronica was whistling loudly as he stepped off the stage.

            "Heya Keith." Lance sighed, dropping down _into Keith's lap_ , _oh GOD._ "Enjoy the performance?"

            "Uh...."

            James snorted, "Hey, will you two get out of here if you're gonna fuck? It's gross."

            "Bitch shut the fuck up it's young love!" Veronica defended, giggling.

            Lance was laughing too as he stood and grabbed Keith's hand, dragging him away without another word. James and Veronica only laughed louder. Either way, Keith was happy to _get out of there_ , especially with Lance leading the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thoughts, thots??
> 
> uhhh


	32. rip adam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takashi: jesus christ  
> Matte: usually i go by matt but that works too--  
> HunkyMonkey: this is a shitshow  
> HunkyMonkey: i'll make popcorn
> 
>  
> 
> ~spoopy things goin down!~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a lil short but i'm tired and i wrote it in an hour so oh well  
> enjoy your steaming hot bullshit

_3:19 am_

**This Is So Sad Paladins Form Voltron**

**Adam!:** uhhh guys

**Adam!:** guys

**Adam!:** GUYS

**Adam!:** G U Y S

**HunkyMonkey:** what.

**Takashi:** what could possibly be so important at three am

**Lancito:** damn shiro's so pissed he isn't even capitalizing

**Takashi:** adam what do you want

**Adam!:** there's something spooky outside my door

**Adam!:** its growling

**gay:** finally

**Lancito:** "finally"? what???

**gay:** finally he's come for me

**gay:** he's here

**gay:** i've waited so long

**Takashi:** keith what are you talking about?

**gay:** mothman ofc

**Lancito:** ghsjdfkl

**gay:** Mothman, Light of My Life, Fire of My Loins. My Sin, My Soul.

**Lancito:** o h m y g o d

**HunkyMonkey:** did you

**HunkyMonkey:** did you just quote Lolita

**HunkyMonkey:** about mothman

**gay:** lance

**gay:** lance i'm breaking up with you

**gay:** there's somone else

**Lancito:** i always knew this day would come--

**gay:** it's mothman

**gay:** wait what do you knew this day would come

**gay:** have you no faith in our awkward relationship where we fight with swords and then cuddle

**HunkyMonkey:** that's the best kind of relationship

**Adam!:** tru

**Adam!:** but GUYS THE SPOOKY THING  
**Lancito:** *spoopy

**Adam!:** NOT NOW LANCE

**gay:** tell mothman i'm coming for him

**Lancito:** come by my bedroom on your way and i'll have you coming for me~

**Takashi:** LANCE THAT IS MY BABY BROTHER

**HunkyMonkey:** oh shit

**Matte:** rip lance

**Adam!:** G U Y S THE S P O O K Y T H I N G I S G E T T I N G

**Adam!:** L O U D E R

**Takashi:** fine fine just come to my room

**Adam!:** cant

**Takashi:** why Not.

**Adam!:** that would require opening the door, outside of which is a S P O O K Y T H I N G

**Takashi** : jesus christ

**Matte:** usually i go by matt but that works too--

**HunkyMonkey:** this is a shitshow

**HunkyMonkey:** i'll make popcorn

**gay:** i want some

**Lancito:** me toooo

**Adam!:** how can you eat popcorn at a time like this?!

**Adam!:** i am in C R I S I S

**Matte:** anyway hunk how much you wanna bet lance and keith are gonna have kinky mothman sex tonight?

**Takashi:** again, THAT IS MY BABY BROTHER

**HunkyMonkey:** nah they won't keith is too much of a prude to do anything with lance yet

**Takashi:** MY BABY BROTHER

**Matte:** oh pfft hunk my man that's where you're wrong

**gay:** don't

**Matte:** keith used to be a lil slut before he started pining for lance

**Lancito:** owo what' this??

**Matte:** yeah and proud

**Matte:** it's 2019, being a slut is awesome

**Lancito:** preach

**Lancito:** in this house we don't slut shame

**Lancito;** casual sex is 100% good and awesome, as long as you get ur check ups and stay safe

**Lancito:** in this essay i will--

**HunkyMonkey:** truth

**Lancito:** thank you for coming to my ted talk

**gay:** lance you can't say "in this essay i will" AND "thank you for coming to my ted talk" you can't have both

**Lancito:** watch me

**Lancito:** anyway tell me more about keith's sex life

**gay:** or don't. that's also an option

**Matte:** keith's always been a horny little demon--

**Takashi:** once again, that si my BABY BROTHER

**Adam!:** hahah i remember when shiro had to give him the talk

**Adam!:** he was so awkward he didn't know what to say and keith was just staring at him

**Adam!:** i made them both suffer through it before i pulled keith aside and gave him a pep talk and some condoms

**Adam!:** good times

**HunkyMOnkey:** what happened to your crisis?

**Adam!:** it's on pause cause the noise stopped

**Takashi:** then i'm going back to sleep

**Adam!:** wait no i need my big strong boyfriend on call to beat the shit out of any monsters

**Matte:** you have me?

**Adam!:** oh honey

**Adam!:** matt you know i love you but like

**Adam!:** you're a fucking twig dude

**Matte:** hey! no i'm not!

**Adam!:** yeah you are

**Matte:** am not

**Adam!:** are too

**Matte:** am not

**Adam!:** are too!

**Matte:** am not

**Adam!:** are too!

**Matte:** am not

**Adam!:** are too!

**Matte:** shiro am i a twig??

**Takashi:** yes.

**Takashi:** now shut the fuck up and go to sleep

**Matte:** D:

**Lancito:** damn shiro just drag your boyfriend like that

**Takashi:** i am so tired.

**Lancito:** valid.

**gay:** @lance come cuddle with me

**Lancito:** @keith okey dokie

**HunkyMonkey:** wholesome.

**Adam!:** SDFIHGJKL

**Adam!:** GUYS THE SOUND IT'S BACK HELP GUYS GUYS

**Adam!:** oh god i can't die yet i have so much to do

**Adam!:** i still haven't married into money and murdered my husband yet

**Adam!:** i don't have a replica death star yet

**Adam!:** i haven't beaten smash bros!!!

**Takashi:** adam just open the fucking door

**Takashi:** i'm sure it's nothing

**Adam!:** but takashiiiiiiiiiiii

**Matte:** you're also? a military trained officer?? who fought in a war?? remember??

**Adam!:** oh yeah

**Adam!:** okay okay i'mma open it

**Adam!:** cause i'm a big boy.i can do this

**gay:** just stab it

**Lancito:** stabbing doesn't work fro everything, keith

**gay:** false

**gay:** stabbing solves any and all problems

**Lancito:** sigh

**gay:** @lance where u at i though we were cuddling

**Lancito:** @keith omw

**Adam!:** asjidfnkghndlms;,'.aDSJHFGKNMLH;

**_Adam!_ ** _sent one (1) image_

 

**Adam!:** hey uhhh what the fuck

**Adam!:** matt why is your sibling outside my door with a glass bottle

**Matte:** they must have broken into shiro's liquor again

**Adam!:** makes sense

**Takashi:** wait. again??

**Matte:** i'll go collect them

**Adam!:** kid fell onto my bed and started singing we will rock you but in italian

**Matte:** they do that when they're drunk

**Matte:** i'll be there in like a minute

**Matte:** don't let them do anything i would do

**Takashi:** remind me to yell at pidge tomorrow

**Takashi:** i'm going to sleep

**Adam!:** gn bb

**Adam!:** love you

**Takashi:** love you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whaddya think? drop me a comment!!
> 
> i'm happy to say that at 4:20 am on January 69th, i welcomed a beautiful baby girl (lemon) into the world. it was a c-section. the doctor assured me that the blade had just been soaked in the souls of millions. very sanitary. the contractions began in my ears and nostrils and moved south. the baby is healthy, a whopping four ounces. we have decided on the name Genevieve Sicko Mode Chamberlain. 
> 
> attached you'll find a picture: [look at her cute lil face](https://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/grub/2014/05/21/21-lemonhead2.w710.h473.2x.jpg) [and her cute lil dress!!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)
> 
> remember, Lincoln knows what you did!


	33. not a Real Chapter, sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not a real chapter but please read

hey guys.

i'm sorry to say it but this fic is going on hold for a while, possibly indefinitely. sorry. i'm kinda running out of steam on it, and life is B A D rn. like, BIG ICKY. so. it be that way. sorry again.

i'm also?? being sucked farther and farther into Spider-man and honestly?? it's an upgrade. vld has pissed me off a lot so i'm migrating for now. 

if you like my writing for whatever reason: i have a Real Writing spidey field trip fic going, it's lit!! if you like social media/chat formatting, i've got a spidey twitter fic going!! updates for that are every few days!!! it's awesome!! if you want more klnace, i have two (2) older oneshots that are shitty in my opinion but are still around for your enjoyment if you wish it. 

i love you all dearly, have a wonderful.... however long. 

honestly, all of you make me so happy and i read each and every comment and cherish each and every kudos or subscription. 

(speaking of subscriptions, i may or may not post sporadic oneshots on this fic, based off this, as extra chapters tacked onto the end, so if you are interested, subscribe!! there would be no schedule and it would be as much of a surprise to me as to you but!!!)

love you guys xoxo


	34. mini chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey uhh take this lil convo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this chapter finds you all well and healthy :))))

_6:09 am_

**Pigotto > Lancern**

**Pigotto:** hey you

**Lancern:** ya?

**Pigotto:** i'm bored

**Lancern:** i'm sorry to hear it.

**Pigotto:** entertain me?

**Lancern:** okey how

**Pigotto:** idk say something funny

**Lancern:** i'm not really a funny guy when i try

**Lancern:** you can't put me on the spot like this kiddo

**Pigotto:** tell me about when u were little

**Pigotto:** when u were just a little creacher

**Lancern:** well i'm the baby of the family so everyone always coddled me

**Lancern:** even when it was annoying

**Lancern:** i pretty much lived in the ocean

**Lancern:** i was perpetually covered in sand

**Pigotto:** as one is.

**Lancern:** as one is.

**Lancern:** this one tim when i was in preschool, apparently i got hitched with some rando girl

**Lancern:** her name was like jenny or some shit

**Pigotto:** what is it with u and jennys

**Pigotto:** why have you dated so many

**Lancern:** i am a jenny magnet

**Pigotto:** appaereNTLY

**Lancern:** i mean,, how an anyone resist me??

**Pigotto:** i mean,,, i managed to

**Lancern:** but you managed to resist everyone?

**Pigotto:** haha hell YEAH I DID BITCH

**Lancern:** and we SUPPORT U FOR IT

**Lancern:** in this house we SUPPORT OUR ASEXUAL PALS

**Pigotto:** heLL YEAH BAYBEE

**Lancern:** love u kiddo

**Lancern:** u funky lil asexual

**Lancern:** <3

**Pigotto:** <3

**Pigotto:** anyway continue

**Pigotto:** gimme more blackmail material about lil baby lance

**Lancern:** ahh and the truth comes out

**Lancern:** ur true motive

**Pigotto:** sure.

**Lancern:** usually u are proud of your diabolical tendencies? u okay?

**Pigotto:** yeah i'm just feeling the Big Icky today :(

**Lancern:** oh i feel that

**Lancern:** i'm sorry bb

**Lancern:** i hope i can make it better for u

**Pigotto:** tell me more stories

**Lancern:** you got it bud

**Lancern:** veronica says i could sing before i could talk

**Lancern:** i've always been a singer

**Lancern:** i learned to play guitar from rachel when i was real small

**Lancern:** marco tried to teach me drums but i just smashed shit

**Lancern:** he stopped trying after i totally smashed one

**Pigotto:** marco plays drums?

**Lancern:** yeah weird right he seems like he wouldn't play them

**Lancern:** luis seems like he'd be the drummer boi in our family but kid can't hold a tune to say his funking life

**Lancern:** also,,, and i tell u this in strictest confidence u understand,,,, i played clarinet

**Pigotto:** u played wHAT

**Pigotto:** why did i not know until now that u were a marching band kid!!! of course u were!!!! it all makes sense now!!!

**Lancern:** a drama kid too

**Pigotto:** goddammit

**Pigotto:** i can see it now,,, the dots,,, they're connecting

**Pigotto:** u really were That Bitch huh

**Lancern:** excuse u i still AM That Bitch

**Pigotto:** oh tru

**Lancern:** ronnie, rachel, marce, and i formed a band when we were in middle school

**Pigotto:** o h m y g o d

**Pigotto:** please tell me there are pictures

**Lancern:** there,,,, may be,,,, somewhere,,,

**Pigotto:** LANCE

**Pigotto:** I NEED THOSE PICTURES

**Lancern:** fine fine i'll dig them up later

**Pigotto:** i owe u my life

**Pigotto:** my crops are flourishing

**Pigotto:** pores clear

**Pigotto:** depression cured

**Pigotto:** or well on its way to curement

**Lancern:** is curement a word?

**Pigotto:** it is if i Say So

**Lancern:** all hail the mighty Pidgeon

**Pigotto:** damn straight!

**Lancern:** *damn bi

**Pigotto:** oh u rite

**Lancern:** unpopular opinion apparently but i'm love boys

**Pigotto:** valid

**Lancern:** specifically, this one boy named keith

**Pigotto:** oh VALID

**Lancern:** he has bad hair and wouldn't know fashion if it hit him in the face but he cute so

**Pigotto:** debatable

**Lancern:** he fucking IS tho

**Pigotto:** well uhh boys are a big no for me but i'll take your word for it.

**Pigotto:** lance, our local authority on whether boys/girls/others are cute or nah

**Lancern:** i mean i guess but i've met keith so like everyone else is automatically ugly n comparison

**Pigotto:** valid

**Lancern:** :)

**Pigotto:** honestly? i know i give y'all shit about it but i am so happy for you guys

**Pigotto:** you make each other so happy and you are so good for each other

**Pigotto:** and i'm glad y'all have that

**Lancern:**

**Lancern:** pidge i'm gnona cyr

**Lancern:** ho ogd

**Lancern:** cna i cmoe gvie you a hgu

**Pigotto:** ya please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i don't think i'm really back but whatever we'll see where life takes us
> 
> don't expect much soon,,, sorry,,,
> 
> and THANK U ALL SO MUCH for being so UNDERSTANDING i'm love you all


	35. amazing fanart!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> read the title.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh and tumblr user love-bianca-world made these amazing fanarts that i just have to share!! thank u so much bb!!!

Altaen pumpkin patch gang!!! for halloween!!!

 

 

knife boy in his hippo costume!!!


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gorgeous Man: MY LETTERS ARE STUCK LIKE THIS I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE IT BACK.  
> Pidgeon: nobody tell him  
> Vewwonica: wouldn't dream of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back on my bullshit for a hot minute

 

_11:29 pm_

**dork > nerd**

**dork:** psst kieth

 **dork:** hey babe

 **dork:** keiiiiiith

 **nerd:** what.

 **dork:** move in with me.

**nerd:**

**nerd:**.... what?

 **dork:** i mean u already pretty much sleep in my room every night

 **dork:** and u wear my clothes all the time, which, side-note, is cute as fuck, but i digress

 **dork:** please?

**nerd:**

**nerd:** okay.

 **dork:** really??

 **nerd:** yeah. really.

 **dork:** :):):)  
**nerd:** :)

 **dork:** goodnight keith.

 **nerd:** goodnight lance.

 **dork:** love you.

 **nerd:** love you too.

 

_11:41 pm_

**brobro >brobrobro**

**brobro:** SHIRO WAKE THE FUCK UP I HAVE TO RANT ABOUT LANCE AGAIN

 **brobrobro:** no.

 **brobrobro:** adam's back it's his job now

 **brobro:** fine

 

_11:42 pm_

**demon > that guy**

**demon:** ADAM WAKE THE FUCK UP I HAVE TO RANT ABOUT LANCE

 **that guy:** 'wake the fuck up'?

 **that guy:** bold of u to assume i sleep

 **demon:** oh tru

 **that guy:** tell me about lance tho i love when you rant about him

 **demon:** he!!! he!!!

_demon sent one (1) screenshot_

**that guy:** awwwwwwwww

 **that guy:** keith have i ever told u how happy i am for you guys

 **demon:** you may have mentioned it, yes

 **that guy:** well lemme tell you again: i am so happy for y'all

 **that guy:** like, seriously.

 **demon:** thanks adam.

 **that guy:** :) enough sap for tonight get some sleep. you'll need some energy for all the moving in you'll be doing tomorrow

 **demon:** yeah yeah yeah

 

\-------

 

_8:09 am_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**rizavi:** awww look!!!

_rizavi sent one (1) photo_

**Queen:** Question: what. Is that?

 **Vewwonica:** it's a dog, princess

 **Queen:** Follow-up question: what is a dog?

 **Vewwonica:** a dog is a small,, furry,,, animal that u keep as a pet,,, he bark,, and he cuddle,, and lick your face,,, he give love,,,,

 **Queen:** Alright.

 **Romelle:** what i wanna know is can i ride it

 **Romelle:** like one of these "horses"

 **Kink-aid:** please do not.

 **Romelle:** :(

 **Gorgeous Man:** HOW DID IT GET INTO THE COMPOUND?

 **Romelle:** why r u YELLING, CORAN?

 **Gorgeous Man:** MY LETTERS ARE STUCK LIKE THIS I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO CHANGE IT BACK.

 **Pidgeon:** nobody tell him

 **Vewwonica:** wouldn't dream of it.

 **gay:** why would we

 **LaLaLance:** oh wait i was gonna

_LaLaLance changed gay's name to **keitten**_

**LaLaLance:** theeeere we go

 **keitten:** why.

 **LaLaLance:** because you cute like a kitten

 **keitten:** false.

 **keitten:** also fuck you.

 **LaLaLance:** anytime ;)

 **Daddy:** Lance.

 **LalaLane:** yes, shiro??

 **Daddy:** That. Is. My. Brother.

 **Adam!:** shut up takashi it's young love

 **Mama Bear:** I agree with the Adam, Shiro.

 **Adam!:** "the adam" ansfldgjgfkl

 **HunkyMonkey:** i made breakfast guys

 **HunkyMonkey:** come get y'all juice

 **Vewwonica:** i brought u some frankincense

 **Pidgeon:** thank u

 **keitten:** i brought u some mer

 **Pidgeon:** thank u--

 **kietten:** mer-DUR

 **Pidgeon:** JUDAS, NO!

 **LaLaLance:** keih u did a vine i'm gonna cry i love you so muchnafjksgdlh

 **keitten:** :)

 **Pidgeon:** y'all are gross i love it

 **James;** i don't

 **Kink-aid:** james be nice

 **James:** make me

 **Kink-aid:** maybe i will~

 **James:** ooh how so

 **Daddy:** NO children, stop it and get breakfast. Now. Please.

 **Daddy:** I can feel my hair turning grey by the second.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't think i'm really back so don't get ur hopes up but here~~~ take this i guess


	37. say u sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sigh  
> hi guys  
> sorry its short and shitty A G A I N

 

_9:21 pm_

**james > keith**

**james:** keith.

**keith:** ??

**keith:** why r u texting me, griffin?

**james:** uhh i gotta talk to u

**james:** but fair warnin im a lil high rn

**keith:** what do u want.

**james:** i wanna say sorry

**james:** of rht eway i treated u

**james:** s not right

**james:** i shoulda stuck by u when u needed me

**james:** and i didn't

**james:** and then i was such a dick to u after

**james:** evne tho it wasn't ur fault

**james:** but like dude.

**james:** i'm so srory

**keith:**

**keith:** apology accepter

**james:** really?

**keith:** ya

**keith:** i'm not mad anymore, i forgave u a long time ago

**keith:** i know u were going though some problems too and even tho thats not an excuse i know u didn't mean to be a dick.

**keith:** u just naturally r

**james:** hey!

**keith:** it's fine; i'm a dick too :)

**james:** pfft

**james:** u sure it's all good man?

**keith:** yeah

**keith:** besides, i got the best boyfriend ever now so HA

**james;** oh fax

**james:** except i like ryan better, but that's just my preference.

**james:** it seem s u have a type tho

**keith:** no??

**james:** yeah: obnoxious is ur type

**keith:**

**keith:** fuck ur right

**james:** sometimes i am

**james:** not often tho

**keith:** mood

 

_9:42 pm_

**em ef ees**

**jay:** i did an emotion r u proud

**vee:** what emotion

**jay:** i Apologized™

**vee:** owo what's this? to whomst?

**jay:** ....

**are:** tell us u coward

**jay:**... keith

**vee:** !!!!! OH ShIT

**vee:** DEADASS???!!

**are:** i'm so proud of u james uwu uwu

**kay:** finally

**kay:** this is really good for u, james

**kay:** :)

**el:** This Will Be Good For The Voltron-MFE ~~Family~~ Team

**jay:** Why Are You Typing Like This

**el:** I Feel Like It

**vee:** valid we stan

**are:** understandable have a nice day

**jay:** ugh i'm tired emoting is hard someone come brush my hair and paint my nails or i'll die

**vee:** be right there gimme a sec

**are:** i'll make popcorn

**kay:** i'll be there in a minute

**el:**

**jay:** leif, ,u coming?

**jay:** u don't have to, if u don't feel up to it right now.

**vee:** yeah! if u don't want to be around people right now that's totally okay bb!

**are:** rt

**el:**

**el:** Hm.

**jay:** oh shit

**jay:** she was in my closet oh shit

**vee:** leif wtf

**are:** oh my go dleif marry me

**el:** Rizavi, I Believe You Have A Girlfriend.

**are:** oh right

**vee:** >:(

**are:** ngl, i'd leave u for ina.

**vee:**

**vee:** i can't even be mad cause ur so right

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh i have no motivation for this fic rn and it's pissing me off. i wanna write it but also i. Don't. i've fallen out of love with vld canon because LM and JDS SUCK. i've got an au buzzing in my head but i don't like how i've written it so far but. i'mma work on it. so keep an eye out for that. but anyways, idk if i can keep this one going we'll see :(
> 
> whatever, leave a comment please!!!! if yall have ideas i'd love that!!!


	38. april fools but three days late sorry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya!!! i know it's been a hot minute but i couldn't resist ;)
> 
> (y'all probably don't care but i am on a ROLL right now. i wrote a oneshot, finished an ongoing fic, and updated this!! all in like two hours!!! damn!!! now if only i could just get to finishing my field trip fic....)

 

_April 1st 6:09 am_

**tallllllller than u > pidgey**

**tallllllller than u:** hey so

**tallllllller than u:** why is there syrup all over me and keith's bedroom

**pidgey:** ?????

**tallllllller than u:** like allllllll over

**tallllllller than u:** in the shower

**tallllllller than u:** in the toilet

**tallllllller than u:** the sink

**tallllllller than u:** the cabinets

**pidgey:** ?!?!?

**tallllllller than u:** did u do this

**pidgey:** nah man

**tallllllller than u:** damnit

**tallllllller than u:** any idea who did??

**pidgey:** idk ask the group chat

**tallllllller than u:** oh u rite u rite

 

_6:11 am_

**This Is So Sad, Paladins Form Voltron**

**LaLaLance:** hey uhhhhhh look

_LaLaLance sent one (1) photo!_

**Adam!:** hahahaha

**Adam!:** make keith clean it up

**gay:** why me?

**Adam!:** cause your suffering amuses me

**Pidgon:** mood

**gay:** sigh

**Daddy:** Lance, how did that happen?

**LaLaLance:** that's what i was just about to ask all of u

**Hunk:** u think one of us did that?? where did anyone even get all of that syrup??

**Pidgeon:** yeah none of us are smart enough to do that

**Pidgeon:** we all put together have one brain cell; we take turns

**Hunk:** that reminds me: pidge shiro said it's my turn with the brain cell

**gay:** SIGH

**LaLaLance:** ldsjfkg;lh

**Daddy:** I'm going back to sleep.

**Adam!:** i'll join u

**Adam!:** tho i doubt we'll get much sleep ;)

**gay:** gross

 

\------

 

**Romelle > Allura :)**

**Romelle:** psst princess

**Allura :):** Yes, Darling?

**Romelle:** you'll never guess what i did

**Allura:):** What did you do this time?

**Romelle:** looooook

_Romelle sent a photo!_

**Allura:):** I have one question:

**Allura:):** Why?

**Romelle:** matt told me about this earth tradition at the beginning of the fourth month called "april fools" in which friends lay practical jokes on one another

**Romelle:** so i did that to keith and lance!! so they know i love them!! because we are fiends!!!!

**Allura:):** Follow-up question: Why syrup? Where did it all come from?

**Romelle:** i'll never tell

**Allura:):** I am slightly concerned, but alright.

**Romelle:** ;)

**Allura:):** ":)"

**Romelle:** come over to my room?? i am cold and i want to hold u

**Allura:):** On my way.

 

\--------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comment por favor!! i read every one of them!!!
> 
> have a wonderful day babes!!!
> 
> eat some veggies, drink some water, and kill your local goblin because he owes me money and it's way past due!!!


	39. SHE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> S H E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahah long time no fic
> 
> HEY Guess WHAT.  
> the word doc for this fic is 192 pages  
> ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY TWO PAGES  
> WHAT THE FUCK

_3:28 am_

**yeet > be yeeted**

**yeet:** psst

**yeet:** pidge

**yeet:** PSSSSTTTT

**yeet:** PIDGE

**yeet:** KATIE PIDGEON HOLT

**be yeeted:** wtf do u want matt

**yeet:** loooooooooook

_yeet sent one (1) photo!_

**yeet:** i'm in love

**be yeeted:** okay, i'll never admit to saying this but,

**be yeeted:** i'm so happy for u matt y'all are so cute

**be yeeted:** shiro and adam are so good for u

**yeet:** i'm gonna cry katie djnkfsl;g'

**yeet:** since when did u get so soft

**be yeeted:** since it was 3 int he fucking morning

**be yeeted:** go to sleep matt

**yeet:** fine

**yeet:** love u

**be yeeted:** love u too

 

_6:29 am_

**Unknown Number > Hunk**

**Unknown Number:** Hello?

**Unknown Number:** Is this Hunk?

**Hunk:** uhhh Yes, who is this?

**Unknown Number:** It is Shay!

**Unknown Number:** Princess Allura sent me a "phone". I have finally figured it out.

**Hunk:** It;s so good to hear from you

_Hunk changed **Unknown Number** ;s name to **SHE!**_

**SHE!:** haha

**Hunk:** so how are you??

**SHE!:** i'm good! i've been doing a lot of travelling for the coalition lately. it's so amazing to see all these planets and meet all these people!!

**Hunk:** i bet!!

**Hunk:** how's your family?

**SHE!:** they're good. my brother is very busy trying to get the Balmera in order and reestablish the peace. he is very strong, and i am proud of him, but i could never stay there when there's al this out here to see

**Hunk:** i feel that.

**Hunk:** we're all getting a little antsy here too

**Hunk:** lance wants to go back out there and keep fighting

**Hunk:** i do too, honestly.

**Hunk:** now that i've seen how much of a difference voltron can make, i want to do everything i can.

**SHE!:** you're so brave hunk

**Hunk:** not really??? it's just what's right

**SHE!:** say...

**SHE!:** do you think it'd be alright if i came to visit you? on earth?

**Hunk:** alright?

**Hunk:** I'd love that!!!

**SHE!:** :)

**SHE!:** i miss you, hunk

**Hunk:** i miss you too shay.

 

_6:37 am_

**They Protec, They Attac**

**HunkyMonkey:** GUYS

**HunkyMonkey:** SHAY IS COMING TO VISIT

**Queen:** Yay! I cnnot wait to see her again!

**Loncc:** hellllll yeah rock queennnnnn

**gay:** okay.

**Pigotto:** good for u hunk :)

**Matt:** whomst is shay again?

**Pigotto:** hunk's gf

**HunkyMonkey:** she's a rock

**Vewwonica:** and you're a marshmallow, so it's a perfect match

**HunkyMonkey:** i'm so EXCITED

**HunkyMonkey:** oh wait wait

_HunkyMonkey added **SHE!** to the chat!_

**HunkyMonkey:** SHE

**Pigotto:** SHE

**Loncc:** SHE

**gay:** ....she

**Queen:** She.

**Romellegant:** she.

**Vewwonica:** she

**rizavi:** she, i guess

**Kink-aid:** she.

**James:** ..She???

**SHE!:** Me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, it's 192 pages worth of shit.  
> i think i'm almost done. i can't really do this anymore. i've more or less moved on from vld honestly.... but still here i am.  
> idk when the next update will be
> 
> see u on the flippity flop!!!


	40. announcements

hiya

 

so, uhhh. i think this is done??? i've pretty much moved on sorry it doesn't have a definitive ending but. it be that way.

so it goes.

hey uhhhhh if u like gay?? check out my carry on fics!!!

if u like shenanigans? ?? read my spiderman stuff!!!

i seriously love y'all and appreciate your support akdhjfslgd;fh uwu uwu uwu 

sdfgkhl;ghkfjdsl;a

goodbye :')

djkafsl;g'hfkljgfdskl;sa'

ps. get NAENAED

**Author's Note:**

> if y'all have any ideas you'd like me to try and incorporate, let me know! and as always, leave me a comment so i can improve!
> 
> have a wonderful day babes

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Palasquad](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17088635) by [LogicallyLogan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LogicallyLogan/pseuds/LogicallyLogan)




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